Tuesday, August 14, 2012

The End

Well, this isn’t easy.

They say all good things must come to an end. While I’d hesitate to call this site “good”, it is indeed coming to an end.

If you don’t care for the details, I understand and just thank you for reading. I hope you enjoyed this goofy blog from time to time. For the rest of you, read on and I’ll try and explain.

Wednesday, August 8, 2012

Keeping Score: Yankees @ Tigers, 8/8/12

Lord Jeter, former Tiger hero Curtis Granderson, and the rest of the Evil Empire are in Detroit. That seems like good enough reason to do a running blog of a game. And tonight it’s Anibal Sanchez against CC Sabathia. It’s the Detroit debut of Jeff Baker. And it’s a day the Tigers have an opportunity to move back into first place in the AL Central. Can they make it seven straight wins?

The game’s about to start so let’s begin Keeping Score. Warning, there will be cursing. It is a Yankees game, after all.

Tuesday, August 7, 2012

Life Isn't Fair

The Tigers have announced that they have released left-hander Fu-Te Ni from Triple A Toledo. Son of a bitch!

Let's look at our updated list.

Nate Robertson
Gary Sheffield
Jeremy Bonderman
Joel Zumaya
Brad Thomas
Casper Wells
Will Rhymes
David Pauley
Clete Thomas
Brandon Inge
Don Kelly
Fu-Te Ni

Delmon and Raburn will be gone at the end of the year, if not sooner. What's that gonna leave me to work with? Boesch? Crazy Mike and Double D? Ugh.

QUIT GETTING RID OF ALL MY SILLY CHARACTERS, DETROIT! Do NOT make me actually have to think to come up with material! Pricks.

Sigh. Falewerr my fliend. Good ruck whelevel you end up. Sank you.

Monday, August 6, 2012

Grumpy Old Man Strikes Again

It’s been a while since we’ve taken a look at one of Jerry Green’s popular “get off my lawn” articles from the Detroit News. Luckily, Mr. Green has supplied us with one this week that’s quite the doozy. How nice of him.

Detroit’s crankiest commentator (that actually lives in California) is upset this week over the Wild Card and also the trade deadline. More than 4/30 teams in the playoffs? Hogwash! Players switching teams instead of being locked into the same franchise for a decade or more? Poppycock!

If we’re lucky, we might hear some complaining about gas no longer being a nickel per gallon, these darn kids everywhere wearing skirts above their knees, and that doggone hippity hop music. FDR wouldn’t stand for it, I tell you!

Yeah. Let’s begin.

Sunday, August 5, 2012

Who is the New DNR Idol?

RYAN FIELD: Good day, everyone, and welcome to DNR Idol. Today we will finally decide exactly WHO will be the new scapegoat for everything that goes wrong with the Tigers! With Don Kelly being DFA’d, a new member of the team must become the butt of most of the jokes of DesigNate Robertson. We’ve lost Kelly, Brandon Inge, the Davids, Pauley and Purcey, and of course, the Patron Saint Nate Robertson. So a new champion must be crowned. We have it narrowed down to the Final Four, so let’s not waste any more time! Exactly WHO will become the NEW DNR IDOL?!?

/crowd cheers

Friday, August 3, 2012

Smell Ya Later, Don Kelly

"And what happened, then? Well, in Whoville they say - that the Grinch's small heart grew three sizes that day."

Don Kelly was DFA'd by the Tigers today. Ya know, they sure know how to make a sick, smartass blogger guy feel better. The reign of terror of the Warlock of Suck that is Don Kelly is over. Good gawd, if the vet puts Schlereth down and they drive Boesch out to a nice field and speed off leaving him behind...I might actually start liking this team again.

In all seriousness, Don Kelly might be the nicest player in baseball. And you'll have a hard time finding a better teammate. This blog is no fun without a whipping boy and Donnie did his job well. I'll never forget the sight of JV setting him fire. What a nice moment in time. I wish him nothing but the best for him and his lovely family in the future.

Unless the Twins sign him. You know they're thinking about it. In that case, I hope Kelly trips on one of Mauer's sideburns and breaks his neck.

Thanks for always doing you best, Don. Guess I need a new Public Enemy Number One around here.
Yeah. I'm looking at you, buddy. Learn to take a pitch and quit dogging it in the field or we're not going to be able to be friends.

How Was Your Week?

My apologies to anyone that's stopped by here in the past week looking for their daily fix of Detroit Tigers doodie jokes. I seem to have come down with SARS or a bird flu of some kind and have been unconscious and/or hacking up my lungs for several days. To be honest, I haven't seen a game all week or been online. I assume that Sanchez/Infante deal has turned the season around immediately and we're comfortably in first place by a mile now, right?

I wanted to make it to Detroit on Saturday and try and ruin the BYB Meet Up for everyone, but that's not going to happen now. Give me a few days to get back to normal and caught up at work and I'll try to come up with something here for Monday or Tuesday. In the meantime, if you're in the Toledo area and you see a 6'4 goofball stumbling around and coughing up his kidneys, do a brother a favor and shoot me in the f'n head.