Sunday, July 15, 2012

Know Thy Enemy: 2012 Los Angeles Angels

To be honest, I forgot to do one of these for the Orioles since it’s been so long since Detroit’s played a team they haven’t faced thus far this season. I’ll get to them when they visit Detroit.

Instead, it’s time to take a look at our most hated rival from out West, the California Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim.

Can we sign Carlos Guillen to a four day contract just for this series?

Mike Trout

This was supposed to be Albert Pujols, but the big guy’s had a tough time adjusting to AL pitching thus far. That hasn’t been the case for the 20 year old Trout, who is the midseason favorite for AL Rookie of the Year.

-Hitting .348/.401/.569 with 12 HR, 40 RBI, 17 2B, 3 3B, and 30 SB in 66 games. Also has an amazing OPS+ of 170, highest on the team.

-From Millville, NJ and nicknamed “The Millville Meteor”. How nice.

-His dad, Jeff, was a fifth round pick of Minnesota in 1983. See? You can somehow blame the Twins for damn near anything if you try.

-Hit 18 homers his senior year of high school, a New Jersey high school record.

-Drafted 25th overall by the Angels in the 2009 MLB Draft. This was the year the Tigers selected Jacob Turner with the 9th pick. Thus, the jury is still out on if I can whine and complain about that one yet.

-Often compared to Bryce Harper of the Nationals. But that’s a clown comparison, bro. Trout doesn’t come off as half the douchebag that Harper does. Although playing for the Angels doesn’t help the guy.


This is hard to say. Trout, Trumbo, and Pujols are an amazing Big Three in the lineup. Wilson, Weaver, and Haren (when healthy) are as good as it gets in a Big Three in a rotation. And their bullpen is decent, too. A well balanced team that you have to hope will make some mistakes.


None, though David Pauley was stinking up their bullpen for a five game spell. Poor, poor Pauley.

Jered Weaver
-Three time All-Star.

-Pitched no-hitter on 5/2/12 against the AAAA Minnesota Twins.

-Cried like a bitch after Magglio Ordonez homered off of him last season, thinking the classy Maggs was trying to show him up. In reality, Magglio was watching to see if the ball would stay fair. Later, Carlos Guillen took him deep and stared him down and flipped his bat in response to Weaver’s crybaby antics. Weaver responded like the child he is by throwing at Alex Avila’s head, thus getting ejected and suspended for six games.

-Often confused with his brother Jeff by clueless Fox broadcasters.

-Often confused with Nick Nolte’s famous mugshot by people with a sense of humor.
-Seriously. Weaver’s an ugly sonofabitch.

-Was supposed to be a Top Three selection in the 2004 MLB Draft, but Scott Boras’ salary demands scared teams into Weaver falling to number twelve. You may remember this as the draft where the Tigers selected Justin Verlander with the number two pick. Matt Bush went number one to San Diego. Padres fans would be outraged about this if Padres fans existed.

-3-4 with a 5.47 ERA in his career vs Detroit. The Tigers seem to hit him as well or better than any other team in baseball, which is fun to watch. Sadly, he will not pitch in this four game series. WUSS.

-Where do I begin? They are not a nice group. After the Weaver meltdown game last year, their SB Nation blog posted a nasty piece on the Tigers. I responded with a goofy one of my own. Apparently, turnabout is not fair play as this led to a war where their fearless leader sent his army of trolls over here to call me unoriginal names. Say whatever you want about us this series, kids. I’m too busy fighting with the Tigers fanbase half the time this year to play with your lot right now. Maybe later in the year.

-Unloved bastard little brother fans to Dodger supporters. Like Mets fans of the West Coast.

-Odd infatuation with monkeys.

-Very sensitive to Disney jokes.


No Weaver and an injured Dan Haren are good things for the Tigers. If they can keep Trout and Trumbo in the yard, I don’t think winning three out of four is that farfetched of an idea. They just need to pitch smart and be patient on offense.

Hahahahahaaaaaaaaa! Right. We’re getting swept.

/reverse jinxed?


Ricklehman said...

The other night when the All Star players were on Letterman to do the Top Ten List, Letterman made fun of Weaver's mullet.  Weaver didn't laugh.

Erin said...

This is because Weaver has no sense of humor.  

My husband was stupid enough to read the comments on after an article about Justin in the All-Star Game and said there were some fairly ugly comments from Angels fans.  They also often declared Weaver "twice the pitcher" as Verlander.  'Nuff said.