Wednesday, July 18, 2012
Catfight: Brennan Boesch vs. Delmon Young
Sure, Cabrera, Jackson, Verlander, Scherzer, Victor, and Coke are favorites of mine. And I have that weak spot in my heart for the hapless Raburn. But the rest of the guys, to be honest, I wouldn’t be heartbroken if they left Detroit tomorrow. This is something new to me and I’m not sure I like it.
That being said, with the exception of Ryan Raburn, there are two guys that have drawn the ire of the fans possibly more than anyone else this year. Those guys are Delmon Young and Brennan Boesch. And with the rumor mill circulating talk of the Tigers acquiring a corner outfielder by July 31st, one of these two may be out of a job.
But who stays and who goes? How does one possibly make such an important decision? Easy.
You have a Catfight.
Boesch: .248/.284/.379/.663, 9 HR, 36 RBI, -1.2 WAR, 78 OPS+
Young: .274/.299/.412/.710, 10 HR, 39 RBI, -0.8 WAR, 90 OPS+
Advantage: Delmon. The guy’s stats amaze me. It seems like he goes 0-4 on a given day and somehow gains two points on his batting average.
Boesch: Surfing, Icing bros, swinging at every pitch
Young: Booze, keeping it real, swinging at every pitch
Advantage: Push. There are no winners here.
Boesch: Taking pitches, playing defense, showers
Young: Taking pitches, playing defense, Jews
Advantage: Boesch. We do not condone being RAYCESS here at DesigNate Robertson. Unless it’s really funny.
4. Where They Came From
Boesch: Harvard-Westlake High School in North Hollywood, California. Then three years at the University of California, Berkley. Drafted in the third round of the 2006 Draft.
Young: Adolfo Camarillo High School in Camarillo, California. Skipped college to be the first overall pick of the 2003 Draft. (Adolfo…LOLZ)
Advantage: Young. Rogo respects when a brother gets paid.
5. Cost to Team
Boesch: $502,500, arbitration eligible in 2012, free agent in 2016.
Young: $6.75 million, free agent in 2013
Advantage: Boesch. Paying seven million for an OBP under .300 with zero defense should be a crime. Speaking of defense…
6. Defensive Ability Best Compared To
Boesch: A crippled tortoise on Quaaludes
Young: A blind bear on a unicycle
Advantage: Push. Nothing to see here.
7. Not Very Welcome In
Boesch: My household
Young: Tampa, Minnesota, New York, Isreal
Advantage: Boesch. No one cares what I think.
8. Famous Brother
Boesch: None. But has many guys he calls “Brah”.
Advantage: Delmon. Da Meat Hook forever, son!
9. The Ladies
Boesch: Swoon, squeal, and buy his shirseys
Young: Reach for mace.
Advantage: Boesch. The new Brandon Inge in Detroit.
10. Most Memorable Hit
Boesch: 4/30/10. His his first Major League home run, a grand slam, off Joel Pineiro.
Young: 4/28/06: With the Durham Bulls, got upset, threw his bat, and hit an umpire.
Advantage: Boesch. We do not condone violence here at DesigNate Robertson unless it is directed at Bill Simonson.
Overall: Boesch is your winner by a score of 5-3-2. Delmon, I actually prefer you to Brennan, but you can’t argue with the results.
Nice knowing you.