Saturday, June 16, 2012

Know Thy Enemy: 2012 Colorado Rockies

I’m a day late on this. My bad. Detroit lost Game One of this series in embarrassing fashion, giving up eight runs in the top of the tenth inning. Considering that the Rockies came into the series struggling like few other teams in baseball, this is a depressing thing. Every time people feel like the Tigers are “turning the corner”, they wind up running right into a brick wall.

Here’s my warped look at the Rockies.

Troy Tulowitzki
-Two time All-Star

-Two time Gold Glove winner

-Two time NL Silver Slugger winner

-Recorded unassisted triple play in 2007

-Hit for the cycle in 2009

-Drafted in the first round, seventh overall, by Colorado in the 2005 MLB Draft. Three picks later, the Tigers selected Cameron Maybin ahead of other first round picks Andrew McCutchen, Jay Bruce, and Jacoby Ellsbury.

-Grew up idolizing Nomar Garciaparra and Derek Jeter (wore Nomar’s number in college, Jeter’s in the pros)

-Favorite team growing up was Oakland

-3 for 6 with a double in his career versus Verlander, 4 for 11 against Scherzer with 2 homers and a double

-Currently on the DL with a groin owie…thank goodness


They hit for power. Colorado has seven players with at least seven homers each. Plus, they have Jason Giambi, who can still lean into one every now and then. Detroit must keep the ball out of the middle of the plate or else crap like Friday night’s ballgame will happen.


None! Two teams in a row. Nice.

Rafael Betancourt

I could have gone with ex-Twin Michael Cuddyer, but I absolutely cannot stand the former Indian Bentancourt.

-Originally signed as an amateur free agent by Boston in 1999. Was quickly released and re-signed after a year playing in Japan. Was granted free agency in October 2001, sat out a year, and signed with Cleveland as a minor league free agent in the 2003 season.

-Is a converted shortstop

-Has a metal plate and six screws in his pitching elbow

-Takes so long in between pitches that Brad Penny thinks it's ridiculous. Had a famous blowup with the Tigers years ago over the team timing how long it took for him to pitch and complaining to the umpires about it.

-59 career innings versus Detroit, his most against any team. 2-3 with a 3.36 ERA and 61 strikeouts

-Victor Martinez is the godfather of his son, so he at least has that going for him.


-Formerly cocky Avalanche fans

-Formerly cocky Tim Tebow worshippers

-People with the worst taste in beer in the US (Coors Light is badger piss)

-Morons convinced Dante Bichette was actually a good baseball player and not a product of the bandbox he played in

-Very bitter over the World Series victories by the Marlins


The Rockies suck. Their pitching is bottom of the barrel. And that’s exactly the kind of pitching that the Tigers have a tendency to make look like Cy Young Award winners for whatever reason.

Pray we don’t get swept.

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