Friday, May 18, 2012

Know Thy Enemy: 2012 Pittsburgh Pirates


The Tigers suck right now. Thank Cobb that Verlander pitches tonight.

How’s that for an introduction? Up next is interleague play and the Pittsburgh Pirates. I’m not much of an expert on NL teams, but I’ll give this a shot.

FACE OF THE FRANCHISE
Andrew McCutchen

I hope you’re not expecting any bad jokes making fun of Mr. McCutchen. You won’t be getting any as the guy’s probably my favorite player in baseball that doesn’t play for Detroit. The kid is awesome.

-2011 All-Star

-2009 Baseball America Rookie of the Year

-Drafted 11th overall by Pittsburgh in the 2005 MLB Draft. The Tigers selected 10th in 2005 and instead took Cameron Maybin. Normally, this is where I complain about Detroit being horrendous in the Draft, but Maybin led to the team acquiring Miguel Cabrera. So I’ll just be quiet this time.

-Off to a huge start this year hitting .349/.407/.535 with 5 HR, 16 RBI, and an OPS+ of 161

-I'll weep when he eventually joins the Yankees or Red Sox

TEAM STRENGTH

No idea. The National League is stupid. Track down Uncle Ian and ask him.

/hard hitting analysis

OLD FRIENDS

Just one guy. Move on to the next section…

WORST ENEMY
Jason Grilli

Yes. The dreaded “Cheese Man” is a Pittsburgh Pirate. If you can find a more hated ex-Tiger (with the possible exception of Juan Gonzalez), I’d like to hear his name. Grilli gave up 13 homers in parts of four seasons out of the pen for Detroit, though it seemed like double that. I have yet to meet a Tiger fan that misses him, especially after his ugly exit that saw him trading verbal barbs with Jim Leyland.

Jason has seen a bit of a career rebirth out of Pittsburgh’s pen this year and last. He has a combined ERA of 2.45 with them and has only allowed 4 homers in 47.2 innings.

I hope he gets into a game and Cabrera hits one 500 feet off of him.

FANBASE
-Michael Keaton

-Guy that played Squiggy on Laverne and Shirley

-As for the rest of them, if they’re anything like every Steelers fan I’ve ever met, they should be doused in kerosene immediately lit on fire.

OVERALL

Playtime is over and the Pirates are not a very good baseball team. It’s time to start winning some games before the pitchfork and torch store being built across the street from Comerica finally opens for business.

6 comments:

H2OPoloPunk said...

LOL! I have that card! (plus, Barry Bonds' and Bobby Bonilla's rookie cards were in the second edition of that year, which I also have). I love baseball cards.

Guest said...

You forgot that Don Kelly's family lives in Pittsburgh and that his brother-in-law Neil Walker plays for the Pirates.  Another reason to hate them.

OhGrilli said...

Favorite Grilli molotov cocktail moment? Gotta be the 12 balls in a row in the ALCS...a dozen veins blowing one at a time...

Jay Hathaway said...

 Yep, me too.  I had that one sitting on my window sill for a while because it's so damn awesome.

Jay Hathaway said...

McCutchen is awesome.
 

EightMileCats said...

Agreed...  I'd love to see him in the old english D.  But I wouldn't give up Miggy to have him... so I guess it worked out for us.  
Now, they could have Ajax, Turner, and any other prospect or two they want for him...  I'd kill to have him hitting in front of Miggy/Prince