Saturday, May 26, 2012

It's Arts & Crafts Day at DNR!

Hey, kids! Looking for a fun way to pass the time? Trying to come up with a fun activity for you and your significant other/kids/sibling/prostitute tied up in the basement? Lucky you, because it's ARTS & CRAFTS DAY at DesigNate Robertson!

Well, head on over to the Free Press site and scroll down a bit. There, you can download your very own Paper Detroit Tiger to make! So much fun! And they have ALL your favorite Tigers. And Collin Balester, too! Think of all the fun adventures you can have. I know I couldn't wait to get started.

But I'm not about to make a Justin Verlander, as seen above in the illustration from the freep. Everyone's going to be making a JV or a Cabrera. No, I decided that my son and I were going to go in a different direction...

We're making a Don Kelly doll! Funny...Rogo Junior doesn't seem too happy about that choice.

Well, I wasn't about to let that party pooper keep me from making a paper doll out of everyone's favorite scrappy .172 hitting utility player. Oh, no. And after several agonizing minutes of cutting around several annoying corners, Paper Don Kelly was born.
Yes, Paper Don Kelly even comes with creepy facial hair for some reason. Bonus! And not only is he nearly the size of your average heart attack inducing energy drink, but he has approximately the same hitting ability as the actual Don Kelly!

But what to do with Paper Kelly? Hmm. In this situation, I did what I do in most situations. I think to myself, "What would Justin Verlander do?" And what would JV do with Don Kelly?
Monkey see, monkey do. But safety first, kids. We should probably take Paper Don Kelly outside before setting his shoes on fire. And get a bucket.
Oh, hohohohohoho! Look at his shoes go! This is...uh oh. This is getting out of control.
Oh noes! Unlike Real Don Kelly, Paper Don Kelly burned up completely. What a sad day. This is why I can't have nice things.

So when you make your new best friend out of paper, don't set his shoes on fire. Instead, take care of him and put him in a nice, safe place where alcoholic pyromaniacs such as myself can't find them. Take for instance, PAPER RYNO!
Yes, Paper Ryan Raburn now occupies a place on honor along other Tiger legends that only I ever liked. There you see Bobblehead Gary Sheffield, Bobblehead Bobby Higginson, and Bobblehead Jim Leyland (among other stupid things I own). Paper Ryno fits in perfectly.

I hope this was fun and informative for you all. After all, here at DNR, I strive to bring you excellence in each and every post.

Have a great day!

(And eat crap. My kid had fun. That's all that matters.)

1 comment:

H2OPoloPunk said...

LOL, this is fucking hysterical! Reminds me a lot of Sam Pearlstein's Ugueth Urbina series (e.g.