Wednesday, May 23, 2012
How To Vastly Improve "Tigers Weekly"
For a couple years now, I’ve written on this silly blog 3-7 times per week about Detroit baseball. I spend way more time than is probably normal thinking about the stupid team throughout the day (What’s wrong with the lineup, who can contribute from Toledo, can I get away with murdering Boesch, etc). Even today, when my boss used the words “mute point”, I immediately decided this is how it must feel to work for Rod Allen.
So you’d think that a show called “Tigers Weekly” would appeal to me. I mean, it’s a weekly show about the Tigers on FSD. But you’d be wrong. I can’t stomach five minutes of it without wanting to stab out my eyes with a steak knife. It’s boring, it’s unwatchable, and it’s usually an insult to the viewer’s intelligence.
Fluff piece after fluff piece. Crap that has nothing to do with the Tigers. At least they finally quit showing the Prince Fielder/Miguel Cabrera interview after 1000 viewings. But does anyone watching a show called “Tigers Weekly” really care about say, some little league team in a Detroit suburb? No. We want to know why Delmon Young can’t take a goddamn pitch. We want to know how Andy Dirks’ neck got so freakishly big. We want to know why Luke Putkonen still exists on the ballclub.
I feel they could easily improve the show with minimal effort. Why not turn “Tigers Weekly” into a once a week roundtable discussing the past week of Tigers baseball? Would that be too much to ask? You’d have a host, a panel of 3-4 ex-Tigers, and a list of topics. Simple.
But who should host? I have a list of candidates.
1. Dan Dickerson-Knowledgeable, great voice, watches every game and notices everything. Seriously, I think I could be entertained by listening to Dan read a phonebook.
2. Mario Impemba-Like Dan, but not so much in each category.
3. Ryan Field (or Keating, York, etc)-Like Mario, but not so much in each category.
4. ME! That’s right, FSD. Hire me to host this show. I know baseball, I work cheap, I find myself HYSTERICAL, and I’ll ask the tough questions. (Seriously, guys. Why in the name of Gary Sheffield’s shriveled testicles would Leyland bat Kelly leadoff? DISCUSS!)
5. The FSD girls. I’m sure they’re qualified for the job. Why else would they have been hired?
Whatever. Get a weekly host and surround him with retired Tigers. And I’m not talking about brain-dead morons like Bondo (though that might be funny in a sick way). I’m talking about smart guys that may be even still involved with the team. Al Kaline and Willie Horton come to mind. Fly Todd Jones in once a week. He’s intelligent, funny, and still loves Detroit. Bring in Kenny Rogers a couple times. Offer Higginson a hooker (or a FSD girl) to make an appearance. Even have Lynn Henning come in and let the ex-players call him names. There’s an endless selection of guys that would work. And if they’re not available, bring in Craig Monroe, Jim Price, and Rod Allen to talk into the wrong camera while answering questions incorrectly.
My point is, anything is better than the current incarnation of “Tigers Weekly”. I’d even settle for a cooking show starring Gene Lamont and Lloyd McClendon.
Make this happen, FSD. It’s not like the actual ballclub’s been very entertaining thus far.