Today is my 35th birthday.
So it occurred to me this morning, my life is halfway over, or close to it barring any unforeseen lightning strikes or semi-truck collisions. And it dawned on me that in the couple years I’ve been writing this site, sure I’ve hopefully provided some laughs. Maybe I’ve (gasp) even occasionally offered some insight into the Tigers and the game of baseball. But I haven’t done any real good for our National Pastime. I’d like to attempt to change that today.
I’ve been watching baseball and the Tigers for around 27 years now. In that time, I’ve seen our game survive atrocities such as performance enhancing drugs, gambling controversies, and Don Kelly batting leadoff. But one stain on the sport has not been addressed by the media and/or Bud Selig and I think it continues to tarnish the game of baseball on a daily basis. It must be stopped.
I speak, of course, of “The Wave”.
I hate The Wave more than the act of setting newborn puppies on fire. I don’t understand the point of it. Many cities and teams claim they are the origin of the silly fan activity, as you can read about here. Of course, Boston is atop the list. But why are so many so willing to take credit for a pointless, boring activity that causes so much potential disaster. For example…
-Encouraging drunken frat boys in Inge jerseys to stand, spill beer all over, and yell “Ready, 1, 2, Wooooo!”.
-Mocking the unfortunate in wheelchairs that cannot participate in The Wave.
-Making fat girls in Boesch jerseys stand with their arms extended and expose their ill-conceived tramp stamps.
-Blocking the view of a one run game in the ninth inning from the seven people in the park that are there to watch baseball.
And so on.
I could go on for days here about my hatred of the wave. But instead, I leave with you one final birthday plea from Your Party Host.
As much as I appreciate people saying “Happy Birthday”, writing on my Facebook wall instead of having to actually call me to say two words, or the ever popular, but rarely seen, birthday pity hand job, I urge you to PLEASE stop the wave. Tell a friend. Explain it to your children. Write your Congressperson. Do whatever it takes. Do it for me. Do it for you. Do it for the game itself.
The Wave must be destroyed.
I beg of you.