Thursday, April 19, 2012

Know Thy Enemy: 2012 Texas Rangers

After a sweep of the Royals, your Tigers return home with a 9-3 record and a 2 ½ game lead in the AL Central. Not too shabby. But stuff’s about to get real this weekend.

The defending AL Champion Texas Rangers are coming to town for a four game series. As difficult as the early schedule has been on Detroit, they haven’t faced anyone like the Rangers yet, as Texas is currently many people’s choice as the best team in baseball. Considering their impressive 10-2 record (with both losses going to closer Joe Nathan), they’re off to a start justifying that distinction. It should be quite a series as the Tigers seek early season revenge for the ALCS last year.

Let’s take a look at the Rangers today.

Michael Young

-Seven time All-Star

-2008 Gold Glove winner

-2005 AL batting champion

-2006 All-Star Game MVP

-Two time Marvin Miller Man of the Year winner

-Can play nearly any position…imagine Don Kelly if he was good at baseball.

-Originally drafted in 1994 in 25th round by Baltimore. Did not sign with them.

-Drafted again in 1997 by Toronto in 5th round.

-Traded by Toronto in 2000 with Darwin Cubillan to Texas for Esteban Loaiza. Silly Blue Jays…

-Met his wife in high school. Awwww…

-Cousin of former WBO light welterweight champion Zack Padilla

-Possibly most underrated player in baseball the past 20 years. If he would have played in New York, he would be Derek Jeter-huge. Or close to it.


Everything. They can hit. They can field. They can pitch. Tough bullpen, too. Did I mention they can hit? This is a scary team, folks. In fact, they are the only team in baseball that frightens me when matched up with Detroit.


-Colby Lewis

-Gary Pettis (1st base coach)

Alexi Ogando

-In 6 career regular season games vs Detroit (3 starts), Ogando is 3-0 with a 1.54 ERA.

-In 4 ALCS relief appearances vs Detroit last year, Alexi was 2-0 with a 1.17 ERA and 10 K’s in 7.2 innings pitched.

-In 2005, was banned from entering the U.S. for 5 years due to his involvement in a human trafficking ring. Seriously.

-Was originally an outfielder in Oakland’s system, but Texas claimed him in the 2005 Rule 5 draft and turned him into a pitcher. It obviously paid off 5 years later when he was finally granted his visa.

-Has giant tumor on his face.

-Seriously, though, fuck this guy with a broken beer bottle.

-George W. Bush

-Owen Wilson

-Chuck Norris?

-Illegal aliens

-Grown adults that like to play dress up (Cowboys okay, Indians not so much)

-People that just started watching baseball last year

-Alli from BYB (traitor)


Again, this team is very good. And this will be an interesting early season test for the Tigers as these are the two teams that are heavy favorites to represent the AL in the World Series this year. But keep in mind, how both these teams look in April is most likely going to be very different from how they look in late September. Injuries, the trade deadline, and numerous other factors keep things interesting throughout the season.

Thus, try not to get too worked up either way depending on the outcome of this series. That doesn’t make it any more or less fun, though. Should be a hell of a weekend.


Mike_is_bored said...

An argument could be made that Nelson Cruz is a bigger enemy than Ogando, due to him basically single-handedly keeping the Tigers out if the WS last year.

Adam Dubbin said...

Three points:
1) Where the hell did you find the sunflower-seed pic?
2) Michael Young is cousins with Padilla? Is this one of those weird marriage relationships like Zach Thomas and Jason Taylor?
3) Alli roots for EVERYONE, in her defense. I suspect she's a sore loser, thus roots for everyone so she's guaranteed a win.

SRogo said...

1. Yahoo image search for "funny Josh Hamilton", I think. Tried to avoid the drunk pics this time.

2. Young is legit part Hispanic. I didn't know that either.

3. Alli always wins. if not, she'll kill you.

ChaunceyD said...

We need a plan to raise Ty Cobb from the dead to come run the Tigers.  Because the coolest thing about the Rangers is that Nolan Ryan is the GM or President or whatever the fuck he is.  Could you imagine Ty Cobb and Nolan Ryan facing off if Ryan hit him with a pitch...or maybe they just sit back and share stories about a time when the darkies weren't allowed to  play with white folks...

Tracy Babb said...

I agree.  It's early, so I won't get too worked up over it.  Nevertheless, it would be an amazing feeling if we could demolish Texas for so many reasons.  My favorite line from you last year in the ALCS had to be, "If I ever have a tumor on my left testicle I'm naming in Nelson Cruz."  Scary team.  Let's get some wins.

Jose_K Guerrero said...

The Tigers have Al Kaline and Willie Horton what is cool too

Jay Hathaway said...

5 bucks says Shlereth is down with Toledo tomorrow.  He needs to refine some stuff for sure.

Julian Miller said...

I did not know that about Ogando until now.  At least I have an objective reason to hate that bastard now.  

Seriously, even if he were traded to the Tigers I hope he is pushed into a vat of acid.

Julian Miller said...

Toledo doesn't even pale to the hell he deserves.  

(Full disclosure: Toledo native.)

Kevin C. said...

Yay, Zach Miner is headed back to the D.

Allison Hagen said...

 I always knew you were a smart man, Rogo.

Adam Dubbin said...


mark said...

Kindergarden Cop humor slays me every time...

kalinecountry said...

worst enemy wart face ogando. Scowl face beltre...where's Victor so he can rub his head. f'n tiger killer pie face murphy. and ron washington will snort up the first base line.
With Porcello's numbers vs. this team,