Another Huge Tuesday

The King of Trolls is back again this week, basically repeating the same nonsense from last week.  But we’ll get to that in a minute.  First, I would like to take a look at Bill Simonson himself.

Bill is a sports-talk DJ that contributes a column to mLive once a week.  In both of these jobs, his goal is to get as many listeners/readers as possible.  How do you do that?  One of two ways.

First, you can deliver high quality, intelligent, entertaining, logical, thought provoking commentary on your chosen subject.  You can build a reputation as being tough but fair, while giving well-researched analysis to the listeners/readers.

Or you could take the easy way out.  Be a troll.  Be a “shock jock” and criticize everything.  Scream your nonsense loud and long enough until the casual, uninformed masses out there accept your B.S. as fact.

Bill is the second guy and he always has been, from what I’ve seen.  He is trying to piss people off to get ratings and it apparently works.  Good for him.  But it doesn’t make him right.

For example, years ago, he was working as a DJ in Tulsa before being fired for saying that interviewing the then African-American football coach of Oklahoma was “like trying to interview Buckwheat”.  After Tulsa, Bill moved on to Chicago and made news when he got drunk and was beaten up in the area around old Comiskey Park while stumbling around late at night after a game.  Simonson and his friend Ron Bell, discussing their attackers, said that they only approached the gang of guys who eventually attacked them because they were "well-dressed, middle-class, college-age" kids -- had they been "thugs" or "punks", they would have steered clear.  Gee…what do you think the guy who called a black coach “Buckwheat” meant by that?

And, of course, we’ve all been subjected to his ignorant ramblings on Detroit and Michigan sports for a while now, too.  Ideally, if one would ignore the man long enough, he would disappear.  But I have to admit…I just love tearing his ridiculous “insight” apart with juvenile insults.  He is damn good for blog fodder, I give him that much.

And that finally brings us to this week.

I think the Rangers series last weekend was a Texas-sized wakeup call for the Detroit Tigers.

Indeed.  If not for a defensive miscue and an umpire blowing an obvious call, the Tigers could have split a four game series with the unquestioned best team currently in baseball despite injuries to key players and others struggling mightily.  That should have woke them up and made them realize that they really belong.  Hooray!

Just look at how the Rangers ran out their star-studded, big-money lineup every game against Detroit.

You didn’t even watch the series, did you, Huge?  Mitch Moreland, David Murphy, Craig Gentry, and Alberto Gonzalez all got starts in the series in the platoons the Rangers employ.  Michael Young plays at 2B, 3B, and DH as Ron Washington rotates guys in and out.  We’re not off to a good start this week.

Texas isn’t playing Triple-A talent such as Adam Wilk, Daniel Schlereth (who was finally sent down to Toledo) or Thad Weber, let alone two guys hitting below .100 in Ryan Raburn and Brandon Inge in a huge early-season series.

No, but Texas is playing the .152 hitting Moreland and using rookie reliever Robbie Ross in several ballgames already.  Adam Wilk is being used by Detroit because #2 starter Doug Fister is on the disabled list and top prospect Jacob Turner is hurt, too.  Ryan Raburn, no stranger to early season struggles, is sporting a .094 batting average on balls put in play.  His career BABIP is .321, showing just how unlucky the poor guy has been so far.

As for Inge, I said all along that I preferred the team carry Danny Worth over him this year.  But a big contract plus over a decade with the Tigers was going to obviously make them give him a shot early this year.  How much longer he lasts…that’s the $5 million question.

The Rangers play to win every game.

Jim Leyland plays to lose one out of three.  Always has.  Can’t believe teams keep hiring him!

Sigh.

Texas fans aren’t telling people it’s a long season and no need to worry.

How do you know?  No one can understand a fucking thing that a Texan says!

CRAZY TEXAN:  Y’all gon gitter dun iffin yantoo!  Yeehaw!

/shoots guns in air

(Sorry, Alli.)

Why do the Tigers always play a ton of Triple-A talent-level players so often?

Yeah!  Assholes!  Who are these Cabrera, Fielder, Jackson, Boesch, Young, Peralta, and Avila guys?  Verlander, Porcello, Scherzer, Benoit, Valverde, and Coke?  More like Coke Zero!  Hahahaha!

(in voice like I’m speaking to a 4 year old)

Well, Billy, you see it’s almost impossible to field a team consisting of All-Stars at every position.  A combination of limited elite talent in the majors, payroll, and other factors all tie into this.  The Tigers currently have a platoon at second base consisting of flawed, but not terrible players (other than Inge) that are off to slow starts after 16 games.  Luckily, there are 162 games in the long, long MLB season where these slow starts will even out over time.  The team has a similar situation at designated hitter due to the terrible injury to Victor Martinez.

Now, Billy, this early season struggling thing isn’t a phenomenon solely being experienced by Ryan Raburn, believe it or not.  Marlon Byrd is a career .278 hitter that’s off to a .085 start.  Clint Barmes of the Pirates, while not as good as Byrd, is much better than his current .089 average.  Aramis Ramirez, a guy that many people wanted the Tigers to go after, is hitting .164.  Scott Rolen’s at .170.  Kevin Youkilis is hitting .174.  All-Stars Alex Gordon and Russell Martin are hitting .177 and .179 respectively.  Even ex-Tiger hero Placido Polanco is only hitting .200 after 55 at bats.

It works the other way, too, Billy.  Matt Kemp isn’t going to keep hitting .460.  Eventually he’s going to struggle and the average will drop to around .320.  David Ortiz isn’t a .441 hitter.  Derek Jeter won’t finish the year hitting .411.  But don’t tell him that or he’ll have you shot and bang your little sister.

The point is, Billy, that it’s very early in the year.  Common logic tells us that these slumping players will eventually figure it out and start playing better.  In Ryan Raburn’s case, he’s had some tough pitching to face thus far.  A much easier schedule is coming in May where we’ll hopefully begin to see the .260-.290 hitter he’s been the past few years in Detroit.

/messes Billy’s hair

Now go clean your room, you little scamp!

You can blame the injury on Doug Fister for Wilk being with the team. Everything else is on Detroit manager Jim Leyland’s lineups, atrocious early-season bullpen management and the fact that most Tigers bats are cold.

Well which one is it?  Is it the bad lineups, poor bullpen, or cold bats that are the reason the Tigers have the second best record in the American League?  I IZ CONFUZED.

Austin Jackson, Miguel Cabrera and Prince Fielder have helped early.

Austin’s fell off a bit the past week.  Miguel went four plus games without a hit.  And Prince has looked more like Fat Tony Gwynn than Prince Fielder this year.  I can’t believe you’re letting them all off the hook.

The star hitters will produce more.

They better.

I think a lot of teams already are pitching around them and challenging Brennan Boesch and Delmon Young to beat them.

Well, duh.  And they’ll continue to if they’re smart.  Boesch and Young are the real keys to the offense.  As long as they keep swinging at everything thrown up there, the team will continue to struggle to score runs.  Don’t blame Raburn and Inge at the back end of the lineup.  Point the finger where it belongs.  Boesch and Young need to be smarter hitters or this team is going to only go as far as the pitching takes them.

Boesch has to hit in the second spot for Cabrera and Fielder to see pitches. If he doesn’t produce consistently, then Jhonny Peralta should bump up to No. 2 in the  batting lineup.

Holy Mother of God.  We agree on something.  I’ve been beating the “Bat Jhonny Second” drum since last year.  I have zero trust in Boesch, who has somehow become Detroit’s newest favorite Tiger despite doing jack and shit to deserve it.  His jerseys are everywhere.

The bats need to get going in Detroit. The starting pitching and Jackson have kept the start of the season from being a total disaster.

Now you’re being dramatic again.  The Tigers have the second best AL record for many reasons other than that.  The Avila walkoff.  The Inge homer in KC.  Jhonny Peralta’s consistent bat.  Even the bullpen, other than Schlereth, has kept the team in ballgames.  Do you even know who Duane Below is?

Everything is too much of a struggle right now for the Tigers. Nothing seems to come easy. I think some of that is on the players, but also on Leyland.

Did Jim Leyland run over Bill Simonson’s dog at some point and it didn’t get published in the Detroit papers?  I’m serious.  If Terry Francona or Tommy Brookens was the Tiger skipper, does Huge think that Robinson Cano is somehow the second baseman and Daniel Schlereth would morph into 1984 Willie Hernandez?

I can’t stress enough how frustrated I am with the continued support Leyland shows for Inge and Raburn.

I know.  What kind of dickhead would support his ballplayers?  Especially a guy with over a decade in Detroit and another that has shown he will produce over the long haul.

I wrote last week that if the dynamic duo is hitting, let them play.

And I wrote that if you don’t let them play, how can they start hitting?

When they’re not hitting and you run out both Inge and Raburn, barely hitting above .100, you are throwing away six to eight outs per game. That kills the big inning.

You’re assuming that whoever you put in for Inge or Raburn will get a hit every time up to get your six to eight outs per game.  That’s just stupid.  As for killing your big inning, how much slugging do you expect to get out of the bottom of the lineup on any given day?  They’re at the bottom for a reason.  Ramon Santiago and Danny Worth aren’t going to start hitting .300 anytime soon.

As for Inge and Raburn, in the games they’ve started, it’s been for the most part against lefties that they’ve hit well in the past.  Leyland is playing the percentages in those cases with the talent his has on the team.  It’s not always going to work out.  A monkey knows this.

It’s been 16 games.  Only a dipshit would think that even Inge won’t improve over his sub-.100 average.

/looks up “dipshit” in imaginary dictionary

/sees picture

Oh.

The Tigers need the big innings to be a champion this year. How on earth would any manager put not one, but two, sub-.100 hitters in the same lineup against a powerhouse team? No other team in baseball does this. What may be a cold splash of reality is they’re not as good as we hoped they would be. They are relying on way too many fringe players at this time.

Again, this is where I point out the Tigers have the second best record in the entire American League despite injuries and struggles.  I only repeat myself because Bill does it to fill out his columns.

This past weekend showed the Tigers are far behind Texas in top-to-bottom talent and arms. This is stunning considering the Tigers have three AL MVP candidates in their clubhouse and almost a half a billion in player salaries in the dugout.

Texas has at least three MVP candidates of their own in Hamilton, Young, and (insert starting pitcher of your choice here).  They are the best team in baseball right now. 

As for your misleading “half a billion” bullshit, close to half of that is tied up in Prince himself.  Texas has a better all around team.  But once you make the playoffs, anything can happen.  Ask the Rangers about that when they ran into a supposedly inferior Cardinals team in the World Series.

The start may be fine for some of you but the Rangers series exposed the Tigers.

Oh, get fucked with a pine cone.  They lit up Porcello on a bunch of dink hits and Brandon Inge fucking up in the field.  They lit up Adam Wilk who is only in there due to injuries to Fister and Turner.  JV beat them on Saturday and Sunday’s game could have gone either way.  If Texas came into town and bombed the Tigers out of the water 20-0 in four straight games, you’d be right.  But they didn’t and you’re not.

Since the Boston series, the power has been disconnected. I think the weak spots in this lineup are killing the Tigers right now.

You DO?  Why didn’t you say so fifteen times before???

Leyland needs to stop playing guys who aren’t producing. He needs to run out his half a billion in salaries and give them an occasional day off when they need it.

Half a billion.  BEST NINE.  Run out the money, Jim.  Send Cabrera, Fielder, and Verlander out.  NO ONE ELSE.

Inge and Raburn shouldn’t pick up a bat for a long time -- if ever again in a Tigers uniform.

Inge, I agree.  Show him the door, thank him kindly, and give Worth the shot he deserves.  As for cutting Raburn, you’re a fucking moron.  Simonson himself wanted Raburn starting not too long ago.  And after three weeks, it’s time to make him retire.  Die, die, DIE.

Those two alone this season are mojo killers when their name is in the lineup.

For the love of God, someone find the MOJO!

Or if you prefer, we could stay with the Simpsons theme...

Inge is fine as a $6 million defensive replacement and occasional big-swing-and-pray pinch-hitter. Raburn is a swing-and-miss guy at the plate right now and in the field.

Quick, guess how many Tigers have more strikeouts than Raburn?  Give up?  SEVEN.  Avila, Fielder, Peralta, Cabrera, Young, Boesch, and Jackson have more than Ryno’s nine.

Raburn has 9 in 46 plate appearances.  Avila has 12 in 47 plate appearances.  Give Raburn a break.  Dude has had some terrible luck this year.

Why Leyland sticks with these guys has to be his baseball roots as a journeyman minor leaguer himself.

This is the stupidest thing in the history of stupid things.

Join me in praying that Huge embraces his racist past and calls Cabrera a “wetback” or something, gets fired again, and moves on to torture the Boston fanbase.  He would be perfect in Beantown.

“WHAT’S DA MATTAH, BAHBBY VEE?  NOT ENUFF BEE-YAH AND CHICKEN?  HAR HAR!”

We all think this season isn’t just about winning the weak AL Central.

No, but it’s the important first goal.  Win the Central and anything can happen in the playoffs.

/prays for Raburn to hit the walkoff that wins the World Series

(I will caution you, the starters in Chicago will keep the White Sox closer to the Tigers than first forecast.)

And watch out for the preppie douchebags on the Windy City streets after midnight.  NOT FRIENDLY.

It’s about supplanting the Rangers as the best team in the American league.

They can’t compete with Texas on paper.  It’s too late for that.  But they can take them in a seven game series.  With Justin Verlander on the roster, anything can happen.

To get there, I think they need another veteran arm in the bullpen and a Sean Casey-like veteran off the bench.

/record scratch

You’ve done nothing but say the daily lineup sucks.  But you think the key to bettering Texas is another bullpen guy when we already have the Dotel/Coke/Benoit/Valverde setup and a getting Sean Casey clone?  Dude, Casey Kotchman is only hitting .157 right now!  Why do you want him?

As usual, you’re completely wrong.  We need Boesch and Young to play like they’re (hopefully) capable of playing.  In 130 combined plate appearances, they have one walk apiece with Brennan hitting .212.  This cannot continue.  We need Prince and Miguel to find their power strokes again.  We need Porcello and Scherzer to realize their potential.  We need Avila to hit better than .244.  We need Dirks, Fister, and Alburquerque to get healthy.  A late season return of Victor Martinez could be unreal.  A power bat in the mold of Marcus Thames in 2006 could be a plus.

Trading for Jesse Crain is not.  Not in fucking April.  In July, Dombrowski will assess the team's needs and make moves.  It happens every year in baseball and doesn’t happen with a goddamned week to go in April.  Have some patience, act like you’ve watched a baseball season before, and grow the fuck up, you idiot cockwallet.

When Fister comes back, the starting pitching will be championship caliber. The young arm and name I like a lot in that Tigers rotation is Drew Smyly. He has been fantastic. He looks like a young Tom Glavine.

A young Tom Glavine went 9-21 while striking out 3.7 batters per nine in his first two seasons.  Smyly’s been great and K’ing 8.4 per nine.  They look nothing alike other than being left-handed and white.

And don’t expect Drew to continue to be so dominant.  When the scouting report gets out on him, teams won’t continue to be shut down every game against him.  Rookies struggle at times.

And when this happens, expect Simonson to scream about Leyland having him on the team.

If Leyland plays to win every game, the Tigers could end up the best team in baseball this year. Based on the first three weeks of the season, I don’t have a lot of confidence in Leyland or the way he is managing this team right now.

Second best record in the AL against the toughest part of their schedule.  Leyland is an asshole.  He’s a witch!  BURN HIM!

For a half-billion in salaries,

FUCK YOU, YOU INSUFFERABLE DICK SNOT!

you would think Leyland and the Tigers could do better than what they showed us this past weekend.

DIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIE

Fans have a right to expect more out of this team and Leyland when playing the best in baseball, whether it’s April or the postseason.

/bangs head on desk for 20 minutes

Bill Simonson and those of his ilk are giving me cancer.  I’m convinced of it. 

Let us review.  No team is perfect.  Even the Rangers have platoons.  It’s a long season and players will have hot and cold streaks.  The Tigers do not have Lou Whitaker waiting at AAA to come play second.  Doug Fister will return.  The Tigers will make moves at the deadline depending on their needs.

AND THEY HAVE THE SECOND BEST RECORD IN THE ENTIRE AMERICAN FUCKING LEAGUE!!!

Goodbye.  I need some Advil.

(For more on Huge’s Tulsa firing/Chicago beating, go here and here.)