Wednesday, April 4, 2012

2012 Predictions and Hopeless Optimism

Are you ready, kids?

As I write this, it’s Opening Day Eve. This Tigers team has been hyped up and it’s time to actually play the games. It’s an exciting time to be a fan of the Detroit Tigers and I hope you’re all joining me in being fanboy optimistic and looking forward to the 2012 season.

With that, it’s time for my worthless predictions on the upcoming year. We’ll cover each MLB division, playoffs, awards, and my own silly additions at the end. I’m usually way off on these, so feel free to mock me in a couple months for being wrong about everything. Hooray.


1. New York
2. Tampa Bay
3. Boston
4. Toronto
5. Baltimore


1. Detroit
2. Cleveland
3. Kansas City
4. Chicago
5. Minnesota


1. Texas
2. Los Angeles
3. Seattle
4. Oakland


1. Philadelphia
2. Atlanta
3. Miami
4. Washington
5. New York


1. Cincinnati
2. Milwaukee
3. St. Louis
4. Pittsburgh
5. Chicago
6. Houston


1. Arizona
2. Los Angeles
3. San Francisco
4. Colorado
5. San Diego

AL WILDCARDS: Tampa and Los Angeles
NL WILDCARDS: Atlanta and Los Angeles
WORLD SERIES: Detroit over Philadelphia (Homer Note: Bite me.)


AL MVP: Miguel Cabrera (Homer Note: Eat shit.)
AL Cy Young: Justin Verlander (Homer Note: And die.)
AL Rookie of the Year: Yu Darvish

NL MVP: Matt Kemp
NL Cy Young: Tim Lincecum
NL Rookie of the Year: No clue…NL games suck.

Tigers Predictions

Biggest Surprise: Ryan Raburn (.275, 28, 95)—YEAR OF THE RYNO
Biggest Disappointment: Max Scherzer (I wanna believe, but he scares me.)
First Player Released: Brandon Inge (on May 6th for my birthday)
On the rise: Rick Porcello (Big year for Rick, I’m hoping.)
On the fall: Jose Valverde (No way he can do it again…can he?)
Number of articles written praising .240 hitting Don Kelly: Infinate.
Mid-season Tigers trade need: Starting Pitcher

Hopeful Happenings

Player I most want to see get hit by a train: Jered Weaver (twice if possible)
Team I most want to see go into the tank: Los Angeles Angels (still bitter)
Derek Jeter Memorial Award for player that will be praised most by media for doing nothing: Derek Jeter
Number of games before Ozzie Guillen loses it for1st time in Miami: Less than 20.
Teams contracted by Bud Selig at finish of season: Twins, Angels

Bottom line, I’m excited. I’m getting up early tomorrow and heading to the D for my third Opening Day. It’s usually amateur hour on Day One, and I end up getting angry at everyone, but I’m still looking forward to it. Just like the whole season.

If you see a 6’4 angry looking dude in a Higginson jersey tomorrow, say hi. Unless you have an Inge or Kelly jersey on. In that case, expect to be stabbed. The same goes if I catch you trying to start the wave at any point. Or booing Ryan Raburn.

But yeah…it’s going to be an interesting six months. I don’t care if I’m wrong about everything here…as long as I’m right about that World Series thing. Chasing nirvana…

I’ll be back Thursday evening with a report on the Opening Day happenings. Unless I get arrested…


Derek Schwanger said...

You mean 6' 4" and eggheaded. You would have had more fun today..... Just saying.

Timothy Joseph Forbes said...

Lets fire up its a new season. All I know is I'm finishing my accounting test as fast as possible to get home for this game. 

H2OPoloPunk said...

Number of articles written praising .240 hitting Don Kelly: Infinate."

I read that at first as "Infante." I'm guessing you intended that.

Sticking with the homerisms, my ROY prediction for the AL: Drew Smyly. 

Grath said...

Maybe I would stop booing Raburn if he would stop being such a hillbilly.  I may have to sit though another season of "Little Jimmy Jackson Jacking Up His Bronco" but I don't have to do it quietly.

SonataArctica said...

NL Rookie of the year?  I'm going to go with Drew Pomeranz, who will have a better season than Ubaldo Jimenez and make me smile.

Jay Hathaway said...

Dude, growing up near Philly, then later Toledo, I have always dreamed of a Tigers-Phils WS.  That would be outfuckingstanding.

 "Derek Jeter Memorial Award for player that will be praised most by media for doing nothing: Derek Jeter" -- Funniest thing ever written...ever.  Congratulations.

Jay Hathaway said...

Oh, also, I like the predictions.  I think KC will finish second in the central, though.   They will give us fits at times this year, I'm sure, but it'll make for good TV, because there will be at least one 15-12 offensive spectacle.

Kevin C. said...

I agree with you that the Twins will be awful this year. I wonder if Mauer will get bilateral leg weakness again. Morneau hasn't looked like himself I've been told but you should never pay too much attention to spring training stats, they are very misleading (ex. Jhonny Peralta). Their former GM Bill Smith essentially sabotaged the team. I'm also not exactly sure of what Kenny Williams is doing over in Chicago. The indians won't do much. Tigers should win the division pretty easily.