Wednesday, February 8, 2012
Tiger Droppings: I Need a New TV Edition
I got my federal taxes back the other day and left work early this afternoon to check out some TV’s since mine is going to hell and is, I believe, from sometime when Barbaro Garbey was still playing. Your Party Host wants to see Prince Fielder’s robust gut in HD this year, you see. So I fell in love with a 42” one and told the sales schmuck that I wanted it. He said they were out of stock. There was another 42” next to it for $40 more. So, I inquired about that. He said those were out of stock, too. I may have uttered a naughty word or two and wanted to burn the place down and kill everyone in a three block area. Instead, I just left with no TV and came home to yell at the cat.
Thus, I’m fussy and can’t decide what to write about today. So I figured I’d hit on a couple topics I’ve had rattling around in my tiny brain that probably don’t warrant a full blog entry. So suffer through my thoughts on the 5th spot in the rotation, Justin Verlander being a slacker, the everyday lineup, and more.
Verlander, Fister, Scherzer, Porcello, and…Can Inge Pitch?
With Brad Penny off to Japan for way too much money ($4M plus $3.5M in bonuses, yikes!) and all the spoiled sushi he can eat, the Tigers still don’t have a fifth starter for the 2012 season. While most Tiger fans are happy to see Alyssa Milano’s ex out of the D, the fact remains that he did eat up 181.2 innings last year. The team seems set to let a group of kittens fight it out for the #5 spot and your contestants are Jacob Turner, Duane Below, Drew Smyly, Andy Oliver, Casey Crosby, and Adam Wilk.
However, keep in mind that Dave Dombrowski likes to pull deals out of his ass from time to time. Kyle Davies, Jon Garland, Rich Harden, Javier Vazquez, Brandon Webb, and Chris Young are still free agents. So is Roy Oswalt, but he can die of ass AIDS, as far as I’m concerned. Rot in Cinci, Roy.
I do not want Turner in Detroit until September. Let the kid gain confidence in Triple A before throwing him in the deep end. Porcello’s just now coming out of his shell shock. Other than that, I’m up for anything other than Oliver. He sucks on a Nate-like level. I’d like to see Smyly in Toledo a bit, too, so my internal choice would be Duane Below. If he fails, give another kid a shot until the trade deadline provides some more options. Outside the organization, I love a healthy Rich Harden. Sadly, “healthy” and “Harden” go together like “Simonson” and “logic”. (EDIT: Hours after posting this, it was reported that Harden's out for the year already. Sigh.)
But as I’ve said the entire offseason, have faith in Double D. He knows what he’s doing. Right?
Scarier Thought Than Miguel on Defense at Third
Remember last season around this time? We were hearing about how Justin Verlander was working his rear off all offseason to be better prepared for 2011. He was sick of his slow starts and was focused on being the best he could be. The result was a better April followed an MVP and Cy Young season.
Now what’s up with JV this offseason? He’s on Conan. He’s in commercials. He’s at award ceremonies where everyone tells him how great he is. He’s tweeting about playing golf every day.
This scares the shit out of me. Maybe I’ve just seen Rocky III too many times where Rock gets famous and loses all focus before Mr. T kicks the piss out of him. But I’m worried that JV is too busy enjoying his fame and won’t be as hungry as he was in 2011.
I hope I’m wrong. Luckily, I usually am. But I’m still worried.
Another Lineup for Leyland to Ignore
Everyone’ has their own starting lineup they’d like to see. I figured I might as well go on record with mine.
Against RH Pitching
Austin Jackson, CF
Alex Avila, C
Miguel Cabrera, 3B
Prince Fielder, 1B
Delmon Young, DH
Brennan Boesch, RF
Jhonny Peralta, SS
Ryan Raburn, LF
Ramon Santiago, 2B
Everyone shits on him, but I’m convinced that AJax will rebound this year and I still like him first. Despite his K’s, he still sees more pitches that most of the rest of the club seems to and that can only help the guys behind him. I know Leyland’s in love with Boesch in the second spot, but I think Avila’s better patience and higher OBP is a natural fit to be ahead of Mig and Prince. DHing Delmon as much as possible and keeping Ryno out of the infield is a necessity with the defensive downgrade of Mig and Prince on the corners. And despite being a hero against Double A pitching in Winter Ball, Andy Dirks isn’t half as good as his supporters think he is. My theory is these are the same Clete’s Cult dickbrains from a couple years ago and they don’t know the difference between the two guys.
Against LH Pitching
I’ve got Brandon in there to balance out the stonehands defense of Ryno at second. But Raburn’s in a contract year and I’m banking on a more consistent season from him. I also drink a lot, therefore probably explaining my logic there. I like the idea of rotating Prince and Miguel at DH against lefties to keep them fresh, too.
But it’s Jim Leyland’s team. He’s going to have a different lineup every day and more often than necessary, Don Kelly’s name will be in there just to make cuss at my TV. Whatever happens, Jackson, Inge, Raburn, Young, and Peralta all look to be under a microscope this year. Jackson needs to show he belongs in the top spot and the other guys need to show if they’re going to be part of the team after 2012.
Cespedes Watch 2012
Still not a Tiger.
Always a Tiger Update
-Welcome back Brent Dlugach! We can never have enough too old, light-hitting, white infielders taking up spots on our Minor League teams. Expect Tampa to sign him next year.
-My least favorite Tiger of all time, Dane Sardinha, somehow convinced the Orioles to give him a minor league deal. Despite being the worst MLB hitter I’ve ever seen, Sardinha’s also a dick of a human being. Trust me. I hope Ray Lewis stabs him.
-In other Baltimore news, they DFA’d ex-Tiger reliever Clay Rapada. Jerks. Also in Orioles news, they’re still terrible. Free Adam Jones!
-Oakland has shown interest in Magglio Ordonez. The idea of Maggs playing in a non-Tigers uniform makes me sick, but at least he’ll be in the loving arms of Scotty Sizemore, another weird favorite of mine. I think Jeff Larish is still in the A’s organization, too. Billy Beane is obviously a smart man (and a former Tiger), thus his own extension this week.
-In his ongoing attempt to play for every MLB team before turning 30, Edwin Jackson signed a one year, $11M deal with the Nationals. He turned down a 3 year, $30M deal from the Pirates in doing so. That’s like turning down a fat girl with one leg to go out with a fat girl with a bad limp.
-Trever Miller signed with the Cubs. I’m one of three people alive that remembers Trever Miller pitching in Detroit.
-Friend of DNR, Jack, has started his own Tiger blog called Why Won’t the Tigers Hire Me. Please support him unless his work turns out shitty. And Jack, the answer to your question is simple. You are not Venezuelan and/or represented by Scott Boras.
-Another new site to the sidebar is the Detroit Sports Message Board. The Tigers portion is moderated by KalineCountry, one of the more knowledgeable Tiger fans out there, so check it out. However, I can’t speak for the other Detroit sports discussions on there since I hope the Pistons, Lions, and Red Wings all get contracted from their respective leagues. Sorry. Go Bulls/Bears/Avs!
-The Balki to my Cousin Larry, PhilCokesBrain, has done a history of the husky athlete, in honor of Prince Fielder over at Brain Matters. We continue to remain to be not the same person, but I’ll let you all know if that changes, so quit asking.
-Bill Simonson finally returned to saying stupid things at Tigers section of mLive this week by suggesting that Delmon Young should bat second for the team. This is, of course, because the Troll King is dumber than Rob Parker after having an anvil dropped on his head. Notice there’s no link. This is because no one should be subjected to his nonsense unless they plan on mocking it. Instead, I ask you to drop me an email or contact me on Twitter (@DNR_Rogo) if you have a Detroit blog or site that you’d like listed in the sidebar that I’m not aware of. I’m happy to help unless you’re a Don Kelly supporter.
Seeya in a day or two with more nonsense, I guess.
And fuck Wal-Mart. Never shop for a TV there. Yes, I should have known better, but I'm cheap.