Sunday, February 26, 2012

Scenes From Spring Training in Lakeland

JUSTIN VERLANDER:  I just don't know. My form doesn't feel right. I can't get the ball to go where I want it today. My follow-through felt right, but something is just off. Seriously, if my game continues to suffer like this, I don't know what I'll do. This is important to me. This is my life. If I don't figure out what's wrong, and fast, I could be in some serious trouble. What do you think?


CADDY:  Well, Mr. Verlander, I think you'll be just fine. It's only the fourth hole. By the way, shouldn't you be at the ballpark working on your pitching?

VERLANDER:  Boooooring...
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ANDY DIRKS:  So basically, I'm a hero in the Dominican Republic now. Seriously, dude, I'm a real life celebrity! I can't walk down the streets there without people begging for autographs and wanting to shake my hand. It's amazing.
LLOYD MCCLENDON:  That's fascinating. But remember, here you're still just a peckerhead with a tumor neck trying to be the fifth outfielder. So shut your .240 hitting ass up and take a lap around the ballpark.

DIRKS:  Yessir...
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BRANDON INGE:  Boy howdy! I just made it! What luck! Star Wars in 3D starts at 4:00 and I made it just in time! This is going to be so fun. I wish the kids were with me...

(In the shadows)
TOM GAGE:  Inge is merely ON TIME for the movie? What a load of manure. This will make a WONDERFUL column tomorrow. Muaa, hahahahahahaaha!
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SQUEAKY VOICED TEEN:  Okay, sir, that was three double cheeseburgers, a six-piece chicken nuggets with BBQ sauce, two apple pies, and a large Coke. Would you like any fries with that?

MIGUEL CABRERA:  Sí, motherfucker!
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3 comments:

Biff Mayhem said...

"
That's fascinating. But remember, here you're still just a peckerhead with a tumor neck trying to be the fifth outfielder. So shut your .240 hitting ass up and take a lap around the ballpark."

I laughed audibly.

H2OPoloPunk said...

Well played on all counts, Rogo.

frisbeepilot said...

I thought Miggy got down to *two* double cheeseburgers in one sitting this off-season, though.