Thursday, February 2, 2012

My Groundhog Day

Welcome to my Groundhog Day.

6:00am: Wake up. Curse Sonny & Cher.

6:01am: Start sobbing.

6:12am: Fall back asleep.

10:08am: Wake up again. Realize I’m late for work. Brush teeth. Stare at pile of dirty clothes. Put on least smelly shirt and pants.

10:29am: Buy two energy drinks at gas station.

10:33am: Finish two energy drinks.

10:40am: Arrive at work. No one notices I’m late since I do nothing.

10:43am: Sit in office. Start sobbing again.

10:51am: Check to see if Tigers have signed Cespedes.

10:55am: Take nap in office.

11:30am: Check twitter for latest @PhilCokesBrain musings.

11:50am: Eat lunch.

12:30pm: Attempt to get some work done.

12:32pm: Stop attempting to get work done. Begin searching News, Freep, mLive, and Yahoo for stuff to goof on.

1:20pm: Get in text fight with baby mama.

1:40pm: Check to see if Tigers have signed Cespedes.

1:43pm: Go to Kissing Suzy Kolber to look for more bits to rip off.

1:58pm: Write down Don Kelly jokes that only I find funny.

2:05pm: Read multiple columns online about how great/whiny Brandon Inge is.

2:22pm: Take afternoon catnap in office.

3:05pm: Sneak out and pick up kid from school. Pretend to be interested in Pokemon jibber-jabber.

3:28pm: Drop kid off at my mom’s. Head back to work.

3:42pm: Arrive back at job. No one notices I was gone.

3:45pm: Make excuse to leave work early. No one cares.

3:47pm: Avoid “Needle Nose” Ned Ryerson in the parking lot.

4:08pm: Arrive home. Shower/masturbate.

4:21pm: Check to see if Tigers have signed Cespedes.

4:24pm: Scour internet for stuff to rip off/make fun of.

5:30pm: Undercooked TV Dinner.

5:46pm: Start sobbing again.

6:01pm: Check email for job offer to get paid making bad jokes about baseball.

6:02pm: Close email in disappointment.

6:03pm: Argue with cat about politics.

6:14pm: Start writing DesigNate Robertson article that only myself and three others find funny.

7:45pm: Post article. Immediately hate what I wrote.

7:47pm: Search for “Big Bang Theory” rerun on TV.

8:01pm: Check to see if Tigers have signed Cespedes.

8:03pm: Check twitter to see if I have more followers than the fake Tiger accounts yet. Nope.

8:05pm: Bang head against wall.

8:22pm: Boss calls to ask why work didn’t get done. I yell at him that I’m overworked until he apologizes.

8:30pm: Redtube.

9:15pm: Try to find something interesting on TV. Fail miserably since I’ve seen all the Storage Wars episodes 20 times.

9:22pm: Back online to search for more things to rip off/make fun of.

10:42pm: Cespedes? Nope.

10:51pm: Feed cat. Go to bed.

10:53pm: Start sobbing.

1:25am: Fall asleep.

Rinse. Repeat.


Jay Hathaway said...

Storage Wars, eh?  I don't watch much TV that doesn't involve Rod and Mario, but I do catch that one occasionally.  I want to hang with Barry.  The one guy with the sleeveless shirt, Mr. Vegas wannabe, is perhaps the biggest douchebag on the planet.  Maybe you could do a fake storage wars episode where everyone bids on the free agents that are left, like Cespedes?

StorageWarsNumberOneFan said...

Thank you for validating my approach to the Cespedes issue - I just keep checking to see if you've posted that he's been signed.

JacksTigers said...

Am I the only one who about died at 6:03? God, am I easily entertained or what?

H2OPoloPunk said...

If it's any consolation, my day was terrible too, work was an abomination, every piece of equipment we had failed, got yelled at by my supervisor and my grandma had a stroke. Seriously.

"8:30pm: Redtube."

That got me laughing.

SRogo said...

 Dude...that's awful. Sorry to hear that.

momotigers said...

Rogo - Off topic completely, but will you please demolish Passan?;_ylt=AkDrMXDcpoR4wfCdX2KniOURvLYF?slug=jp-passan_josh_hamilton_suffers_relapse_020212 

mercmotorman said...

I cheered up when you informed me there are 2 other people other than me reading and laughing at this.

SRogo said...

 Oh geez. Knew that was coming. What a fuckhead. At least he didn't bring up Cabrera.