Thursday, February 2, 2012
My Groundhog Day
6:00am: Wake up. Curse Sonny & Cher.
6:01am: Start sobbing.
6:12am: Fall back asleep.
10:08am: Wake up again. Realize I’m late for work. Brush teeth. Stare at pile of dirty clothes. Put on least smelly shirt and pants.
10:29am: Buy two energy drinks at gas station.
10:33am: Finish two energy drinks.
10:40am: Arrive at work. No one notices I’m late since I do nothing.
10:43am: Sit in office. Start sobbing again.
10:51am: Check to see if Tigers have signed Cespedes.
10:55am: Take nap in office.
11:30am: Check twitter for latest @PhilCokesBrain musings.
11:50am: Eat lunch.
12:30pm: Attempt to get some work done.
12:32pm: Stop attempting to get work done. Begin searching News, Freep, mLive, and Yahoo for stuff to goof on.
1:20pm: Get in text fight with baby mama.
1:40pm: Check to see if Tigers have signed Cespedes.
1:43pm: Go to Kissing Suzy Kolber to look for more bits to rip off.
1:58pm: Write down Don Kelly jokes that only I find funny.
2:05pm: Read multiple columns online about how great/whiny Brandon Inge is.
2:22pm: Take afternoon catnap in office.
3:05pm: Sneak out and pick up kid from school. Pretend to be interested in Pokemon jibber-jabber.
3:28pm: Drop kid off at my mom’s. Head back to work.
3:42pm: Arrive back at job. No one notices I was gone.
3:45pm: Make excuse to leave work early. No one cares.
3:47pm: Avoid “Needle Nose” Ned Ryerson in the parking lot.
4:08pm: Arrive home. Shower/masturbate.
4:21pm: Check to see if Tigers have signed Cespedes.
4:24pm: Scour internet for stuff to rip off/make fun of.
5:30pm: Undercooked TV Dinner.
5:46pm: Start sobbing again.
6:01pm: Check email for job offer to get paid making bad jokes about baseball.
6:02pm: Close email in disappointment.
6:03pm: Argue with cat about politics.
6:14pm: Start writing DesigNate Robertson article that only myself and three others find funny.
7:45pm: Post article. Immediately hate what I wrote.
7:47pm: Search for “Big Bang Theory” rerun on TV.
8:01pm: Check to see if Tigers have signed Cespedes.
8:03pm: Check twitter to see if I have more followers than the fake Tiger accounts yet. Nope.
8:05pm: Bang head against wall.
8:22pm: Boss calls to ask why work didn’t get done. I yell at him that I’m overworked until he apologizes.
9:15pm: Try to find something interesting on TV. Fail miserably since I’ve seen all the Storage Wars episodes 20 times.
9:22pm: Back online to search for more things to rip off/make fun of.
10:42pm: Cespedes? Nope.
10:51pm: Feed cat. Go to bed.
10:53pm: Start sobbing.
1:25am: Fall asleep.