Friday, February 3, 2012

Meanwhile...in Texas

VOICEOVER: When storage units are abandoned in the great state of Texas, the treasures within are put up for auction.

(Dallas, TX)
VICTOR: Heeey. I’m from New Yawk. I’m beddah than deez rednecks. Badda bing, badda boom. Fowgeddaboutit!
JERRY: As the only likable person on this horrible spinoff, I’m asking you viewers to please help me. I don’t belong here. Someone, ANYONE, send a brotha a bus ticket out of this racist hellhole!
WALT: Okay, folks. You know the rules. We’re gonna open the locker and you all get five minutes to look inside. You can’t enter the locker and you may not touch anything. Whoever has the most cash in their pockets can walk away with it. Yeehaw, let’s get to it! There’s only one locker up for auction today so let’s open her up and see what’s inside!

/locker door ripped open


JOSH HAMILTON: Woooooo! Hey everybody! Fo shizzle, my nizzles! Haw, haw, haw! Who wants to let me do shots off their titties? Wooooooooooooooooo!

WALT: Anyone want to start the bidding at 5 years, $100 million?
NOLAN RYAN: Not anymore, I don’t.

/puts Victor in headlock and starts punching him
----------
Well, with the lame attempt at the haha out of the way, let me just say once again to the media:

Fuck you, you holier than thou pieces of dog shit.

I’m speaking of the Jeff Passans of the world here. Josh Hamilton did not commit any crime this week. He didn’t kill anyone like you’re required to do to join the NFL union. He didn’t fail any illegal drug tests. He wasn’t caught assaulting a nun on crutches. He didn’t pull a Sandusky on local Cub Scout Troop 53.

Josh Hamilton is guilty of one thing and one thing only. Being very fucking stupid.

He says he’s an addict. Cool. But why when you’ve made yourself the poster boy of recovering addicts why would you go into a bar in the one city you are guaranteed to be recognized in? Only Hamilton knows why he could be that dumb.

But for Passan or anyone else to use this as their chance to do judgmental moral bs columns makes me sick. Hamilton fucked up. It happens with addiction. I’ve been trying to quit smoking forever. I keep fucking up. It doesn’t make me a bad person. Sure, I am one, but it’s not because I can’t seem to quit smoking.

And Josh Hamilton isn’t a bad dude, either, from what I’ve seen. He just has a problem with booze. And he’s not too bright judging by where he chose to have a couple beers. He’s an adult, he did something dumb, today's gotcha media got word of it, and it’s probably going to cost him the long term contract he wants. That’s his business.

But please don’t judge him for his moment of weakness, Passans of the world. I think that ends up saying more about you than it does about Josh Hamilton.

6 comments:

H2OPoloPunk said...

Well said, Rogo. Every single human being has their flaws. Instead of pointing fingers, people should be looking in the mirror. It's sad that the media feasts on this stuff the way they do. And it's not just Hamilton. It's 90% of TV programming these days.

kalinecountry said...

This pizza faced c'ksucking faggatoid tulip jeff passan wrote the same crap and worse early last year when Cabrera was down in Florida.
passan has never ever been drunk?? Just about everyone has been there at least once, most just never got caught.
Holier than thou. I really can't stand some of these national media outlet sportswriters.

Supersheap said...

Here Here!

Pawsdeep said...

I despise Passan for the Cabrera article. Read his 'blog' about Hamilton and immediately tried to choke my laptop.

Fuck Jeff Passan. Seriously.

momotigers said...

Thanks, Rogo.  Passan isn't such a bad baseball writer, but I hate it when he decides that a soapbox is in order for just about anyone that doesn't fly the straight and narrow.  And no, Jeff Passan has never been drunk because nobody in their right mind would actually have a drink with this douchebag.  

Kevin C. said...

Jeff Passan is from Ohio, what do you expect? He is also a clown who likes to get attention, he ate gum from under the lunchtables in junior high. He likes attention, any attention whether its is good or bad. That is why he is in the position he is in. He gets people to read his articles by being a clown. You can never win with people like Passan, thats why you just have to ignore them. He has a middle school mentality (I know you are but what am I?) He is the type of person that if you call him out or challenge him to a fight he will backdown and go crying for his lawyer. He has no balls, he is not a mans man. Just a whimpy person who rides his high horse.