Thursday, June 30, 2011

Always A Tiger: Midseason 2011 Edition

The Tigers and many of the MLB teams have hit their official halfway point in the season and I thought this would be a good time to take a look at how the ex-Tiger players are doing this season. Just because they’re wearing a different shirt now doesn’t mean we should forget about them, right?

Right?

Anyway, here’s a position-by-position look at our former heroes in their newer surroundings, including some guys that have been in the minors all season.

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

A HUGE Piece Defending Jim Leyland Against a HUGE Idiot


That is the look I usually get when I'm listening to sports talk shows.  You'd think I'd learn.

On my way home from work, sick of listening to people singing into voice synthesizers over generic drumbeats, and terrified of being left alone with my psychotic thoughts, I once again ventured into the world of sports talk radio. I am a glutton for punishment, it seems.

As luck would have it, they were talking about the Tigers and the upcoming trade deadline. The guy was yammering on about Phil Coke when I tuned in and he was saying how Coke is good for five innings and falls apart after that. He was saying how Coke isn’t going to be successful as a starter.

Now, that’s a bit harsh. In Coke’s 13 starts, he has had six starts of over five innings allowing 2 ER or less. That’s not bad for a #4 starter in his first season starting in the majors. And yeah, Phil’s had six starts where he didn’t look very good. That happens…they can’t all be Verlander. But he’s also had three starts where he hasn’t allowed a run at all.

I assume the host just looked at Phil’s hard-luck 1-7 record and just decided he sucks. They followed the Tiger talk up by saying the Royals are all a bunch of kids with no veterans around that they could possibly trade to a contender before eventually remembering Jeff Francour’s name. Apparently doing a quick check of the roster and seeing the impressive seasons being put up by Melky Cabrera and Wilson Betemit would be too much for them.

My point is, in what other job can you be clueless and wrong most of the time, yet still get paid to be an “expert” on such matters than in sports talk radio? It drives me nuts. And it only seems to get worse when these radio hosts decide to pen a column and spew their ignorant nonsense onto us in written form, too.

And on that note, I give to you, straight from the HUGE show, Mr. Bill Simonson in his latest offering at mLive. Warning…I’m going to be defending Jim Leyland in this piece. I get cranky when I have to defend one of my comic foils.


Monday, June 27, 2011

Meanwhile...(Last Week) in Washington...

(Washington Nationals clubhouse)
JIM RIGGLEMAN: Hot damn, Pudge! We did it, dog gonnit! We’re over the .500 mark! You believe that, man? You know the last time this franchise was over the .500 mark this late in the season?
IVAN RODRIGUEZ: I no care.

RIGGLEMAN: Two oh oh five, my good amigo! Two thousand and five! Hell, most folks thought this team was still the Expos then, my man!

RODRIGUEZ: ¿Que? What is “Expo”?

RIGGLEMAN: An “Expo” is a thing of the past, my friend. I can’t thank you enough for the job you’re doing, Pudge. You’ve become quite a leader to these young men here.

RODRIGUEZ: Whatever. As long as I get paid. Trade me. I no care.

RIGGLEMAN: Haha…you’re too modest. I tell you, I’ve never been this proud of a baseball team in my entire life…

/loud banging on door

RIGGLEMAN: Holy heckfire, what’s that racket? Yeah, come in!

/door flies open

Sunday, June 26, 2011

As Close to Greatness as I'll Ever Get

That's me on the left, rocking the Higgy jersey. My friend Derek's on the right.

Wonderful ceremony today before the game. It was a great surprise to see that Lou Whitaker made it out after early reports said he wouldn't attend. And yeah, I misted up a bit during the tribute video. Must have been allergies or something. Amazing comeback late in the game started by a Don Kelly pinch-hit single and capped by Miguel Cabrera being awesome. They piled it on from there.  It was a day I'll never forget.

Thank you, Detroit, for a tremendous afternoon at the park.

And one final time, thank you Sparky...for just being Sparky. You were the best.

Saturday, June 25, 2011

Thank You, Sparky

Sparky Anderson went 2,194-1,834 managing for the Cincinnati Reds and Detroit Tigers. In that time, his teams won three World Series titles, including the, immortal-to-us, 1984 year in Detroit. He was the first manager in baseball history to win titles in both the AL and NL. He won the Manager of the Year twice and is sixth all-time in managerial wins. In 2000, he was enshrined into the Hall of Fame.

You probably knew all that. But Sparky Anderson was much more than numbers and stats. He was a man that had an intense love for both baseball and his family. And he was remarkable in his ability to keep them separated from each other, yet devote all his passion to them equally.

On the field, he was Sparky, the fireplug, quotable, loveable, white-haired leader that everyone could rally behind. He was the unquestioned leader that shaped the minds and careers of Tiger greats like Kirk Gibson, Alan Trammell, and countless others.

At home, he was George, a quiet man dedicated to his loved ones and his community. There, he was a proud husband and father that everyone loved even more than even those on the baseball diamond did.

In a world of declining role models, he was one of the finest I can think of.

Tomorrow, the Tigers finally retire Sparky’s number. It’s a shame they have waited so long to do so, but that’s another matter. No, tomorrow will be a special day for the tens of thousands who have loved and admired the man over the years. As a youngster, I worshipped Sparky and grew to do nothing but respect him more and more as I got older.

I’m going to be there in the crowd tomorrow to remember the man, say goodbye, and most importantly to me, say thank you once last time.

Bless you, Sparky. You were one of a kind.

Friday, June 24, 2011

Return of a Hero: Behind the Scenes

Friday night, Brandon Inge returned to the Tigers lineup, going 1 for 4 with a single and a strikeout. He raised his batting average to a lofty .212 while receiving applause for even the outs he made from the loving Detroit crowd. It’s amazing that he was even there, considering how serious mono is and how it can put a person on the sidelines for months. But not Brandon. Maybe he only had 24-hour mono.

But how did this all come about? How did he and Tiger GM David Dombrowski decide that he was ready to return to the team? I mean Danny Worth and Don Kelly, while not quite A-Rod over there, were doing fine in Inge’s absence. Well, fine for them, I guess.

Luckily, DNR has spies and connections everywhere. And I managed to get my hands on DD’s personal cell phone records and have a transcript of the texting that went on between him and Inge regarding Brandon’s return. I am happy to share this exclusive with all of you now.

Thursday, June 23, 2011

Tiger Product Endorsements, Part I.

I recently took my kid to the local movie rental place to get him a video game for the night. When I was there, I saw a big advertising piece for some baseball game and it had Justin Verlander on it. It’s not the one pictured above, but this was the only thing I could find online in the ten seconds I spent searching. But the point is, it got me thinking about how little I see the Tigers in national advertising.

I mean, in Miguel Cabrera and Justin Verlander, we have (at the very least) a top three talent as far as both a position player and a pitcher go. You’d think there’d be marketing opportunities out there on a national level for guys of their stature. Does it really hurt them that much that they aren’t members of the Yankees or Red Sox? The last Tiger I can remember doing national ads was Kirk Gibson for Right Guard back in the day. And I think he had to become a Dodger to get that.

I’m sure many of our guys have small deals with batting or fielding glove manufacturers. Probably some minor shoe deals, too. But I’m talking about the big picture. In 2008, Dallas quarterback Tony Romo signed a five year, $10 million endorsement deal with Starter. Starter? Really? I haven’t seen anyone wear Starter gear since 1995. Tiger Woods makes approximately a gazillion dollars from Nike every TEN MINUTES! Our guys need to get in on the action, I’m thinking.

That’s why I’m going to do my best to analyze the market and figure out what our guys could and should be endorsing for cash. This is the first installment of this and I’ll try to come up with two of them each time.

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Here's a Story...About a Man Named Brady

Hey, the Tigers won today! Magglio homered and gunned down a runner at the plate. Amazing what happens when you actually start him instead of one of your Clete-clones, huh, Jim? Austin Jackson made another amazing catch to save the game in the 9th. Al Alburquerque was outstanding in relief again. Don Kelly even hit a pinch-hit homer to prove that a blind squirrel is capable of finding a nut once in a while. Good game.

And that will be it for the Tigers portion of today’s post. No, the rest of this will deal with something personal. It will deal with some prick allegedly ripping off my work on his sports talk program. If this doesn’t interest you, then come back next time. We’ll get back to our originally scheduled programming of making fun of Detroit Tigers baseball and/or those that write about it poorly.

But for now, I want to speak on a man. A man named Brady.

Monday, June 20, 2011

Meanwhile...in Florida...

(Florida Marlins clubhouse, 11 am)
HANLEY RAMIREZ: Hey, amigo. Been a crazy week, huh?

OMAR INFANTE: Yup.

RAMIREZ: A month ago, we were great. Now, we suck.

INFANTE: Yup.

RAMIREZ: This new manager guy, Jack McKeon’s like 80 years old. Can you believe they gave him the job?

INFANTE: Nope.

RAMIREZ: I wonder what he’s like? Hope he doesn’t make us run or some crap like that.

/Handicapped restroom door flies open

Sunday, June 19, 2011

The 2011 DNR All-Star Ballot

I guess it’s time I weigh in on the MLB All-Star game that’s coming up next month. Yes, the All-Star game, where fans around the country vote on which of their favorite Yankee and Red Sox players they want to see playing against the National League. This is because most fans are stupid and have the IQ of a dead possum.

Now being that the ASG is an “exhibition”, I would normally not give a damn who starts. I mean no one cares about the Pro Bowl, the NBA all star game, or the NHL one, either. Why should baseball be any different nowadays? But then Bud Selig made the idiotic decision to award home field advantage in the World Series to the winner of the ASG. If that’s the case, why leave the starting players in the hands of people that haven’t heard of 90% of the people on the ballot? It’s not like ESPN is helping anyone out by only focusing on 3 or 4 teams in the league every day.

Since I pay as much attention to NL baseball as my cat pays attention to me when I call her name, I’ll just focus on the AL and list the top vote getters as of June 14th along with my choices and three runners up.

As always, Your Party Host will remain the most fair and balanced person alive. Trust me.

Saturday, June 18, 2011

DNR's Top Ten Favorite Baseball Movies

Today, I came across the trailer for the movie “Moneyball”, based on the book by Michael Lewis. And it looks awesome. Go here and check it out for yourself. I can’t wait until it comes out this fall.

But it got me thinking about all the baseball movies I’ve seen over the years. And since I’m always looking for something to babble about here, I thought I’d go through a top ten of my favorite baseball movies that I’ve watched.

Preface #1: I can only comment on movies that I’ve seen. So, and don’t kill me here, here’s a list of baseball flicks I haven’t seen yet. The Sandlot, The Bad News Bears (2005 version), The Fan, Fever Pitch, Mr. 3000, Pride of the Yankees, 61*, Eight Men Out, Bang the Drum Slowly, and Ken Burns’ 85 hour documentary on baseball. Sorry, I suck. Also there’s a movie with a monkey and Joey from “Friends”, I think there’s an “Air Bud” baseball movie, and there have to be others I’m forgetting. Deal.

Preface #2: Here’s a list of baseball movies that I’ve seen, but they didn’t make the cut. Angels in the Outfield, Bad News Bears in Breaking Training, Cobb, The Babe, Little Big League, Major League 3, and The Scout.

Preface #3: And there’s two I’ve seen, but they were when I was a kid and I really don’t remember them well. They are The Natural and Tiger Town. I didn’t feel comfortable ranking something that I really don’t remember.

Cool? Cool. We begin…

Thursday, June 16, 2011

Alex Avila Makes Me Eat Crow...and I Like It.

If you’ve been reading DesigNate Robertson for a while now, you may have noticed that this isn’t your normal Tigers blog/website. And I am not your normal blogger/columnist. Some of the differences between myself and the Hennings, Sharps, and others of the world include:

*They’re boring.
DNR is hysterical…at least to me.

*They often have agendas.
I do not, unless you count seeing, at first, Nate Robertson, and now Don Kelly shot out of a cannon, directly into a brick wall.

*They get paid, and paid well.
I do this for free because I enjoy it. (Somebody PLEASE pay me…)

*They have inside sources and unlimited access to the team.
I talked to Jamie Walker once.

*And most importantly, they never admit when they’re wrong.
I am happy to, though it RARELY happens.

And when it comes to Tigers catcher Alex Avila…boy was I wrong. Big time.

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Justin Verlander is the Baddest Man Alive

I’ve said this before. I’ll say it again. And I’ll keep saying it.

Justin Verlander is the best pitcher I’ve ever seen in a Tiger uniform. Please, people, appreciate this man and how lucky we are to have him pitching for us every five days. He is a machine.

Tuesday evening against the Indians, JV pitched a complete game shutout and took another no-hitter into the 8th inning before noted horrible human being Orlando Cabrera broke it up with a solid single. Overall, Verlander would allow two hits, walk one, hit one, and strike out twelve.

How good was he? ESPN has even taken a break from their mourning of Derek Jeter’s injury and babbling about LeBron James to talk about it. That is quite the accomplishment.

For the season, Justin is now 8-3 with a 2.66 ERA, 105 K’s, and a WHIP of 0.89.

In honor of JV’s latest awesome effort, I thought I’d share with you some cold, hard facts about the man that you may not have known already. Remember…I live to inform.

Know Thy Enemy: Cleveland Indians

For a series in mid-June, this is about as big as it can get.

The Tigers and Indians start a series on Tuesday to decide who’s going to end the week in first place. The Tribe’s coming off a narrow victory over the Yankees by a score of 1-0, injuring Derek Jeter in the process. I tip my hat to you for that, my racist logo having friends. Meanwhile the Tigers got the best kind of walkoff victory possible…a walkoff given up by the evil Kyle Farnsworth of Tampa Bay. Glorious wins for both teams.

With the exception of the Red Sox, the Tigers have been the hottest team in baseball lately. Meanwhile, the Indians have been struggling and have wasted their once big lead in the AL Central. As the Tribe enters the CoPa, it’s time that we examine exactly what the Indians will be bringing to the table since I missed them the first time around.

So…I give you the surprising Cleveland Indians of 2011.

Monday, June 13, 2011

Fun Promotional Ideas for the Detroit Tigers

For all the silly criticizing I do of the Tiger players, management, reporters, and fans, there’s one thing I rarely (if ever) give the team any crap over. And that would be the marketing the team does. There’s a good reason for that.

Between the recent “Who’s Your Tiger” and “Always a Tiger” campaigns, I think they’ve done a splendid job. And I’m not just saying that because I was lucky enough to meet one of the Tigers marketing people (who shall remain nameless for associating with scum like myself) at Saturday’s game. No, I like them because there’s something for everyone in those campaigns. Nostalgia, team loyalty, and friendly arguments over exactly who IS everyone’s favorite Tiger are all fun things for Detroit fans to banter about. I love that stuff and consider it better than any of the campaigns I’ve seen put out there by the other stupid teams in the league.

In addition, for any complaining I do about Comerica Park, the promotions run by the team there are usually well done, too. Things like the Negro Leagues weekend, the various events they do with the armed forces, and the cool “Shirt Off Our Back” night are all brilliantly done. I’ve got a bookshelf overflowing with giveaway items I’ve received at Tiger games and can’t wait until my kid has the attention span to sit through 9 innings at the CoPa so I can steal any items from him that they only give out to the 12 and under fanbase. Hey, until he can take his old man in a fight, he’s just gonna have to deal with it. Builds character, I say…

But for all the good they do, I think things could be better. And since part of my job the past ten years has been in marketing and coming up with promotions for the various sports bars I’ve been employed at, I thought today I’d share my brilliant suggestions for upcoming promotions the Tigers should consider. These ideas are SURE to pack the CoPa to the rafters and be the talk of Major League Baseball. I am the Bill Veeck of the Tiger blogosphere, I tell ya.

Here we go with six ideas the team should consider ASAP.

Friday, June 10, 2011

Defending Magglio Ordonez From Insane Ramblings at the Freep

I love this time of year. When it’s not raining, it’s beautiful out. The NHL and NBA Finals are going on. (Go Canucks and Mavs!) Baseball season is in full effect and pennant races are taking shape. And hey, the Tigers are in the middle of it! Most of all right now, my favorite player, Magglio Ordonez is coming back to the team on Monday. What could possibly ruin such a great time?

/knock on door

Who could that be? Excuse me…

Hello, Newman Samuelsen.

Jamie Samuelsen, after not annoying me for a while, has come back with a vengeance with a piece entitled "Magglio Ordonez will rejoin Tigers’ lineup, not that he should" over at the Freep site. When Jamie’s on his game, I agree with him more often than not, as of late. But when he’s off, there’s no one that can rile me up like he can. Kudos to you for that, sir.

So…let’s see what you got today.

The Final "I Hate Don Kelly" Post

Tigers Headquarters: Detroit, MI
DAVE DOMBROWSKI: Excellent. We’re only a game out of first place. Everything is working out perfectly. But we’re still not meeting our attendance needs to cover our costs. I can’t believe that report got out that we’re so over budget. This can’t be good for my contract extension talks. We NEED more people coming to the ballpark. I’ve already put out feelers that we need yet another lefty reliever on the team. Everyone loves lefty relievers. But I can’t do the rest on my own. Dammit, where is my slave? I can’t do this without his help!

/buzzer on desk goes off

RECEPTIONIST: Mr. Dombrowski, sir? Your guest has arrived. Shall I send him in?

DOMBROWSKI: Indeed. I’ve been expecting him.

/door gingerly opens

My Evening With Magglio

Pic via Toledo Blade

So I attended Thursday evening’s Mud Hens/Braves Triple-A game to get a look at Magglio Ordonez and how he’s coming along. Doesn't he look like Marvin the Martian in that oversized batting helmet? The Braves eventually won the most boring baseball game ever, 2-0, with Magglio going 0 for 4. I’ll get to the highlights in a moment, but first I should talk to you about the conversation I had with a guy today that happens to have Don Kelly’s phone number.

Yeah, you heard me.

Thursday, June 9, 2011

Twitter? Damn near killed her. Sigh.

I have caved into pressure and opened a Twitter account for DesigNate Robertson.  If you feel the need to mock me for this, I understand.  I just stared in the mirror for five minutes before spitting in my face.

Now, I'm just a caveman.  Your "Twitters" and whatnot frighten me.  But yeah, I'm there if you're interested.  I'll update enough to keep it interesting, I hope.  If I do it, I may as well have fun with it.  Granted, my brand of fun usually leads to hate mail and/or charges being pressed. 

I'll also update whenever there's a new silly post for all to read.  That would only make sense.  And I'm already apparently following Casper Wells.  But not Will Rhymes.  I'm no hypocrite.

Follow DNR on Twitter @DNR_Rogo.  Or just click here maybe.  As if you don't get enough bad Don Kelly jokes on here...

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Tiger Droppings: Hot as Hell Edition

“How about this weather, huh? It’s incredibly hot outside, but the bats of the Tigers lately have been even hotter!”

I just know someone has written this in the past couple days. I know it. And if I find someone using this lame, awful, clich├ęd attempt at “creativite writing”, I’m going to track them down and beat them to death with a crowbar in front of their family. Be original, people.

Sorry. I’m fussy today.

Lots of stuff going on. I haven’t done a “Tiger Droppings” thing in a while, so let’s touch a few bases today, so to speak. Today we’ll be discussing Ryan Raburn, Scott Sizemore, stupid Inge fans, Yahoo being terrible, the passing of yet another Tiger legend, the draft, and more.

Scattered thoughts of an unstable mind after the jump…

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

The Lonely Road of Nate

He was a pretty good pitcher once. Even his biggest critic would have to give him that. While he was never the biggest guy, the hardest thrower, the craftiest lefty, or even the smartest pitcher on the team, he got the job done. He had a fine ERA on a team that made the World Series. They wouldn’t have gotten there without him, though few remember that. With his silly glasses and his ever-changing facial hair, the guy was always entertaining. No doubt about that. Those were the good old days.

But today, not so much. Those days are long gone, and so seems to be the talent he once possessed. The world that was once in the palm of his hand has been replaced by an ice pack that he has to keep pressed on his always-aching elbow. And he doesn’t need to do this anymore, you know. I mean, when you’ve made over $25 million before hitting your mid-30’s, you can do pretty much anything you want. Travel the world. Buy a boat, sail the seas and fish every day. Maybe just enjoy life and raise a family. So why do this?

Why, when the majority of your chosen profession thinks you don’t have it anymore, would you lower yourself to performing in front of crowds a tenth of the size you used to? I mean, the guy was a Tiger. He was twice a Marlin. He was even a Phillie for a week. But an Iron Pig? A Redbird? And now a Rainier? What the heck’s a Rainier, anyway?

It’s a little less than 1900 miles from Wichita, Kansas to Tacoma, Washington. Now, 1900 miles might not seem like that long a trip. You could drive it in two days, easily. But when it takes twelve years to make said trip, you need to consider the roads taken in between.

Nate Robertson has seen a lot of roads over the years.

Monday, June 6, 2011

Lynn Henning is the Father of Lies

Lynn Henning has outdone himself this time. I mean, come on. When I see a headline that says “Don Kelly fills in nicely for Brandon Inge at third”, I…I…I don’t know what to think.

Is it because Inge had been so dreadful at the plate this year that Kelly is a nice replacement because he’s bad, too? Does it mean that Brandon’s defensive skills have diminished so much that Kelly is now his equal?

I mean, Lynn, you can’t POSSIBLY be saying you think Don’s a good player that’s worthy of starting, can you? I mean, really…you watch Tiger games, right?

Apparently not.

Saturday, June 4, 2011

Top Detroit Tigers of All Time by OPS+

For those of you that aren’t into sabermetrics , OPS+ might not mean much to you. And while not a huge “saber nerd” myself, OPS+ is one of my favorite stats to look at for players. Obviously, the higher the number, the better.

Now, OPS represents a player’s on base percentage plus their slugging percentage. You add that little plus on to the end, though, and the stat is defined as OPS adjusted for the park and the league in which the player played, but not for fielding position. An OPS+ of 100 is defined to be the league average. An OPS+ of 150 or more is excellent and 125 very good, while an OPS+ of 75 or below is poor.

For example, coming into today’s game, Miguel Cabrera’s OPS+ so far this year is 180. He’s awesome. Jhonny Peralta, Alex Avila, and Victor Martinez are currently at 156, 138, and 136. Sweet. Brennan Boesch is close to average at 95. Ryan Raburn’s OPS+ of 56 is dreadful. Simple, right?

Through 2010, baseball’s all time leader in OPS+ is Babe Ruth at 206. Ted Williams is next at 190. The rest of the top ten is Barry Bonds, Lou Gehrig, Rogers Hornsby, Mickey Mantle, Albert Pujols, Dan Brouthers, Joe Jackson, Ty Cobb, and Jimmie Foxx. The all fall between 181 and 163.

The point of all this, is that I thought I’d dig around and compile the best lifetime OPS+ of players during their seasons in a Tiger uniform. I put the limit at guys with at least 500 games played in the D to eliminate any possible one or two year wonders. Otherwise, Champ Summers would be #6 on this list at 143 (no disrespect to Champ). Mainly, I kinda wanted to see how top players from the years I’ve watched baseball like Trammell, Fielder, and Cabrera would stack up to the legends we hear about all the time like Cobb, Greenberg, and Kaline.

So, here’s the Top 50 (or so) in order.

Friday, June 3, 2011

Dombrowski and Leyland: Not Deserving of Criticism?

Preface #1: Brandon Inge is on the DL with mono. I admit, I had quite the laugh at this one. Ya know, I thought I had mono once. Turns out, I was just really bored.

/party on, Wayne

Preface #2: I pick on sports journalism quit a bit here at DNR. But I rarely praise something that I enjoy. Here is a link to a piece recently done on one of my heroes, the late, great George “Sparky” Anderson by an old friend of his, Steve Henson. It is definitely worth your time to read.

Okay. When I see a headline like “Dave Dombrowski, Jim Leyland deserve credit as Detroit Tigers hang in AL Central race”, I just know I’m going to be giving it the FJM treatment before I even start reading it. And David Mayo of The Grand Rapids Press, via mLive, did not disappoint me.

Thursday, June 2, 2011

Know Thy Enemy: Chicago White Sox

Dig it out, Danks.  No one's watching.

Our bipolar Detroit Tigers currently sit at 29-26, 5 games behind the racist-logo’d Cleveland Indians. Considering that Magglio Ordonez, Ryan Raburn, Brandon Inge, most of the bullpen, and the musical chairs situation at second base have all been useless this year, it’s a miracle we’re this close. If you add in Jim Leyland’s wacky lineups drawn out Lloyd McClendon’s hat, it becomes even more mind-boggling.

Up next on the schedule is the team that many, including Your Party Host, figured would win the AL Central this year, the Chicago White Sox. And look out, they’re only 3 ½ games behind us now, thanks to some improved play lately.

Let’s check them out. And make lame jokes at their expense, naturally.

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

A High Voltage Metaphor-Filled Effort from Lynn Henning

I don’t envy Lynn Henning. Trying to come up with a different Tigers article on a near-daily basis is, no doubt, not an easy task. Especially when you’re in the GM’s back pocket and aren’t allowed to criticize him in any way. It has to become mundane after a while. I mean, that’s why I stick to my usual poop jokes and stupidity at this blog. Being in the legit media must be awful. I’d eventually start hating baseball like TJ Simers does if I had Lynn's job.

And that’s why I can forgive this piece Henning did on Al Alburquerque for the News. I mean, the entire article could have been written in the following sentence: “Alburquerque came into the season as an unknown and has been very good despite his occasional wildness.” That’s it. But he stretches it out over an entire column. And, quite frankly, I needed something to make fun of today, thus you get this.

Before I get into it, though, I should warn you. Like Lynn’s article, this probably won’t be my best work. Having a drink to celebrate one of my co-worker’s birthday last night turned into a pint of Boddingtons, six jumbo margaritas, a shot of Rumplemintz, and a double Bacardi and Coke over 4 1/2 hours. (No, I didn’t drive.) Thus, I feel like I was hit by a train today and my writing will probably reflect it. I keep forgetting I'm not 21 anymore.

Then again, it’s not like you’re all used to reading Hemingway at DNR anyway…