Monday, May 30, 2011

Is Trader Dave Any Good at Making Trades?

David Dombrowski has been doing this for a long time, you know. From 1988-1991, he was GM of the Montreal Expos. He followed that up being the GM of the Florida Marlins from 1993-2001, winning a World Series along the way. And of course, he’s been the GM of the Tigers from 2002-now. I thought I’d take a look at Dave’s trading history over the years and see how they’ve turned out.

Now, I’m not going to cover EVERY trade. That would take forever, first of all, as Dave has done dozens and dozens of deals over the years. And secondly, does anyone really want my dumb ass trying to analyze the epic Jeff Reed/Herm Winningham/Randy St. Claire for Tracy Jones/Pat Pacillo trade of 1988?

I didn’t think so. But I will go in chronological order through Dave’s career covering any big names he’s been involved in trades with. Let’s take a trip down memory lane, shall we?

Sunday, May 29, 2011

Multiple Reactions on the Sizemore/Purcey Deal

After letting myself calm down for a while, I still don’t like the trade of Scott Sizemore to Oakland for David Purcey. I’m sure you all have your opinions, too. Perhaps the best reaction I’ve seen has come from Big Al over at BYB. Great stuff there. But we still haven’t heard from so many of the famous great minds out there. Who has the grapefruits to pick the brains of these geniuses?

/points at self

This guy, bitches. DNR has gone to the experts for their opinion. Did Dave Dombrowski do well in this deal? Will David Purcey drop his career ERA under 5.00 as a Tiger? Has Will Rhymes stopped sobbing into his tiny hands after the promotion of Danny Worth? Will Ryan Raburn still wear an iron skillet on his left hand while playing second base? Has ANYONE thought of the children?

Just follow after the jump for weak attempts at humor.

Friday, May 27, 2011

Size Apparently Doesn't Matter in Detroit

So, yeah, the Tigers traded starting second baseman Scott Sizemore to the Oakland A’s for left-handed reliever David Purcey. Danny Worth has been called up from Toledo to replace him. No word has been given yet on which pitcher will be sent down for Purcey.

How fitting that this deal was made on Polish-American night at Comerica Park. Insert your dumb Polack joke here about Dombrowski.

I hate this deal.

Scott Sizemore Traded for Awful Lefty Reliever

I'm in shock.  My friend that's a die-hard Jays fan is mocking me repeatedly via text messaging.

Details here at BYB.

Hate to come later this evening.

I'm done with Dave Dombrowski.

Thursday, May 26, 2011

Andy Dirks Looks Familiar To Me

It’s been a rough day. First, the Tigers lost to the Wes Welkah Nation Sawx 56-1. Then, I came home to find my apartment flooded, items including my bed ruined, and my landlord not caring much. I took all my wet clothing to a laundromat, only to be approached by a lowlife trying the old “need cash for gas” scam on me. Not a good day for that, dude. He looked kinda like Craig Monroe, actually. He might have BEEN Craig Monroe for all I know. But, I digress…

I then come online to try and forget about how much the Baby Jesus hates Your Party Host for a while, and am immediately annoyed by the amount of praise I keep seeing thrown at the feet of new Tiger outfielder, Andy Dirks. Really, people? Really?

Is it his .227 batting average? His .292 OBP? Perhaps his below league average OPS+ of 94. Is it how he pulled a Forrest Gump on his fly-out the other night? Oh, I know. He’s dived after a couple balls. He hustles.  No one does that. He's so…I dunno…SCRAPPY.

Doesn’t Andy Dirks look a bit familiar to you all? I’m pretty sure I’ve seen this mediocre act before.

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

The 2011 Detroit Tigers Drinking Game

Everyone’s heard of the “Rod Allen Drinking Game”, right? If not, please click this link to an updated version put together last year by the good folks at Detroit4Lyfe. I honestly cannot read through it without laughing, even through I’ve been over it a dozen times or so.

But I got to thinking recently, why stop there? This entire Tigers team could supply us with a fun drinking game, too, couldn’t they? Granted, we may not get alcohol poisoning as quickly as we do with Rod, but it’s still worth a shot.

So I give you now my version of the 2011 Detroit Tigers Drinking Game. I’m presenting these as 15 one drink, two drinks, or three drinks scenarios. If you are an “advanced” drinker, I salute you, and feel free to increase these to one, three, and five. And as a tribute to Rod Allen, I’ll include one Rod-ism in each category. Enjoy, and don’t drink and drive. We’ve had enough of that in Detroit.

Know Thy Enemy: Tampa Bay Rays

How about that Charlie Furbush? After Phil Coke got an ankle owie in Monday’s game, 70’sbush was thrust (eww) into his MLB debut with two on and one out. He struck out both batters to get out of the inning and kept the Rays at bay with another three scoreless innings after that. The kid got the win in his first professional game. I may be in love.

While we’re talking about Charlie, I spent much of the game trying to think of who he reminded me of in appearance. Here…take a look at him.
Adorable. At first, I thought it was Andrew Miller, one of the guys we sent to Florida in the Miguel Cabrera trade. That wasn’t quite right, though. It wasn’t until after the game when I received a text from a friend that I realized who Furbush resembled.
That’s right. Andy from “Toy Story”. Thanks, Shannon. By the way, if the brilliant Sam from Roar of the Tigers reads this, I think a Furbush Toy Story “Terrible Cartoon” would be amazing. Or I could be wrong. It happens almost constantly…

Anyhoo, the offense was dormant again until the 8th where the Tiger hitters came out of hibernation for a moment to score enough to get their second straight victory. That puts a game over .500 again, so expect us to drop our next four games.

Jose Valverde looked like hell in the 9th, which is kind of scary. He’s perfect in save opportunities still this year, but when it’s not a save situation, Papa Grande looks more like Papa Rodney.

So yeah, we’re playing the Rays. Here’s a bit on them.

Sunday, May 22, 2011

Magglio: How Quickly They Forget

“Rogo…why are you so angry all the time?”

I get that question a lot. And it’s an easy answer. Because I hate everyone.

Saturday at work, I made the mistake of being spotted by one of the regulars at the bar. He calls out to me and busts my balls over the Boston/Detroit series because he’s a loudmouth, lowlife, cousin-banging Red Sox fan. We joke back and forth, trade insults, I insinuate that his mother is a prostitute (or something classy like that), and I get ready to go back to my most common activity at work: sitting in the office with my head in my hands wondering where I went wrong with life.

And just then, the guy next to him, who I have never seen before, decides to speak up. And I had to fight the urge to stab him in the neck with a steak knife.

Friday, May 20, 2011

Who Can Save Us From the Rapture???

WARNING: Skip this one if you are easily offended. It's called a joke. Thanks.
---------------------------------------------------------------
GOD: Oh, I have such a busy, busy day ahead of Me. Been planning this for a LONG time. It’s not every day that the apocalypse happens, right? And it’s sad that so few are taking this seriously. I mean, Mr. Camping has given them plenty of notice. Since when has a man of God used My name in falsehoods to inspire fear in others? It’s crazy. Now, let’s make sure My checklist is complete so I don’t forget anything I’ve got planned. Okay…gigantic earthquake for China around 6pm? Check. Massive plague for Europe? Check. So much for that royal wedding. Famine for North America? Definitely…those people are too fat, anyway. Check that one off. Hmmm…what else? War breaking out in the Middle East? Check. They’re used to that. Oh, I can’t wait until this is all over.

/loud crash

GOD: What in the name of Me is that?

/Heavenly Gates fly open

Don't Judge Justin Verlander Based on His Ring Finger

After watching the Tigers be awful and waste another gem of a pitching performance by Justin Verlander tonight (despite giving up two homers), I need to focus my hatred somewhere. Thank goodness for the internet, because there’s always something out there I can find that will piss me off.

After deciding to see what the yahoos at Yahoo have been up to (see what I did there?), I came across this piece on Verlander by D. Benjamin Satkowiak, who was nice and brave enough to respond here the last time I took him to task. The other day, he wrote a decent enough piece on Verlander, this time asking where JV ranks among the great Tiger pitchers. He brings up the names of Jack Morris, Mickey Lolich, Hal Newhouser, and Denny McClain. Fair enough.


Now Morris is the only of the four that I’ve obviously seen, myself being only 34 years old, but JV is better than Jack ever was. I have no doubt of that, despite my great respect for Jack Morris. But if you want to argue for Jack or any of the other three, I’m sure you could make a convincing argument that I would respect. You might even be able to convince me. Heck, I might be able to convince me if I wasn’t too tired/drunk to look up some stats right now. And to his credit, the author did give a nice, quick history on each of the four pitchers he brought up.

But then, he presented the ONE argument that makes me want to burn down a middle school in anger.

Undoubtedly, these men have all earned their place in Tigers history. What do they all have in common that Justin does not? The ring. As great as he is, until he collects the World Series championship, I don't see how he can be perched at the top of Mount Tiger with the likes of Morris, Newhouser, Lolich and McLain.

/urge to kill rising

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Know Thy Enemy: Boston Red Sox

Kurt from Bless You Boys is reporting that Andy Oliver and Charlie Furbush will be joining the team within a week and Phil Coke will be moved to the struggling bullpen. Oliver will take his place in the rotation. With the lefty 70’sbush coming up, it only makes sense that Brad Thomas or Daniel Schlereth goes to Toledo or the unemployment line, hopefully, in Thomas’ case.

This move takes balls and I’m surprised to see it happening so soon. It says to me that the team sees that the Central Division is there for the taking and they’re not going to wait around anymore like they seemed to do the first month of the season. Also, Dave Dombrowski and/or Jim Leyland look to be realizing that their asses are on the line this year and they just can’t stay pat. I’m intrigued.

Kudos to Kurt for out-scooping the News, Freep, and everyone else on this story. Knowing him, he wouldn’t have gone public with this if it weren’t true. I can only assume that his source is Will Rhymes. They’re tight, I believe.

And now, on to the Know Thy Enemy that I’ve been waiting for. In fact, this is the team that I had in mind when I started this dumb little series on DNR. Yes, we’re off to Fenway for a two-game series with the Bawston Danny Woodhead Nation Teddy Ballgame Red Sawx. Caution: I am probably going to curse a LOT in this one. Seriously. You have been warned.  Good gawd, I hate the Red Sox...

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Lost in Comerica Park

One of my favorite TV shows of all time was “Lost”. Jack, the main character of the show, had a tattoo on his shoulder of four Chinese characters that translated to “He walks amongst us, but he is not one of us.” That’s kind of how I felt at the Tigers/Blue Jays game yesterday at Comerica Park.

The older I get, the more I find myself not enjoying the game as much when I’m there in person. I mean, when I was a kid, there was nothing better than taking a trip to Tiger Stadium to see my heroes play. It was awesome to Your Young Party Host to see Alan Trammell, Kirk Gibson, Chet Lemon, Jack Morris, and the rest up close.

As I got older, it was still great to see Dean Palmer, Bobby Higginson, Dmitri Young, and the assorted terrible characters of the 90’s and early 00’s Tiger teams, too, whether it be at the old park or at Comerica. And to be there during the ’06 playoffs and be in the middle of the mob scene when Magglio sent us to the World Series…it was magical.

But now, things are different. In the past couple years, my enjoyment at the games isn’t near what it used to be. I mean, I used to make it out to 8-12 games per season on average. But the last couple years, I’m down to 3 or 4. Maybe it’s me getting older. Maybe writing this blog is hurting my ability to enjoy the game as a fan. Maybe I’m just a miserable prick who hates everything like the old man yelling at kids to get off his lawn. But here’s a group of things that bother me about a day at the park in 2011. See if you get where I’m coming from.

Know Thy Enemy: Toronto Blue Jays

I’ve let you all down. I’m sorry.

You see, I made my first trip to the CoPa this year and attended Monday’s loss to the Blue Jays. As Jhonny Peralta’s home run made it a two-run game in the bottom of the 9th and all eyes in the stadium focused on Brandon Inge striding to the plate with a runner on first and a chance to tie it, I saw him.

Instead of the day's starter at second base, Ramon Santiago, striding to the on deck circle, future Manager of the Year Don Kelly was walking out there to pinch hit. No one else was paying attention, but I was yelling from my seat 20 rows behind the Tiger dugout, “Did Sizemore die? Get Kelly out of there!” Sadly, no one listened to me, and to the surprise of no one other than Jim Leyland, Kelly flied out to end the game.

I could have stopped it, though. Kelly was only 30 feet or so away from me. I could’ve hopped the railing, snapped his neck like in a war movie, and Sizemore would have come up and given us at least a chance. But no, I made a promise to my family to not get arrested anymore. It might have been worth it, though. I dunno…

Sometimes I with I didn’t care so much. Sigh. A day late, here’s your weak attempt at a Blue Jays preview.

Sunday, May 15, 2011

Who Wants to See My Head Explode?

Last week at Bless You Boys, Kurt posted that Steve Kornacki was leaving the Detroit Tigers beat and his job as the featured MLive reporter to move to Florida. Not really knowing Steve or his work, I clicked over to his farewell post and thought it was a great reflection piece on things and people he has covered over the years. I could only dream of seeing the things he’s witnessed over time and meeting some of the all-time Tiger greats while getting PAID for it! Talk about your dream job.

Sure he appears to have affection for players I don’t care for, but Steve seems to be a nice man and I’m sure that Brandon Inge and Don Kelly really are sweet guys in person, despite being so irritatingly horrible 90% of the time on the baseball field.

What I didn’t notice until my most recent trip over to the MLive site, is that 21 minutes after Steve’s farewell piece, he had another article of his posted there. That’s odd, I thought. Then I read the title. It’s called “Detroit Tigers’ Utility Man Don Kelly is a Manager in the Making”.

/cracks knuckles

//pops neck

///licks lips

I swear, it’s almost as if Detroit Tigers writers WANT to make my head explode.

Steve, consider this your farewell present.

Friday, May 13, 2011

The Secret Manager Search: Volume 4

Detroit Tigers Headquarters, Detroit, MI
DAVE DOMBROWSKI: Thanks for meeting me on such short notice, sir. I’m glad you could join me for this managerial interview.
MIKE ILITCH: Sure thing, Daniel.

DOMBROWSKI: It’s “Dave”, sir.

ILITCH: Huh? Right. Why are we continuing these secret meetings with potential managers, anyway? I’m a very busy man, as you know, and the team is doing better, I’m told. The pool boy mentioned to my darling Marion that we’ve been winning lately. That’s wonderful. Are we in the World Series yet?

DOMBROWSKI: No, but yes, sir. We have been winning. But you haven’t committed to me or Jim Leyland beyond this season and I just wanted you to know that I refuse to be satisfied with not being the best. In case things fall apart again, we MUST be prepared…

ILITCH: That’s quite enough, Don. No one likes a kiss ass. Wait…yes I do.

DOMBROWSKI: It’s Dave, sir. But still, our candidate should be here any second. I can’t wait to meet her.

ILITCH: Wait…”her”? A woman? Great Little Caesar’s Ghost, Dan, they can’t even vote and you want one managing the Tigers?

DOMBROWSKI: Actually, sir, women have been able to vote since 1920 or so. The 19th Amendment was created…

ILITCH: I’m hungry.

DOMBROWSKI: This shouldn’t take long sir. This woman has come highly recommended by the network our games are shown on. They are big fans of her work.

ILITCH: If you say so. Now where is she? I have lives to ruin, you know.

/thump heard at door

SECRETARY’S VOICE: You have to pull, honey, not push. That’s why it says pull on the door. Is your head okay? There you go, sweetie.

/door flies open

Sort of Defending Interleague Play

I came across this piece over at the Yahoo Tiger page. It’s written by a Tiger fan that doesn’t like interleague games because the Tigers lack an interleague rival. Now I know that many folks, mainly the so-called “purists”, don’t like AL/NL matchups during the regular season for many reasons I don’t necessarily agree with, but I can understand. It cheapens the playoffs. It’s an unbalanced, unfair schedule for some teams. AL pitchers, not used to hitting, may get hurt. That’s fine. But not liking it because you don’t think your team has an out-of-league rival? That’s just silly to me.

Before I get into this, personally I really don’t mind interleague. I could really care less one way or another if we play NL teams during the year or not. I guess I like it since we get the chance to see teams/ballparks/players that we’re not used to seeing play the Tigers. But I’m not going to get all uppity about the idea one way or another.

I’m not Bob Costas. Or this guy…

Site News: Blogger Blew Up Yesterday

Real quick, apparently someone at Google/Blogger did something horrible in an update the other day and nobody that uses said service for their blogs has been able to access them for around 24 hours.  In addition, any blog pieces and comments that were put up after Wednesday morning had to be deleted for some reason.  I/we weren't given any warning to any of this until it was too late and it's pretty annoying.

The last post on the interleague article will be back up later this evening.  I managed to make a copy of it, and the 12 or so comments left after it, just before Blogger wiped it all away.  It's all saved on my laptop at home and I'll restore it when I get off work today.  (EDIT:  Blogger finally put it back up themselves.  Yay.) This is the first major problem I've had with Blogger in the 3 years or whatever that I've been doing this, so I'm not going to be a big crybaby like many are doing right now.

However, Blogger did rob YOU, the viewing audience, of my latest piece of brilliance I had put together for yesterday.  I laughed out loud twice while writing it, so that means I'm guaranteed some hate mail.  But now, I'm going to have to wait to post it until next week because no one reads my bullshit on the weekends. (EDIT #2: I changed my mind.)

So, Google/Blogger (if that is your REAL name), I forgive you this time.  But if it happens again...everybody dies.

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Random Numbers on the 2011 Season

Last week, I watched Brennan Boesch smoke a pitch off of a left hander and thought to myself, “This kid doesn’t seem to be bothered by lefties. Why doesn’t Leyland let him start against them?”

Obviously, the answer is because Jim Leyland is “old school” with his thoughts about lefty-lefty matchups and/or a friggin’ moron, depending on your personal opinion. I meant to look up Boesch’s numbers against southpaws, but ended up forgetting about it. You see, I have the attention span of a coked up infant and something distracting probably happened like my cat yawning or Lauren the FSD girl coming on the TV.

Scott Warheit at Mlive must have noticed Boesch's success, though, and put up this piece on the subject. This year, BB is hitting .393 with a homer and 7 RBI against lefties in his 28 at bats. Against righties, he’s faced them 84 times with a .274 mark, one homer, and 9 RBI. Small sample size, sure, but last year the kid hit .337 against lefties and only .233 against righties. Why not give him a shot more often? Higgy knows, we need the offense.

Well, this all led me to spend some time checking out more numbers concerning the Tigers on the young season. These are the ones that caught my attention. Keep in mind, I’m just your friendly neighborhood wiseass and not a sabermetrics genius like Lee at Tiger Tales. Still though, these numbers interested me.

Monday, May 9, 2011

Know Thy Enemy: Minnesota Twins

Well, that Toronto series was fun. We’ve made it back to .500. JV got his second no-no. AJax remembered how to hit. Brad Penny looked like a guy we can count on. Octovio Dotel plunked Don Kelly and knocked him out of a game. The only really bad day was my birthday on Friday where Inge K’d three times and made an error, Kelly had another diving fail in the outfield, and Brad Thomas entered the game. I think they did all of that on purpose to ruin my special day. Pricks. Luckily alcohol was there to help me not feel feelings anymore.

But forget all that. We’re about to have our first series with those jerks who win our division every year (or at least 6 of the last 9), the Minnesota Twins. This year, the Twins are struggling. Poor things. I hope they never win a game again.

The Unspeakable Perils of Being a Tiger Wife

The puff piece is sports writing at its worst.

I hate puff pieces. Some of you may enjoy them. If so, I suggest moving along. They are ridiculous to me. Unnecessary. They make my head hurt and the crazy voices start. Rick Reilly has made a ton of cash off of them since selling his soul to the devil.

And I found this one at the Detroit News site. It was Mother’s Day on Sunday, and to all the moms out there, I hope you had a wonderful day. Your job is a difficult and extremely important one that goes underappreciated in our society. But this article…good gawd. News writer Rod Beard should be kicked in the throat over this junk.

Saturday, May 7, 2011

JV Tosses 2nd Career No-Hitter: Bow To His Greatness

Amazing.  Sir, I am in awe.  We are not worthy.

Congratulations to Justin Verlander...the greatest pitcher I've ever seen in a Tiger uniform.

...nothing more to say.

Friday, May 6, 2011

The DNR Current Top 40

I haven’t done one of these lists since around Christmas, so what the hell? Since mentally I’m similar to a 9 year old, my opinion on many of the Tigers changes constantly. So every few months, I’ll go through the 40 man roster and rank the players in the order in which I like them. Whatever kills the time, no?

And everyone loves stupid lists, right? Here’s where I am with this team as of today along with where they finished the last time I did one of these. Keep in mind, these are ONLY my personal preferences. There isn’t much rhyme or reason to any of it.

Thursday, May 5, 2011

Get Off Magglio's Back

After a little over 80 plate appearances, everyone wanted to bail on Magglio Ordonez. Bench him. Put him on the DL. Shoot him in the head while he pets a rabbit. But what about the nearly 7000 appearances he had before that? Or even in just his time as a Tiger where he’s hit for a .315 average and an OPS+ of 126…do you think that just magically goes away overnight?  Is this a guy you really want to take a dump on?

After coming back from a broken ankle and having only an abbreviated spring, is it any surprise that Magglio would struggle early in 2011? I know it didn’t surprise me. And yes, he looks older. He looks like he’s in pain. But with a 15 year veteran possessing a lifetime batting average over .300, you give him the benefit of the doubt. You don’t call for his head after 80 stinking at bats.

Do I think he should have been hitting third this whole time? Hell no, I don’t. I wanted him dropped to sixth or seventh two weeks ago when it was obvious that he wasn’t ready. Much like the Rhymes/Sizemore situation, the Tigers are always two weeks behind my thought process. I am after all, a bloody genius.

Jamie Samuelsen, however, is a moron. A couple days ago, he completely bailed on Ordonez. The following is some of that.

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Scotty Size Matters

Well, finally, Your Party Host is back. It took a while, but I’m settled, moved in, and cable/internet access has been restored. We have a lot to cover over the next week or so to catch up, but I have to start here.

I’ve been begging for Scott Sizemore to be called up ever since the team stupidly gave the second base job to Will Rhymes out of spring training. BEGGING. It took them a month, but finally, they pulled the trigger. All Size did in his first game was basically beat the Yankees by himself. Rogo: 1, Everyone Else: 0. Ha.

Now, I haven’t been to the freep site in two weeks and within two minutes, I’m yelling at my computer again. It’s one of their famous horrible Reader Columns, and this one is whining about Rhymes being sent down for Sizemore. Here’s the link.

My reaction…after the jump.