Monday, November 28, 2011

Aborted DNR Post Ideas

I’ll be the first to admit that I’ve written a lot of brilliant questionable/silly/stupid material the past couple years on this site. But it’s not like I’ve gone with EVERY idiotic idea that’s entered my peanut-sized brain. No, many an idea has been tossed into the scrap heap for the better of mankind, no matter how bad my writer’s block gets at times.

The following is a list of such ideas that are probably better off not being fully realized.



-Some sort of game show hosted by Jeremy Bonderman. “IS THAT BE YOUR FINAL ANSWERING?”

-A Devil’s Advocate series trying to see the logic in Jim Leyland’s lineup making. A good idea in theory, but I couldn’t come up with anything to defend him.

-Will Rhymes becoming a religious zealot spreading the word on a new faith based on the teachings of David Eckstein.

-The 20 best Tiger middle relievers of the past 20 years. You might be interested to know that zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz…

-Great things written by Mitch Album. Couldn’t come up with any. Good gawd, I despise that man.

-25 intriguing questions with the artist known as @PhilCokesBrain. Could be fun, but I’m already sick of people accusing me of being him. Yes…I know. It’s completely UNIMAGINABLE that there are TWO Tiger fans with a sense of humor. Morons. SHOW YOUR FACE, @PHIL! What are you hiding?!? Are you really Lynn Henning? Randy Smith???  (By the way, be sure to check out his new blog, Brain Matters, at this link. Great stuff.)

-A skit where Fu-Te Ni somehow comes to the conclusion that people of the Jewish faith are what is keeping him in the minors. Our hero would then go on to join a group of Nazis and scream “Heirr Hitrell” until the Upstate Baller arrives from Seattle to show him the error of his ways by convincing him that Nazis don’t get much play with the ladies. A real tear-jerker, as I imagine it…

-Deleted Scenes: Gary Sheffield, unable to find a job, tries to join up Jay and Silent Bob in “Mallrats”. The stoner duo is reluctant to let him be a part of their posse when he keeps scaring their “customers” away.

-A piece criticizing Bless You Boys for having 20 writers and no one ever writing anything new there, other than Kurt complaining about trade rumors occasionally. Thank goodness they added TigerDog…otherwise the last post would be the one reporting on the team being eliminated from the ALCS. IAN USED TO AT LEAST WISH US A HAPPY THANKSGIVING, KURT. Ruined my Turkey Day, it did. I would never do this, however, since I’m not the kind of guy that bites the hand that occasionally feeds me. Oh…oops.

-“The Bachelor” starring Rick Porcello. Too easy…then again, I’ve never seen “The Bachelor”. It would just be my warped version of what I assume it to be. With porn.

-10 Most Interesting Tweets of the Week from your favorite Tiger sources. This could actually be interesting, but then I remembered that I’m way too lazy busy for something like that.

-“Pissing off SB Nation”. In this monthly series, I would randomly pick a SB Nation blog to go to war with over something completely stupid. Considering that I’m already hated by the Angels and Indians blogs there, I already have a decent head start.

/adds BYB to that list

-Various off topic articles where I complain about how much everything annoys me. But I don’t want to come off as being a cranky, old man already. Well, not any more than I already do.

-Catfight: What would be a better third base coach? Gene Lamont? Or an Inanimate Carbon Rod?
-An in depth psychiatric profile of the average mLive commenter. “Traid Rayburn an CRINGE 4 David Right plz DUMbrowski.” Sigh…I weep for our future as a society.

-Different ways I thought of killing myself after Game 163.

-A “Twilight” ripoff starring Porcello as the vampire and Alex Avila as the werewolf. I decided against it after conceding that I’m no expert on the age-old teen girl struggle between choosing necrophilia or beastiality.

-A piece on why the Tigers should replace Lloyd McClendon as hitting coach with Bobby Higginson. And then activate him, making him possibly baseball’s first player/hitting coach. Eat me, he’d be better on defense than Young, Raburn, or Boesch.

-Speaking of Boesch…”Brennan or ?”. This would be comparing BB to random things and asking the question of “Which smells worse?” I know many of you, especially the ladies, are into Boesch. But he looks to me like his last shower was in 1999.

-“Penny Hunting”. Skits where Brad Penny takes random teammates hunting. Sadly, I already have too many stereotype redneck characters on here (Clete, Raburn, etc). Although the mental image of Don Kelly getting caught in a bear trap never ceases to make me giggle like a moron.

So, yeah. It’s a good thing that I’ve been blessed with a filter after all. This stupid blog is bad enough as it is.

9 comments:

Kurt Mensching said...

Hey, if a player review of Brad Penny was next on your list of things to do you'd find other things to do, too! 

Phil Coke's Brain said...

Thanks for the plug Rogo.  Also, your rejected topics are better than my real topics. *shrug*

Kurt Mensching said...

Oh, and Happy Nov. 28th Day! 

H2OPoloPunk said...

I wish more of these had come to fruition. This may be the first time you've ever heard this, but: "you need less inhibition."

Oldenglishd said...

I have the perfect post concept for you:  write a piece extolling the virtues of a fellow blogger who once talked you out of quitting, and is pretty, smart and young.  That should get you started...

SRogo said...

I know I sometimes write fiction with massive exaggerations, but that would just be ridiculous.

H2OPoloPunk said...

Is this HandsomeRob's alt posting?!

Ndirsishrock said...

i'm laughing on the inside...

Pawsdeep said...

I'm fairly convinced I could give you a run for your money on the "ways to kill myself after game 163"

I seriously think I could have you beat....