Saturday, September 3, 2011

How Much Do I Hate the ChiSox and Indians?

I admit that Friday’s victory was extra fun for yours truly.  Why was that?  Was it JV’s 21st win?  The joy of the Delmon Young trade looking better and better with his RBI triple?  The continued redemption of Jhonny Peralta with his bases loaded double?  Sure that stuff was sweet…but it’s more than that.

Quite simply, it’s because it was against the White Sox.  I HATE those bastards. 

It’s true I have it out for them because they and Cleveland are our only remaining obstacles for making the playoffs, but there’s more to it than that.  Quite simply, with the probable exception of the Evil Empire of the Yankees, there are no two teams in baseball that I hate more than the White Sox and Tribe.  It goes back years.  And we’re in a current six game stretch with those loathed piles of monkey semen.  One down and five to go.  I want to win each of these games by 5 runs or more.  And I want all of their players to suffer painful testicle injuries along the way.  That’s not so wrong, is it?

How much do I hate them?  How can I make my disgust with the ChiSox and Racist Logos more clear?  Hmmm.  Well, let us try this.  The following is a partial list of things I despise in life.  And as much as I hate them with the heat of a thousand suns, I still would still rather deal with them any day than see a victory by either of these two hated AL Central rivals over our beloved Tigers.

Take a look.

-Guys in Affliction/Tap Out shirts.

-People wearing visors, cowboy hats, or berets.

-Age of consent laws.

-People that drive faster than me.

-People that drive slower than me.

-People that aren't paying attention when the light turns green.

-Crickets.

-Fire ants.

-Nick Swisher continued existence.

-Adult males that take baseball gloves to games.

-Adults that makes signs and take them to baseball games.

-Whoever cancelled “Arrested Development”.

-When Rod Allen says “mute point” when he means “moot point”.

-Faux hawks.

-Car horns.

-Police Sirens.

-People that sit on motorcycles revving the engine and not driving anywhere.

-Anyone that changes their facebook status to some shitty song’s lyrics.

-Anyone over the age of 19 that types “LOL”.

-Fat people in tank tops.

-Bunting.

-Chumlee on “Pawn Stars”.

-Any non-“Boogie Nights” Mark Wahlberg movie.

-Seafood.

-Hearing the word “no”.

-Paying anything over $3 a gallon for gas.

-Taking a dump in a public toilet.

-When others are taking a dump in a public toilet when I’m trying to piss.

-Adults asking people for autographs.

-Girls with tattoos on their breasts.

-Local sports radio hosts.

-Dane Cook.

-Guys that address me as “Boss”, “Chief”, or “Brah”.

-Anyone in cornrows…scares the shit out of me.

-Dudes that insist Julia Styles and/or Renee Zellweger are hot.

-Drunk people that want to high-five or hug me.

-People that don’t click here and vote DNR as Most Valuable Blog. (Sorry, less than a week left...I couldn't resist.)

-Folks that don’t appreciate how amazing “Louie” on FX is.

-Democrats.

-Republicans.

-Chicks that dress like hookers and then get mad when people stare.

-Morons that misuse the words “there”, “their”, and “they’re”.  Also “your” and “you’re”.  Have some fucking self-respect.

-Stinky pussy. (Sorry…but yuck.  Take care of that thing.)

-People that drink in bars with their young kids with them.

-Bad tippers.

-Umpires.

-Artificial grape flavoring.

-Anyone over the age of 12 that rides a bicycle with a helmet.

-PT Cruiser owners.

-Toby Keith.

-Non-military people wearing camouflage.

-Jared from Subway.

-Fat people wearing Under Armor shirts.

-Old farts that keep saying athletes were better in the 50’s and 60’s.

-People that dress their pets in clothing.

-Any person that still finds “The Family Circus” funny.

-Guys named “Cody”.

-People that use a Bluetooth.

-Anyone with a neck tattoo.

-The ’72 Dolphins.

-Skullets.

-Game show contestants.

-Gum that loses its flavor in ten seconds.

-The Wave.

-Jar Jar Binks

-The fact that my jerkhole kid gets up so goddamn early when he stays overnight.

-The dentist.
------------------------------
In fact, there’s only six things I can think of that I hate more than the White Sox and Indians…

-The Yanks.

-Pittsburgh Steelers fans.

-Anything on MTV.

-Joe Buck/Tim McCarver calling a game.

-Glenn Beck

-And of course, and forever, Don Kelly

Die in a church fire, ChiSox and Tribe.  And get out of our way.

16 comments:

The4thAce said...

Brandon Inge did not not make this list?

Secret admirer...?

kalinecountry said...

Good list, I still include the suckass twins.
It's Nate's b-day today

H2OPoloPunk said...

"-People that dress their pets in clothing."

This is one of my biggest irks. That and people who have memorials on their car rear windows (big thing down here in N. Florida.

H2OPoloPunk said...

Also, people who don't close their parentheses.  )

Wm Westbrook said...

What is it that artificial grape actually tastes like? I can't place it. And I've eaten a lot of grapes in my time.

SRogo said...

I like actual grapes. But whenever I have something with artificial grape flavoring (like candy or something), I just think it tastes like cancer.

Makes me sick to my stomach.

Marques Thomey said...

Add to Kirsten Dunst to 'Dudes that insist Julia Styles and/or Renee Zellweger are hot.'

TartanElk said...

I'm the same way with strawberry. 

Real strawberry's are fantastic, anything with artificial strawberry taste is nasty crap.

Oldenglishd said...

He totally is a secret admirer.  Fake Inge hate.  This guy admitted that he secretly has rooted for Inge to do well.  Rogo is a fraud.

H2OPoloPunk said...

I'm that way with artificial cherry. F'ing disgusting. 

SRogo said...

I do root for Inge to succeed. I root for all of them, well, except Kelly. You're pretty talkative for someone only updating your blog once every three weeks.  Jerkface. :)

Oldenglishd said...

As a matter of fact, I just posted something today....RICHARD!

Geodad711 said...

Can I add f'ing mullets to this list?

SRogo said...

I'll allow it, though it makes me sad.  I had a SWEET mullet in the 7th grade...

Raburn said...

I thought you hate Sawx Nation and everything New England even more than the Yankees.

SRogo said...

I've grown to hate Sawx fans more than Yankee ones.  But I still hate the Yankees team more than Boston.

I'm weird.