Saturday, September 10, 2011

Brain Farts from @PhilCokesBrain, Vol 3

I went with my family to an apple orchard today. That's right. Me, the bloody antichrist, with my mother and my 7 year old surrounded by happy kids, ponies, goats, and apples. Then my long lost brother Scott Sizemore hit a pinch hit grand slam for the A's. Then, Brandon Inge hit a game winning walkoff homer for Detroit. And right now, my Fighting Irish have taken an early 14-0 lead over your smelly Wolverines.

My point is, up is down, left is right, and I don't know what to think anymore. Luckily for me, my good friend and yours, Twitter sensation @PhilCokesBrain, left a submission in my inbox for your enjoyment. Thank goodness.

But before we get to this installment of @Phil's Brain Farts, let me say NO. No I do not know who his true identity is. And if I did, I still wouldn't tell you jerks. Ha...enjoy.

You know man, sometimes life has more ups and downs than a jogging fat woman's nipple. Sometimes you're the boss and sometimes you are an Assistant Orderly at the Westland Hospital for the Perpetually Incontinent. This week illustrated that for me pretty plainly. Sometimes you are inserted in to the game and you strike out five batters and people want to give you their sisters and their hypothetical girlfriends for your unmitigated use. Sometimes you give up a two run home run to some scrub and people want you to die in a fire, or even worse, go back to the minors. At least Donnie is consistently hated. He can bank on Rogo wanting to smash his reproductive organs with a ball-pen hammer. It's a good thing I don't listen to the critics. I treat them like Trevor Thompson question. LALALALA NOT HEARING YOU!!
That's the thing with my interviews, you never quite know what I'm going to banana.
Justin keeps racking up the wins. There is even talk about him winning the MVP. He can't be worse than that hockey playing chimp. I say give it to him even though we won't hear the end of it. “Justin is soo good”, “Justin can throw 100mph”, “I sleep naked except for my Verlander jersey” Big whoop, he's not even lefthanded.
Brad had a hard time on the mound last week. I wish he wouldn't talk so much about his love life.
Brennen had surgery on his thumb. It had to be done, he had a tough time gripping the blow dryer.
It's nice to have the September call ups around. I feel a ton taller.
I feel pretty bad for the Indians. We sweep them, they have tiny crowds, we pretty much eliminate their playoff chances. We should let them have a casino.
Someone asked me how I felt about my WHIP and VORP but I told them I really wasn't into Pokemon.
One of the other guys in the bullpen wanted my to say “hi” for was, um...You know, that guy from Seattle....uh....forget it
Follow me, @philcokesbrain, on Twitter, but not too close cause sometimes I get the walking farts.


H2OPoloPunk said...

That's a ball "peen" hammer, Rogo. As is Don Kelly is getting hit in the peen.

But still, funny shit, dude.

Pawsdeep said...

Fucking Notre Dame.....great game but they have pisses me off to the point where I may not even watch football today...if the ears lose I'll be ready to wrote off the season until baseball is completely done