Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Top 10 Most Annoying Sports Fanbases

As someone that has spent the past decade working in sports bars (stay in skool, kidz), I consider myself somewhat of an expert on the common traits shared by fans of certain sports teams. And as I read and talk to others across the country, it’s amazing how alike these fanbases are, whether they be living on the East Coast, the West Coast, or here in the Toledo/Detroit area where I’ve spent my whole life.

And not all of them are bad, with the exception of the #1 on this list. But the majority of these fanbases are horrible people that need to spayed or neutered for the good of mankind. As much as I love sports, I remain a normal (though a little cranky) human being while watching my teams. These people turn into psychopaths.

Let us now examine what I view to be the ten most annoying fanbases in sports. And yes, I’m sure that many of you will be unhappy with at least one of my choices. Please do not slash my tires, you bloody savages.

10. Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim fans

I always hated the stupid Rally Monkey nonsense, but it wasn’t until a couple weeks ago with the Jered Weaver incident that I didn’t realize how dickish these folks could be. Relive the stupidity here if you weren’t around. Yeah, that was an ugly, childish exhibition. If anything, it made me root more for Texas to come out of the AL West this year. Angels fans can eat shit and die.

9. Chicago White Sox fans

I meet a lot of ignorant fans in my line of work. People that don’t know their roster, don’t have a basic understanding of the sport’s rules, people that think Brandon Inge is a good baseball player, etc. But I have yet to meet a White Sox fan that has the slightest clue what the fuck they’re talking about. They may the most delusional people alive. Everyone else sucks. Yet somehow, AJ Pierzynski is a good player. Despite the man being a moron (though entertaining), in Ozzie they trust. After all, this is the fanbase that had a father and son bond by jumping the rail and attacking the elderly first base coach of the Royals a few years back. Also, Sox fans get very angry when you talk badly of their team, too. As fun and laid back as Cubs fans are, the South Siders are the complete opposite. They just make no sense to me and it mildly upsets me that I’m friends with three such fans. Oh well, it could be worse. Keep reading to see how.

8. Philadelphia Eagles, Phllies, Flyers fans

City of Brotherly Love, my ass. Philly fans are the angriest people alive. They don’t care if they win or lose, just as long as someone gets crippled. They’re famous for throwing batteries, cheering when rival players lay paralyzed on the field, and booing Santa Claus. Eagles fans had a franchise quarterback in Donovan McNabb who they booed on draft day, talked trash about during the multiple NFC Championships he led them to, called him a choker in the Super Bowl they made, and cheered when he was traded to the rival Redskins. Phillies fans will turn on Roy Halladay one day, just watch. No amount of success will ever make these dicksnots happy, therefore all of their teams should be relocated to somewhere harmless. Like Iowa.

7. Dallas Cowboys fans

Odds are, if you are dumb enough to speak to someone in a Cows jersey, that person has never actually seen an entire football game. Meanwhile, they’ll be smack talking about how great the team is, despite them not winning a playoff game in years or not being able to name someone on the roster not named Tony Romo. The Cowboys are at least amusing to me in the way that they are one of the “bandwagon teams” (Cowboys, Yankees, Lakers), yet they haven’t won shit since the ‘90’s. I give Jerry Jones credit for being a marketing genius, but he and his team’s fanbase are all jackoffs of the highest order.

6. Oakland Raiders fans

They got moved ahead of Dallas after one of their finest shot a Niners fan during the preseason game last weekend. These are grown men that like to play dress up. They cheer for penalties rather than touchdowns. Did I mention that they like to dress up like Darth Vader and wear makeup? My hope is they eventually relocate back to the LA area and start killing off some of the Angels fans. At least they would be doing some good for once that way.

5. Detroit Red Wings fans

Here’s where 90% of you get pissed at me. But hear me out and hopefully better yourselves. My selection of Wings fans comes from working in bars that become infested with red and white clad mouth breathing drunks when the playoffs hit. Many admit to have watching few, if any, regular season games. Yet there they are, screaming through the entire game, treating my wait/bar staff like garbage, and making a gigantic mess of the bar, and an ass out of themselves. A couple years ago, a Red Wing employee brought the Stanley Cup into the bar. This person acted like they were so above everyone else in the place and treated everyone like dog shit…and it’s not like they actually PLAYED for the Wings. No, this was a secretary or something and they were even awful to the Wings fans around. So yeah, I can’t stand the Wings and who I root for in hockey generally goes like this:

A. Colorado (to annoy Wings fans)
B. Canadian teams (it's their sport, after all)
C. Whoever is playing Detroit (unless…see E)
D. Detroit
E. Florida, California, and any southern state teams…they don’t deserve hockey

4. Ohio State Buckeye fans

These pricks are the biggest hypocrites of all sports fans. They talk all sorts of shit, yet complain when other fans do, especially Michigan fans. They bitch about USC and other teams running dirty programs, yet cry conspiracy at the Pryor and Tressel stories that have come out. They’re also loud, rude, and annoying. And I say all this as a neutral Notre Dame fan…I have no rooting interest in Michigan football, if that’s what you’re thinking. But while I’m at it, fuck Michigan, too. But the GO BLUE crowd is at least amusing to be around, at times. Buckeye fans are awful and should all be forced to drink bleach before the new season starts.

3. New York Yankees fans

Entitled, ignorant pricks. They’ll turn on any player not named Jeter in a heartbeat. They EXPECT to win and don’t see why other fans get upset at their billion dollar payrolls. They feel New York is the most important city in the world and will never stop reminding you of that fact. And I really have nothing more to say about them that hasn’t already been said. Fuck the Yankees, fuck their stupid fans, and fuck Derek Jeter. In the ass with a rolling pin dipped in acid.

2. Boston/New England fans (any sport when they’re winning)

This is the ultimate ignorant bandwagon group of assholes on the planet. Red Sawx Nation played the underdog card for so long that I even bought into it and rooted for them in 2004. But since then, their true colors have come out. And that color had better not be black, since these are the most racist fans on Earth. More entitled feeling than the Yanks fans, more ignorant than the Cowboys fans, and more obnoxious than the Philly fans, Boston fans are a disgusting bunch. I’m willing to bet they can’t name two Patriot players before Tom Brady came along. I know none of them owned a Bruins jersey before last year. As for the Celtics between Bird retiring and Garnett’s crew arriving, how many games did your average fan attend? Agreed, they’re not all bad. They love their Sawx. But the majority of these fucksticks have ruined Boston sports forever with their “OWAH TEAMS AWAH BETTAH THAN YOWAH TEAM” bullshit. I pray every day that a tidal wave takes out Boston and New York. Fuck ‘em.

1. Pittsburgh Steelers fans

The worst of the worst. Steelers fans are the reason that I support abortion rights. None of these fuckers should be allowed to breed again. These fat, stupid, bandwagon, rapist supporting, drunk piles of pig shit are the face of what is wrong with sports fans. They are loud. They are rude. They don’t tip for shit. And they are EVERYWHERE. Steelers fans are famous for having “Steeler bars” in every major city in the country. And in those bars are bartenders and servers that fucking hate them like Bartolo Colon hates vegetables. You can’t fully understand my hatred of these assfucks waving their filthy yellow towels with their fat, wing sauce covered fingers while screaming “BIG BEN” and “POLLY MOLL EWWW” non-stop for three hours on a weekly basis after every meaningless two yard gain. They’re all awful. Not a decent one among them. And if you, John or Jane Q. Internetreader are in fact a Steelers fan? Do me a favor. Find a sturdy area near the ceiling of your trailer. Turn your size-52 belt into a noose. And hang yourself. Please.

There you have it. Narrowly missing the cut were Packer fans, Indians fans, the eleven Rays fans, Dodger fans, and anyone that watches NASCAR.

Better luck next time.


Eric said...

Im not upset about listing the red wing fans.  Im upset that you root for other teams before the wings.  Boo, Rogo.  Very Boo.

Kyle said...

Rogo great call on the Wings!  I hear all the time how much a "fan" loves the wings and yet they still think Yzerman is playing.  

Eric said...

Who? Who asks that? Ive never heard anyone ask that, ever. Im not saying its not possible but to imply you hear it all the time is a little ridiculous. Again, i understand the obnoxious part. We are.

KalineCountry said...

so true about boston fans, welcome to my world living here.
The only boston team I like are the Celtics, F the rest of them

Kyle said...

Ok like this blog I was being a little over the top but I do know quite a few wing fans that can't name more than 2 current players.  I feel if I can name more players than you with it being like my 5th favorite sport, on a team I don't follow, that's horrible.  If you want to argue they aren't true wings fans fine but they claim they love the wings and make ya look bad.

Tracy Babb said...

I loved this list.  And I love that you root for the Avs just to go against the Red Wings.  Too bad we're playing like a pile of horse crap these days.

Jay Hathaway said...

Sooooo right about Steelers fans.  In fact, as soon as I saw the title of your piece, I automatically thought, "Steelers."  I was a bartender for Legends' Sports Grille (now Jed's) in downtown Toledo, and had to put up with the occasional fan that had strayed from Fricker's.  I agree that many of my fellow Phillies fans are vicious tards, but that part of the fan base consists mostly of the city-dwellers.  Suburban and rural Phillies fans (Philly region has a LOT of rural areas) are much more mature, and appreciate the teams much more.
  My best friend and I wore Avalanche jerseys into both the Hockeytown Cafe and the Joe for a game one night.  Surprisingly, we got very little shit from fans; then again, we are badasses (flex).  Well, that, and my friend always has a look on his face like he just might stab you, and walking alongside a big Injun (me).
I was surprised you didn't include us Tigers fans in there; bunch o' foul-mouthed, self-righteous, Inge-booing/loving, Dontrelle-Willis-paying, Little Caesar's-eating, oversized-Hulk-fist-wearing, change-begging, smoke-bumming, auto-making, blue-collar, union-supporting, Kaline-worhipping, proud-tradition-having, olde-time baseball, bestdamnsonnofabitching fans on Earth!  Yeah, I guess we are pretty OK.  Good hustle, Tiger fans (/smack on ass).

JacksTigers said...

How are the red wings there and not the penguins. There fan base is way worse. Almost as bad as Black Hawk fans.

Pawsdeep said...

Spot on--and according to the news, you may get your wish with Irene looking like it's going to pummel Boston and New York. You have basically described my boss, who is a fat, lazy, stupid woman and has no idea what she is talking about ever, especially football, ad yet she screams at the tv like she has a fucking clue. And she does not.

Also, I feel your disdain for Ohio State. I can honestly say that growing up in Ohio, that the OSU diehard is one of the main reasons I moved. If I had to listen to them for one more college football season I was going to committ sepuku. My only solace was watching them get destroyed in bowl games by an SEC school and now this scandal males me happy knowing that I can shut them the fuck up the next time I hear crimson and grey mentioned in conversation.

Kurt Mensching said...

I love that you put the Wings on here. (Corollary: Lions fans suck too.) Nothing I love more than when their team is knocked out and they all cry about how they'd have won in a sweep but the evil commish and his officials stole the cup from them again.

Jay Hathaway said...

Aww, c'mon, Kurt, what's wrong with Lions fans?  We stick with our team through the suck, much like we did as Tigers fans for years.

Kurt Mensching said...

it's not the sticking with your team part. It's just the sheer number of douchey football fans. Football fans are douchey to begin with, so it's not like it's only the Lions. But I've had so many bad experiences with them, I hope their team goes 0-16 every year and they all slip and cut their throats with a chain saw.

SRogo said...

Nice. True, all fanbases are annoying in their own way. But Lions fans I've dealt with for the most part aren't as bad as others. Pittsburgh, Dallas, Oakland, Miami, Cleveland, Green Bay, Minnesota, New England, Baltimore, Giants and Jets fans all annoy me more than Lions fans.

Jay Hathaway said...

Yeah, from my bartending/bar management experiences, us Lions fans would simply nod and chuckle to ourselves when people such as Cowboys fans bitch about losing a game, because we expect to lose when we play.  Also, we used to tailgate in an empty lot right across the street from the old remains of Tiger Stadium, which, I dunno, just felt so...Detroit.  Incidentally, I do agree that most football fans are douchebags.  This is evident every time I've been hammered at a Lions game and some asshole makes me want to punch him, for saying something douche-esque and further adding to my already debilitating heartburn.