Monday, August 22, 2011

Return of the Troll King: How Wrong He's Been

He’s ALIVE…at MLive! The Troll King lives! After six weeks of silence on the Tigers, Bill Simonson has chimed in today with a piece…ADMITTING HE WAS WRONG?

/has seven consecutive heart attacks

Yes, his HUGENESS admits he was wrong about Jim Leyland…FOR THIS WEEK ONLY. Then he goes on to bad-mouth the Tiger skipper toward the end of the article, anyway. But baby steps, people. The man FINALLY admitted he was wrong about something.

Is this a sign of rational thinking from Bill? To be honest, village idiot Jeremy Bonderman drugged with GHB probably has more rational thinking than The Troll King. But it’s a start. And quite frankly, I’d like to see more of this. And I am MORE than willing to help him out. Don’t believe me? Let’s go through Bill’s columns this season and make a list of things he’s been wrong about so far. And next week, maybe The Troll King can then apologize for everything else.

Get some popcorn, kids. This will be fun. HUGE fun.


Tigers president Dave Dombrowski and owner Mike Ilitch have given the skipper free agents and one of the best minor league systems in baseball.

The Tigers minor league system was and is awful, outside of Jacob Turner.

Leyland’s style of resting and rotating players has held this franchise back from great things. His saving players for the end of the season doesn’t make sense if you’re out of the playoffs by mid-July.

Leyland didn’t change shit and the team is up 4.5 games in late August.

If Leyland can adjust his style and they stay healthy, I think the Tigers have a shot at winning the American League this year.

Again, Jim didn’t change, plus lots of guys have been hurt. 4.5 games up.

Brad Penny is a great veteran addition to the rotation.

Great? Average is a better adjective, I think.

I think the Phil Coke project will have him back in the bullpen by early May.

Early July. In May, Coke allowed 2 earned runs or fewer in four out of his five starts.

The bullpen should be rock-solid all season long with a lot of options if somebody struggles.


The pickup of Joaquin Benoit was huge.

Huge or HUGE? Benoit’s been Jeckyl and Hyde.

Defense is so strong to start the season. The Tigers are the best they have been up the middle since Placido Polanco left. I love Will Rhymes and the energy he brings at the plate and at second base.

Yikes. So much is wrong there, I’ll just let you all breathe it in.

The Tigers will have a season-long battle with the Chicago White Sox and Minnesota Twins.

Not so much with the Twinkies. More like Cleveland.


To take advantage of the best lineup Detroit can put out there, Victor Martinez should be behind the plate as the everyday catcher.

V-Mart would be dead by now if they had listened.We would have suffered though Little Victor's tears. Terrible thought. And then there’s that Avila guy…

Alex Avila doesn’t have the arm or bat to be a fulltime player.

Quite wrong, Your Majesty. But I didn’t think he could hit like this either. There’s the difference. I admit when I’m wrong. And I was never ignorant enough to question Avila’s arm. You never admit when you’re wrong (until now!). And you’re the most ignorant Tiger “writer” alive.

Ryan Rayburn’s (sic) bat deserves to be in the lineup.

So THAT’S where all the morons got that spelling of Ryno’s name. Also, I just wanted everyone to see this for later statements Bill makes in knee jerk fashion. No, not “Knee Jerk” fashion…I would never compare Bill to Al and Eno…

Part of me thinks Ramon Santiago will deliver more offense than Will Ryhmes (sic) can because Ryhmes (sic) has no power and the Yankees looked like they had him figured out.

One week after saying the team was the best up the middle since Polanco left, and crediting Will’s “energy” (he’s white and small), he wanted him yanked for Santiago. No one called him out for that?

Also, how hard is it to spell “Rhymes”?

Coke has shown enough in one weekend to not pitch again this season.

Coke would go on to make five starts lasting at least six innings and allowing two runs or less. He’s currently in the pen and hasn’t allowed a run in his last ten appearances.

I wonder if (Leyland) knows his baseball biological clock is ticking and this year might be his last in the big leagues.

He got extended. I bet Bill was bed-ridden for days.


I want to say some kind words about Jim Leyland.

Liar. If Simonson didn't bitch about JL, he would never have a column topic. Bill’s obsession with bad-mouthing JL should have a thick file—just in case—at the Detroit police department. Well, UNTIL TODAY! Ha.

I do think we need to give Tigers pitching coach Rick Knapp some love for the job he has done with the starters and bullpen to get them throwing strikes and getting people out.

Knapp was fired on June 3rd because the pitchers were underperforming so badly.

The bullpen with Ryan Perry back has settled down.

Ryan Perry. LOL.

Brayan Villarreal and Al Alburquerque have arms that can help this team all season.

Villareal’s ERA ballooned to 6.75 by giving up 12 ER and 21 hits in only 16 innings and was thankfully sent to Toledo to hopefully never return. He’s awful. Alburquerque’s been amazing, but hasn’t been able to stay healthy with arm issues and line-drive-to-the-head issues.

I like Ryan Raburn at second base and in the No. 2 spot in the batting order.

Please, PLEASE remember this statement.

Ordonez will have to start hitting more to keep Cabrera from seeing a ton of intentional walks.

This just made no sense. You’d think it would be VMart, the guy hitting AFTER Cabrera that would have to be hitting well to keep Big Mig from getting IBB’d all the time. And Vic’s hit. And Mig hasn’t been IBB’d as much as last year. Maggs didn’t and doesn’t have shit to do with it.


This guy (Rick Knapp) has been a rock star in Detroit because of what he has done with the Tigers’ pitchers.

Rock star Knapp got Jani Lane’d a month later because of what he did with the Tigers’ pitchers. Jani Lane got Jani Lane’d in August thanks to mixing vodka and pills.

The Cleveland Indians will not keep playing the same level of baseball they have the first six weeks of the season.

Technically true, but they’re still in the race. They deserve credit for continuing to defy the odds.

If Leyland sticks with his best arms, I think the Tigers’ pitchers will be the difference in the AL Central.


Thank you Rick Knapp for your hard work.



I’m trying to figure out if the Tigers are playing good baseball.

They were. They still are. (Hint: First place equals good baseball.)

I just can’t buy into the way this guy writes out his daily lineup card. I never have liked Leyland's style.

First place. Headed to playoffs and the team’s first divisional title in 24 years.

How Ryan Raburn can play more last week than Brennan Boesch or Alex Avila is proof Leyland overthinks the game of baseball.

But I thought you liked Raburn? And liked him hitting second? Were you WRONG?

The guy (Raburn) is hitting .199 and makes an error every other game and Leyland still stands by the guy.

Good thing JL stands by his players instead of just shitting on them when they struggle. In the second half, Ryno’s hitting .311 to raise his overall average to .232 and climbing. You change your opinions daily on players like Paris Hilton changes her opinion daily on what cock she’s going to sit on. Grow up. It’s a long season. People struggle sometimes.


I have baseball scientists at NASA working to figure out how Ryan Raburn gets to start more games than the big bats in the Tigers' lineup.

No he didn’t. And Raburn wasn’t starting more than the big bats, either. Bill made that up.

Leyland always has managed for tomorrow and that is why his teams always have second-half problems and have a tough time being consistent.

The second half has gone well so far. Biggest lead of the year in the division.

Guillen will be a huge boost to the lineup if Leyland doesn’t platoon him with his boy Raburn.



We can complain all we want about Leyland’s lineup cards but if the starters keep pitching batting practice like they have in the early innings, Detroit will be out of the race in two weeks.

Wrong again.


Kelly has earned the right to be starting at third.

LOL…dude, c'mon.

Inge’s lofty salary may keep him on the lineup card…

Sent to Triple A.

If an established starting shortstop is there for the taking at the trade deadline, I would make that deal and move Jhonny Peralta to third.

Traded for a third baseman named Wilson Betemit. Kept Peralta at short where Rod Allen is hyping him for Gold Glove consideration.

His (Guillen) veteran presence and bat, if he can stay healthy, will be a huge plus for the Tigers in the second half.

Yeah, he said it again. Never later admitted he was wrong.

Raburn would be sent down if I made the call.

Thank Jeebus it’s not your call.

I think Dirks and Wells deserve to stay with the big club.

Dirks is in Toledo and Wells is, worse, in Seattle.

Outside of a fifth starter and a high staff ERA caused by a week of bad baseball, the arms on its roster are pretty darn solid.

The middle relief is a church fire. Porcello and Penny are wild cards still.
There you have it. That’s a LOT to be wrong about in such a scant few columns, Bill. Perhaps you’d be better off in another line of work…like a human crash test dummy.

Until then, remember this the next time you’re putting your brain diarrhea into print. You are a moron and are most likely...


OldManMags said...

The only thing I'd add is Castellanos is supposed to be another great add to the Tigers farm system. I saw him play yesterday and he does look like he's in a league of his own down there. That's not to say he's major league ready or even triple-A ready, but could be something.

Eric DeYoung said...

The Huge Show sucks so intensely and so many varied ways it makes my brain assplode.

Zac Snyder said...

I wouldn't give Huge too much credit here, his line of thinking really isn't any different than usual. It is totally based on hindsight. Tigers won = right decision. That is the way it has always worked in Huge's world (there is a scary place!).

In the real world, decisions have to be made in the absence of information. Jim made what he thought was the best decision and it worked out this time. It is possible that the best decision doesn't produce the best result. This is a fact blowhards like Huge will never understand.

rick2000 said...

 Wow, it must have taken hours to do this point-by-point rebuttal! Impressive and/or depressive. We get it, this guy doesn't know what he's talking about. But seriously, the reason this team is in the lead in the worst division in baseball is simply Verlander. Without him, they're actually not even .500. Throw in the fact in the other five divisions the Tigers would not only not be in first, but would be on the fringes of contention and your puffing up of Leyland makes no sense. We get it, the Tigers are the 11th best team in baseball with Verlander. The point isn't to make the playoffs once in five years simply because your pitcher has a Cy Young year and no other team in the division has a record above .500. With this payroll, the goal should be higher than be being the MLB equivalent of an NBA 8th seed.

You proved it yourself! Talentwise, this team is better than the '87 Tigers. And yet that team won 98 games and this team is going to win 87-88. Curious! Some of that blame goes to how Leyland has handled the roster. The fact they have succeeded despite his Neanderthal-manage-from-the-back-of-a-pack-of-Marlboros approach is simply because Verlander is awesome and the rest of the teams suck.

SRogo said...

The team is 6-19 when JV, Max, Rick, or Penny doesn't pitch. THAT is the problem.  Do I like Leyland?  Not really?  But he takes way too much blame for things that are out of his control.