Saturday, August 20, 2011

A Mad Libs Recap: Tigers 10, Indians 1

You may have noticed that I sometimes use foul language on this site. My bad. I’m a passionate fan and sometimes get carried away. Also, cursing is just plain funny in the right context.

But as an Oscar Emmy Golden Globe CBS Detroit Award nominee (vote for me every day, dammit!), perhaps I should scale back on such immature, vulgar ways of expressing myself. It worked for Ice Cube…why not me?

The following is a recap of Saturday evening’s Indians/Tigers game. Instead of cursing, though, I will replace the questionable word with another…Mad Libs style. Each one will be sharing a common theme. Today’s theme after the jump.

David Huff was the starter for the Tribe tonight against Doug Fister of Tigers. Unlike the last time that I did a Mad Libs recap, I’ve come to terms with the fact that “Fister” is not a naughty word. In fact, neither is “fisting”. “Fisting”, while not my particular cup of tea, is a perfectly acceptable activity between consenting adults. Just ask JV and his girlfriend…I kid. Anyway, let’s get to the recap. Enough bull(Poochie).

Holy 2006! Ordonez, Inge, and Santiago all started for Detroit tonight. Too bad that pile of (Superintendent Chalmers) Guillen can’t stay healthy or we would have really had a party. Also it was “Fiesta Tigres” night at the CoPa. At the same time, Ford Field was hosting a Kenny Chesney concert. Great idea…pack a bunch of rednecks and Latinos all together. Add alcohol. What could go wrong?

Fister K’d the first guy he faced, but Shin-Soo Choo followed that with a single. Doug looked like horse(Apu) in his last outing, so getting off to a good start tonight was a must. With two down, Travis Hafner came up. I’m still uncomfortable seeing Pronk. Years ago, I was taking a leak at some MLB dinner thing when he showed up at the urinal next to me. He’s such a big dude that I got a bit pee-shy. Not big as in his (Disco Stu), you perverts…I didn’t look. I’m no flaming (Sideshow Mel), you know. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. Anyway, Hafner got beaned by Fister. Good. He can go (Milhouse) himself. Doug got out of the inning one batter later. Not a great start, but we’ll take it.

AJax led off for Detroit with a walk. Magglio FINALLY batting where he belongs, second, followed with a line drive single. Way to go with the lineup for once Jim, you stubborn son of a (Diamond Joe Quimby). Big Mig extended his hitting streak to 18 games with an RBI single, bringing in Jackson. He’s hitting around .400 this year with runners in scoring position now, second in the AL only to Victor Martinez. How’s that for putting the team on his back, Greg Eno? You’re a good dude, man, but with that article you really had your head up your (Gil). VMart followed Mig with a sac fly to bring in Maggs. Next, Alex Avila was walked to bring up Jhonny Peralta with two on, two out. He flied out to end the first with Detroit up 2-0.

The second inning saw a couple highlights. Fister made a stupid (Ralph Wiggum)ing error, but made it through unscathed. And the bottom of the inning saw the return of Detroit’s favorite special little guy, how fitting, Brandon Inge. The (Krusty)head got a nice reception from the Tiger crowd, who obviously weren’t posting on MLive last night. By their comments, you’d have thought Brandon (Kang)ed their mothers in the (Kodos). Of course, the little (Smithers) homered to make the game 3-0. Expect that (Groundskeeper Willie)wad Mitch Albom to write a movie script about it someday. Anyhoo, Little Ramon followed that by proving anyone can drill Huff by doubling off the left center wall. Magglio hit a sac fly later to bring him in making it 4-0. To everyone saying Maggs is useless, please do me a favor and (Lenny) my (Carl). Thanks. To recap, Doug Fister’s team gave him a four run lead through two. He looked like he was gonna (Troy McClure) himself.

Make it 4-1 in the third, as Shin-Soo Choo hit a solo homer to left with one out. He can lick my sweaty (Lurleen Lumpkin). Fister would also allow a walk and a single before Kosuke Fukudome struck out to end the inning. Good pickup there, Cleveland. I believe “Fukudome” is Japanese for “festering (Selma) flap”.

Big Mig walked to lead off the bottom of third. Cleveland should have known better. Guys named “Huff” don’t play well at the CoPa for some reason. Case in point, he’d walk Avila, too, before being lifted for ex-Tiger Chad Durbin. I never liked Durbin…he can get (Duffman)ed in the (Squeaky-Voiced Teen) for all I care. With two on, two out, Al Kaline Brandon Inge came back up. Would the magic continue? Does the pope (Jasper) in the woods? Inge hit a ground-rule double to make it 5-1. Sigh. Mud Hens hitting coach Leon “Bull” Durham needs a raise. Santiago flied out to end the third.

Top of the fourth saw Cleveland get two on as the umpires did their usual duty of making bad calls against the Tigers. Someone should really make a tape of every one of these the past few years and send it to MLB. Those (Fat Tony)s are awful…especially that fat tub of (Comic Book Guy) “Country” Joe West. Thankfully, Fister got out of it. He looked really good today with 6 K’s through 4 innings at this point.

Fast forward to the bottom of the 5th. With one out, Victor singled and Avila followed with a double that just missed being a home run. Ironman Avila is the man. I have never, NEVER been so happy to be wrong about a guy. Sorry that I was a (Flanders) and doubted you, AA. Peralta was then walked to load the bases for SUPERINGE! The future MVP Inge lifted a lazy fly ball…that Michael Brantley dropped. What a dumb (Bumblebee Man). Run scored making it 6-1 and Brandon the luckiest man alive. Little Ramon followed with a sac fly to make it 7-1 before AJax grounded out to end the inning.

Fister cruised through seven innings and K’d seven, overall. Nice job for The Dougie and I hope he, at least, got a (Jasper) from one of the FSD Girls tonight. In the bottom of the seventh, again VMart singled and Avila walked to start things off for Detroit. Peralta followed with a single to AGAIN load the bases for Babe Ruth Inge. Life got back to normal as he quickly K’d. (Nelson)hole. Little Ramon picked up the slack with a single to make it 8-1. Gawd, this game was fun. AJax got in on the onslaught next with ANOTHER single to make it 9-1. Tonight’s the eighth straight game that Austin’s gone without striking out. Suck on that fat (Old Jewish Man), haters. Maggs had been lifted for defensive purposes at this point so walking afterbirth piece of (Kent Brockman) Don Kelly came up with them loaded and one out. Now HE singled to make it 10-1. Delmon Young, who had a bad night, hit into a lazy double play to end the inning.

Phil Coke took over in the 8th for Detroit. With a 9 run lead, you’d think Leyland would use this time to get one of the (Capital City Goofball)y pitchers some time. But, oh well. He K’d Pronk, allowed a single to that tubby (Professor Frink) Santana, got Fukudome to hit into a fielder’s choice, and got LaPorta to ground out. Nice to see Phil not pitching like (Jimbo)ing (Sideshow Bob) anymore.

Not much more to say. Avila got another single to make him 5 for 5 in getting on base in the game. Dude is UNREAL right now! I’m no (Itchy), but I’d give him a (Scratchy) with the way he’s playing in August! Daniel Schlereth came on for Detroit in the 9th and got a 1-2-3 inning. Ballgame!

Tigers win 10-1. Awesome night. Congrats, Brandon. You annoy me, you little (Dr.Nick), but I’m happy for you.

Please retire now.

Good day.


Robeartoe said...


Wm Westbrook said...

Craig Monroe is available, too.

h2opolopunk said...

**slow, steady applause**

Julian Miller said...

Good article, but you missed a perfect Simpsons double entendre there!  "I'm no flaming (Moe!)"

SRogo said...

Damn. Missed opportunity.

motorcitycat said...

HA ha