Sunday, June 19, 2011

The 2011 DNR All-Star Ballot

I guess it’s time I weigh in on the MLB All-Star game that’s coming up next month. Yes, the All-Star game, where fans around the country vote on which of their favorite Yankee and Red Sox players they want to see playing against the National League. This is because most fans are stupid and have the IQ of a dead possum.

Now being that the ASG is an “exhibition”, I would normally not give a damn who starts. I mean no one cares about the Pro Bowl, the NBA all star game, or the NHL one, either. Why should baseball be any different nowadays? But then Bud Selig made the idiotic decision to award home field advantage in the World Series to the winner of the ASG. If that’s the case, why leave the starting players in the hands of people that haven’t heard of 90% of the people on the ballot? It’s not like ESPN is helping anyone out by only focusing on 3 or 4 teams in the league every day.

Since I pay as much attention to NL baseball as my cat pays attention to me when I call her name, I’ll just focus on the AL and list the top vote getters as of June 14th along with my choices and three runners up.

As always, Your Party Host will remain the most fair and balanced person alive. Trust me.


Fan Voting
1.  Russell Martin, Yankees
2.  Alex Avila, Tigers
3.  Joe Mauer, Twins (Fuck you, America.)

DNR Vote
1.  Alex Avila, Tigers

AAwesome has been unstoppable this year and deserves to start…and it’s not even close. Again, I’m so happy to have been wrong thus far about him.

2.  Carlos Santana, Indians
3.  Russell Martin, Yankees
4.  Matt Wieters, Orioles


Fan Voting
1.  Adrian Gonzalez, Red Sox
2.  Mark Teixeira, Yankees (Eat shit, America.)
3.  Miguel Cabrera, Tigers

DNR Vote
1.  Adrian Gonzalez, Red Sox

I wish I could go against him, but the man is outstanding. He’s hitting .348 with 15 homers, 64 RBI, and slugging .607. He deserves to start.

2.  Paul Konerko, White Sox
3.  Miguel Cabrera, Tigers (Sorry, Mig.)
4.  Adam Lind, Blue Jays


Fan Voting
1.  Robinson Cano, Yankees
2.  Dustin Pedroia, Red Sox
3.  Ian Kinsler, Rangers

DNR Vote
1.  Robinson Cano, Yankees

Yeah, that’s two in a row I’m agreeing with the ignorant fuckface fans on. But Cano’s head and shoulders above a weak class of second baseman in 2011. He wins by default.

2.  Ben Zobrist, Rays
3.  Howie Kendrick, Angels
4.  Dustin Pedroia, Red Sox


Fan Voting
1.  Alex Rodriguez, Yankees
2.  Adrian Beltre, Rangers
3.  Kevin Youkilis, Red Sox

DNR Vote
1.  Don Kelly, Tigers
1.  Adrian Beltre, Rangers

It was close, but I gave Beltre the edge over A-Rod due to his defense and the fact that Beltre leads third basemen in total bases and RBI. I’m sure there’s better saber-friendly stats to look at, too, but my tooth is killing me and I’m not in the mood to look up much today. Blow me. Another weak position this year.

2.  Alex Rodriguez, Yankees
3.  Kevin Youkilis, Red Sox
4.  Wilson Betemit, Royals


Fan Voting
1.  Derek Jeter, Yankees (Eat a dick, America.)
2.  Asdrubal Cabrera, Indians
3.  Elvis Andrus, Rangers

DNR Vote
1.  Asdrubal Cabrera, Indians

Cabrera leads all AL shortstops in hits, doubles, homers, RBI, and total bases. Plus, he’s amazing on defense. Remember a couple years back when I said we should try and trade for him and I was mocked for it? No? Well, eat shit anyway. As much as I’d like to see Peralta rewarded for his stellar play this year, Asdrubal has been even better.

2.  Jhonny Peralta, Tigers
3.  Alexei Ramirez, White Sox
4.  JJ Hardy, Orioles


Fan Voting
1.  David Ortiz, Red Sox
2.  Michael Young, Rangers
3.  Jorge Posada, Yankees (Kill yourself if you voted for Posada.)

DNR Vote
1.  David Ortiz, Red Sox

Cough, CONTRACTYEAR, cough. Sorry. Papi’s been reborn this year. Yay. Fat bastard.

2.  Billy Butler, Royals
3.  Victor Martinez, Tigers
4.  Michael Young, Rangers


Fan Voting
1.  Jose Bautista, Blue Jays
2.  Curtis Granderson, Yankees
3.  Josh Hamilton, Rangers (Really?)
4.  Jacoby Ellsbury, Red Sox
5.  Ichiro Suzuki, Mariners
6.  Carl Crawford, Red Sox
7.  Nelson Cruz, Rangers
8.  Nick Swisher, Yankees (REALLY, America?)
9.  Brett Gardner, Yankees (Oh, COME ON!)

DNR Vote
1.  Jose Bautista, Blue Jays
2.  Curtis Granderson, Yankees
3.  Adam Jones, Orioles

Bautista and Granderson are gimmies with the amazing years they’re having. That tiny bullshit park in NY was made for Curtis. And Bautista’s a beast. The third guy was tough, though. I gave it to Jones based on his defense since his offensive stats were comparable to a lot of other guys in the running.

4.  Matt Joyce, Rays
5.  Brennan Boesch, Tigers
6.  Jacoby Ellsbury, Red Sox
7.  Melky Cabrera, Royals
8.  Carlos Quentin, White Sox
9.  Michael Cuddyer, Twins

So we agreed on 5 out of 9? Damn. That’s a lot more than I expected. Maybe baseball fans are getting smarter. Or maybe I’m getting dumber.

Yup. Probably the latter.

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