Friday, March 11, 2011

Nicknames for the 2011 Detroit Tigers

It’s time to list this year’s team and my idiotic nicknames that I may use for each of them this season. I didn’t come up with all of them myself, obviously, and welcome you to add any that I may have missed. Some are inside jokes that only two people will probably get. But I’m silly like that.

Enjoy.



Pitchers

Al Alburquerque: Wrong Turn

Joaquin Benoit: The Phoenix, The Canadian Crippler

Phil Coke: Cokehead, Coke Zero

Charlie Furbush: Brazilian Wax, Sir Charles of Furbush, Musky, Das Wunderbush (PLEASELETHIMMAKETHETEAMSOMEHOWPLEASE)

Brad Penny: Smells Like Milano, New Bondo

Ryan Perry: Sleeves

Rick Porcello: Kid Rick, FredFred (Trademark-Samara)

Max Scherzer: Mad Max, Thunderdome, Left-Eye

Daniel Schlereth: Stink Jr.

Jacob Turner: Ike, The Chosen One

Jose Valverde: Papa Grande, Big Potato, Fatty

Justin Verlander: JV, Justin Credible, Justin Abortion (April only)

Robbie Weinhardt: Dr. Swineheart

Joel Zumaya: Zoom, Glass Joel, Mrs. Henning

Catchers

Alex Avila: Little Al, Captain Nepotism, Beardface (That’s Beard Fasay, Dammit!)

Patrick Leyland: We Really Wasted an 8th Round Pick on Jim’s Kid?

Victor Martinez: VMart

Max St. Pierre:  Crash Davis, Cheese Eating Surrender Monkey, Pepe le Pew

Infield

Miguel Cabrera: Big Mig, Se┼łor Ding Dong, Spanish Mike, Tipsy McStagger, Surly Duff

Carlos Guillen: Carlito, Mr. Glass

Brandon Inge: Binge, Special Little Guy, Saint Brandon, “Oh Sh-t Brandon’s Up”

Jhonny Peralta: Lhong Jhon, JP

Will Rhymes: Tinkerbell, Scrappy Don’t, ‘Lil Will, Eckstein Jr, Oompa Loompa, Keebler Elf

Ramon Santiago: Little Ramon, Razor Ramon

Scott Sizemore: Sizematters, Scotty Size

Danny Worth: Worthless

Outfield

Brennan Boesch: Matt Joyce 2.0, Dubba B, Killer B

Austin Jackson: AJax, Action Jackson, Curtis Who?

Don Kelly: Bane of My Existence, I Hate Don Kelly

Magglio Ordonez: Maggs, Mr. Cosey

Ryan Raburn: Ryno, Stonehands

Clete Thomas: Cletus, Your Lord and Savior, Captain Redneck

Casper Wells: Pedophile Eyes, Ghost
--------------------
That’s all I’ve got right now. Is it friggin’ Opening Day yet? Sigh…

12 comments:

Russ said...

Scrubs quote! F*ck yeah! Das Wunderbush is by far my favorite.

Anonymous said...

What, no Miquel post?
Or do Drunkin, rageaholic 300 pound MVP Tiger First Baseman who blow up BBQ restaurants and threaten Game Wardens with imaginary guns not inspire you? Na, I'll make fun of him when he does something unusual and doesen't show up to camp in "the shape of his life" to quote Jimmy. He and Dombroski spent the winter beating off to Cabrera's rookie card. If we could trade the 3 of them for a couple of slices of Ted Williams frozen man sack I'd make the deal.

Lucas said...

Tinkerbell is my personal favorite. It just suits him so well.

Anonymous said...

Ok here is what I thought of.
Austin Jackson, Special K
Carlos Guillen, Don Juan disabled
Brandon Inge, The little ingine who couldn't (hit)
Jhonny Peralta, My mom was drunk and couldn't spell Johnny

Anonymous said...

No love for Will "Mad" Ryhmes?

Anonymous said...

I know it is crass, but I have always liked Clete-toris for Clete Thomas and I look for a little Clete-toral stimualtion when he comes to the plate.

Anonymous said...

To Anon poster who talked about Cabrera, you only want Ted Williams man sack so you can gave one, since you obviously lack one.

Go f-ck yourself.

Auxesis said...

My favorite was "Eckstein Jr." for Rhymes.. he really is David Eckstein-lite.

AutoPuzzles Blogger said...

You forgot one: Don Kelly: "Donk B-Donk", or just plain "Donk"

Anonymous said...

Funny names, most of 'em but the only worthless Tiger was you!

Anonymous said...

Canadian Crippler for Benoit?

Well, if he puts someone in the Crippler Crossface during a brawl, I'm cool with it.

Pavko1tg said...

 How about Brandon 3 Inger (thats what his wife said!)
Brennan 'Boom' Boesch
Phil Coke Dealer
Casper Wells and Fargo or Wells Bells
Danny Worthers Orginal

Or a throwback from a few years ago....
Pack up your Grilli and Monroe your ass out of town!