Thursday is Opening Day and we’re playing the crown jewel of the league, the New York Fackin’ Yankees. Lucky us.
ESPN’s favorite team is first on the schedule for the Tigers this year. If you watch Opening Day on ESPN without the mute button enabled, be prepared for the worst. When the Tigers bat, the Worldwide Leader announcers will be talking about the Yankee pitchers. When the Tigers are in the field, they will jabber on endlessly about the Yankee hitters and how awesome they are. You will hear about the many championships they have
If they do mention the Tigers, they will have no clue what they are talking about. For example, in Tuesday’s televised Tigers/Yankees preseason game, they mispronounced both Joel Zumaya and Fu-Te Ni’s names. Seriously, how do you get “NA” out of Ni? Most likely, though, they’ll only mention Miguel Cabrera’s DUI arrest since it’s the only thing they’ll be interested in talking about concerning Detroit.
Right off the bat, we’ll all be missing Rod and Mario’s wacky adventures. Luckily, it’s only for one day and FSN will take over from there.
Face of the Franchise
Currently, Jeter is chasing 3,000 hits and is the most overpaid player in the game by a wide margin.
Curtis Granderson has been a mild disappointment in New York since being traded there. He’s been hurt a lot and might not be ready to start the year with a strained right side muscle. He’ll play in a minor league game on Wednesday and they’ll take it from there. CJ is still a favorite of mine and yours, I’m sure, despite being with the Evil Empire. Actually, I’m pretty sure he’s the only current Yankee that I wouldn’t want to see beaten to death with a sledgehammer.
Freddy Garcia was a Tiger for ten minutes a couple years ago and is still trying to get his career going after injuries have stalled him in recent years. By default, he’ll be a starter on this staff that’s bare after CC Sabathia, AJ Burnett, and Phil Hughes.
Other Superstar Players
Yeah, there’s a lot of them. Trouble for them is, there’s not that many in the pitching department this year as compared to their more recent teams.
Most Hated Yankee
Awful. Yankee fans should all burned alive. These entitled pricks are spoiled and arrogant to no end. Half of them probably can’t tell you who Don Mattingly is, but they still think they’re great fans. They’re rude, overbearing assholes that are the devil’s afterbirth. Overall, they can pretty much be broken down into these easy-to-identify annoying groups.
-Greaseball Italian stereotypes
-Bandwagon fans that don’t really watch baseball (also root for Lakers & Cowboys)
-NBA players that likes to piss off their home team’s fans
-No longer relevant actors/actresses
-People with obnoxious mustaches
I’m sure they have decent fans out there somewhere, but I’ve yet to meet one.
Thursday is almost here. Game on. I'm sure that when the series is over, it'll resemble this photoshop I found at freakingnews.com.