Thursday, February 24, 2011
Meanwhile...At The Other AL Central Spring Camps
But Mig’s going to be fine. We need to keep a lookout on those other dastardly teams in the AL Central. Have any of you been keeping an eye on those bastards? Didn’t think so! Luckily, as usual, Your Party Host has spies everywhere to make sure we know what’s going on the in clubhouses of the enemy. Journey with me as we take a quick peek at what the Twins, Royals, Indians, and White Sox are up to.
(At Twins camp.)
/takes shots of horse steroid in both knees
MAUER: Ahhh…that feels good. Hey, Jason. You seen Morneau yet? Any clue how he’s doing with his concussion?
MAUER: Okay. But have you seen Justin? We’re gonna need him healthy if we want to hold off the Tigers and White Sox, man.
KUBEL: I want some nachos. And three porterhouses. With ketchup. And some more nachos.
MAUER: Sigh. I hear there’s a good sports bar around the corner from…
/door flies open
KUBEL: I’m hungry. Nice shirt.
MAUER: Hey, Justin. How you feeling, pal?
MORNEAU: How’s it going, eh? You hosers have a good winter?
/breathes through mouth only
MAUER: Uh oh.
/eats handful of pain killers
KUBEL: Let’s get food.
MAUER: Yeah. Right. Justin, lead the way. Let’s get lunch.
MORNEAU: (drool running down chin) Okay, eh.
/pushes on door marked “PULL” for 20 seconds
MAUER: Oh boy. I’ve got a bad feeling about this.
(At Royals camp.)
BUTLER: Think we’ll finish within ten games of .500 this year?
BUTLER: Think DeJesus misses us?
BUTLER: Wanna hit the strip club?
(EDIT: If you haven’t heard about Kendall’s incident yet, go to deadspin.com and look for it. I tried to link to it, but since deadspin's redesign, I haven't been able to get the links to work.)
(At Indians camp.)
ACTA: Obviously it’s time for some changes.
HAFTER: This guy’s dead!
ACTA: Cross him off then.
ACTA: My kinda team, Travvy. My kinda team.
(At White Sox camp.)
/worships Dark Lord Satan
/kills litter of puppies
DUNN: You sh-ttin' me?
KONERKO: Welcome to Chicago, man. Oh, and don't bend over if Pierzynski's in the shower with you. Follow that golden rule and you'll be fine.