Thursday, February 17, 2011

Cabrera-gate: Attacking the Vultures

First off, I cannot thank you all enough for your early responses to my initial piece on Miguel Cabrera. If you haven’t read that yet, please do so before proceeding with this one. It’s sad when me, of all people, is being called the “mature” one. How pathetic has media become when that happens?

But I’m done being mature. Now I’m getting pissed.

The media. Multiple offenders so far, kids. You higher-than-thou, PC-at-all-costs, judgmental, sacks of monkey piss should be ashamed of yourselves. I’m gonna skip around through these. Click on the links if you want to read the full articles.

We start with the worst so far, Michael Rosenberg at the freep.

Miguel Cabrera never really said he was an alcoholic.

Maybe he isn’t. Maybe he is. Maybe he doesn’t know. I’m positive that YOU don’t know. Everyone that gets drunk is not an alcoholic. Is that so hard to understand for the “legit media”?

He said he hadn’t had a drink in several months. He said he was a “new man.” He said he would be a better father, husband and teammate. He said his infamous drinking-and-domestic-violence incident during the biggest series of his Detroit Tigers career “is not going to happen again. I feel positive of that.”

And unless I’m mistaken, until Wednesday night’s incident, I’ve seen no proof that Cabrera had been drinking since the incident with his wife. I haven’t heard anything but great things about the man as a husband, father, and teammate. I’m pretty sure he hasn’t had any domestic abuse problems. None of that has happened.

He got a DUI, though. Dude messed up. It must suck not being perfect. Like Michael Rosenberg.

In other words: Miguel Cabrera is like a lot of alcoholics. He struggles with the concept of “never.”

And Rosenberg is like a lot of reporters. He struggles with the concepts of “details”, “facts”, and “common sense”. Everything is black or white. No inbetween. Cabrera got drunk and did something dumb. He’s an alcoholic. Maybe. Maybe not. WE DON’T KNOW.

And until he fully comes to grips with that, we probably will see him in more mug shots.

Jesus Tap Dancing Christ. And what is your divine idea of “grips”, Mr. Perfect? You seem like an expert on this. Like every other ignorant prick writing about Miguel today.

This is what we know about Cabrera: On the last weekend of the 2009 season, he drank almost until dawn with some friends on the Chicago White Sox, then had a domestic-violence incident with his wife, Rosangel. The Tigers put him in the lineup that night anyway. He went through some sort of treatment program in the off-season, came back with his “new man” promise, then had the best season of his career.

Here’s what I know about Cabrera. He’s awesome at baseball. He’s also human. He’s made some mistakes. He rebounded from his first mistake and had the best season I’ve ever personally seen out of a Tiger player. Then he screwed up. And now every hack sportswriter and their brother is talking about the man like they’re an expert on alcoholism.

Oh, and he has funny hair sometimes.  That, too.

At some point — maybe this week, maybe last season — he apparently had a relapse. Perhaps he told himself he had righted himself personally and revived his career, so it was OK to start drinking again. He would not be the first alcoholic to lie to himself that way.

Here’s what might have happened. I have no way of knowing. Here’s what I think alcoholics do. I’m Michael Rosenberg. I pee sitting down.

The police report from Florida says a lot about Miguel Cabrera, alcoholic.

No, it says what an idiot did when he was loaded. You should’ve seen mine. It had stuff that didn’t even happen. Cops exaggerate sometimes, though I’m not suggesting that this particular Florida officer did. It’s just a fact that I’ve seen and/or heard about on multiple occasions. Many of my bar customers are police officers. You’d be amazed at how many of them drink and drive. And how many are racist. And how many lie in reports and laugh about it later...especially when they involve minorities.

Sadly, I work in a world that you people have no idea exists even though it’s on every other street corner in every major city. It’s called a bar.

This happens every day, just not to baseball players. Have you ever been in a bar, sir? People do stupid things when drunk. Doesn’t make them an alcoholic. I’m sounding like a broken record now, aren’t I? At least my tune makes sense.

A picture has emerged of a man who drinks to excess — who drinks just to drink, so he can keep drinking.

/cue ominous music

Your stepdad got drunk and used to beat you, didn’t he, Mike? It’s okay. I bet you deserved it, though.

The report also described him as “cocky,” “combative,” “argumentative” and “belligerent.” This is certainly not the only Miguel Cabrera we’ve seen around here.

Okay, that seals it. You’ve never seen a drunk person before in your life. That is EVERY drunk person.

I’ve seen a kindergarten teacher get drunk and show her breasts to complete strangers. I’m pretty sure that’s not the Miss Rottencrotch that the 5 year olds at Bumblepiss Elementary have seen.

I could go on for pages on things I've seen normal, nice people do under the influence. People do stupid things sometimes, drunk or not drunk. It’s a fact of life. Not every problem has a simple answer.

Cabrera is such a freakish talent that even at his thirstiest, he is one of the best hitters in baseball. In 2009, the year that ended with him in a treatment program, he hit .324 with 34 home runs.

Are you insinuating that Cabrera was drunk throughout the entire ’09 season now? That’s what it sounds like. And it’s ridiculous.

Tigers manager Jim Leyland cares deeply about his players, but he is also a results-first, everything-else-second kind of guy.

Yeah. Batting Clete Thomas third and Don Kelly leadoff multiple times has proven that. Sigh.

He needs to say, “My name is Miguel, and I’m an alcoholic.”

Why? What if he isn’t? Do you just want to feel better about it? Make it fit in a nice box? It’s black or white, right? God dammit.

Still, I saw those comments, and they made me wonder ...
Miguel, do you know who you are?
Do you know everything about your problems?
The answer to those questions will shape the rest of Miguel Cabrera’s career — and his life.

I read your comments and I wonder…
Michael, do you know what an ass you come off as in this piece?
Are you all-knowing and perfect?
The answer to those questions mean nothing to me. I don’t care. Just do me a favor. When you get done smelling your own sh-t and pretending it doesn’t stink, write an apology to Miguel Cabrera. You f-ck.

And now we move along…

Lynn Henning, come on down!

Has the alcoholism for which Miguel Cabrera was treated more than a year ago gripped him so severely that a magnificent baseball player's career, at age 27, is threatened by a disease so unrelenting?

Good gawd. Yes. His career is over. Your new starting first baseman, Don Kelly. Goodbye, Mig. This DUI means you must retire in shame.

Now, they understand what too many people come to know when a family member becomes a virtual hostage to a disease as merciless as alcoholism.

Holy sh-t. Suddenly, Cabrera is Nick Cage in “Leaving Las Vegas” to ‘ol Lynn. Sad to say, reading this crap is making me want to drink.

The Tigers have $154 million invested in Cabrera, not only because he is a hitter of such extraordinary talent, but because he had convinced them through his past decade in professional baseball that he was a foundational person.

Exactly. Dave Dombrowski, despite the contracts he gave to Bonderman, Willis, and Robertson, is not an idiot. I’m sure that after Cabrera’s 2009 incident, Dave and the higher-ups with the Tigers spoke to whoever was in charge of Miguel’s treatment. I was evaluated by a counselor after my incident and I’m sure Miguel was, too. If the experts thought that Cabrera was an alcoholic, the team would have made sure that steps were taken to prevent another incident would happen. They have too much invested to leave this out-of-control monster that you guys have created to pull a Donte Stallworth on someone. Cabrera did a very stupid thing on Wednesday night. This does not make him an animal.

Babe Ruth, Ty Cobb, and Mickey Mantle wouldn’t have lasted two weeks in baseball if they played nowadays. You guys are nuts.

James Schmehl from mLive, you’re next on the list.

Sandra Tillman, president and founder of A Sober Way Home in Prescott, Ariz., said Cabrera appears in need of a 90-day intensive treatment program.

Of course she does. Sista wants to get paid. In reality, she should be fired for malpractice. How can you make that assumption without ever meeting the person in question? She's in Arizona, for crying out loud. How'd you end up talking to her? Wait...I don't want to know.

Tony LaRussa got a DUI a couple years ago. Should he have been locked up for 90 days eating jello and watching reruns of “Little House on the Prairie”?

“Absolutely make him go into an inpatient program,” Tillman said. “I've been sober 22 years, and I've been doing this for 22. Regardless of his situation, get him into a 90-day program -- otherwise he's going to be chasing this for the rest of his life.”

Or maybe the man realizes that he screwed up and never does it again. Is it really that hard for people to see happening? He isn’t Charlie Sheen or Mel Gibson, for crissakes.  "Regardless of his situation"?  Are you fist f-cking me, lady? 

Dombrowski was right for suggesting substance abuse counseling sessions for Cabrera the first go-around, but to offer a similar treatment again would be a disservice to both the Tigers and Cabrera.

Cabrera could continue to deny his addiction, but extending an invitation for him to attend camp in Lakeland without offering proper treatment will only enhance the lie.

Addiction. Good gawd. Tiger Woods has sex addiction. Snoop Dogg has a weed addiction. You think Cabrera has an alcohol addiction because he’s got drunk twice in 1 ½ years.

Doesn’t anyone just f-ck, get high, or get loaded anymore? I hate society. George Carlin is spinning in his grave.

What would long-term treatment mean for Miguel Cabrera? Possibly the difference between life and death.

Jeebus. I hope he hits 75 homers this year and celebrates by downing a fifth of Jack at home plate. Have Inge drive him home…

Now we have Ryan Terpstra, also at mLive. No wonder I rarely go there.

Success can breed a feeling of invincibility. And, that feeling can make you fall back into old habits just as quickly as someone who is depressed.

My bad. DOCTOR Terpstra, who like Ms. Tillman, can diagnose problems without meeting patients or knowing details. That’s impressive hustle. Asshat.

It's obvious this guy has a serious problem.

Only to ignorant know-it-all cockwallets.

But then again, he has to want "to get clean".

I want to hear another voice of reason. Somewhere. Anywhere?  Like Rick Moranis in "Spaceballs", I'm surrounded by assholes.

Next we have Steve Kornacki from, you guessed it, mLive!

Cabrera certainly looked worth the investment after finishing second in American League Most Valuable Player Award voting in 2010, when he led the league with 126 RBIs while batting .328 and hitting 38 home runs.

But now you must wonder.

No I don’t wonder. He is the best hitter in the American League, possibly all of baseball. He has proven this over and over on the field. The man just had a bad night in February that affects the team in no way, other than making the media vultures swarm for their piece of flesh. If it happens again, I’ll be on your side.


Will he become another Doc Gooden or Darryl Strawberry and burn out after a brilliant beginning?


Cocaine is not alcohol. Jackoff.

I go back to Mantle and Ruth, perhaps the two most famous baseball players of all time. They are almost as famous for their drinking during their career as they are for their play. Does that make it right? No. I’m just saying…

There are so many questions to be answered.

Yeah, but not to you people.

Miguel Cabrera needs to answer to his family, his team, his God if he has one, and himself. That’s it.  Everyone else can get bent.

An open bottle of scotch found in his vehicle opened up a whole can of worms.

And vultures apparently LOVE worms.

More later, I’m sure...


Anonymous said...

After the first article was serious, I kinda saw and much waited for an old fashioned FJM beatdown of the idiots of the world!

Rogo-sahn, continue your battle against the bad sportswriters of the planet.

April in the D said...

This proves (again) that you are a genius! Keep it up.

Chuck said...

Another writer to take some shots at for the idiotic twitter post of the week....

ScottMCBSSports Scott Miller -
I don't say this often, but the Florida Marlins today look like geniuses. For trading Miguel Cabrera, long ago.

Ian Casselberry said...

"Addiction. Good gawd. Tiger Woods has sex addiction. Snoop Dogg has a weed addiction. You think Cabrera has an alcohol addiction because he’s got drunk twice in 1 ½ years."

Rogo, you're right when you say these sportswriters shouldn't make blanket judgments because they just don't know the entire story.

But you're pretty much doing the same thing here. We don't know that Cabrera's only gotten drunk twice in 17 months.

Rogo said...


That may be the dumbest thing I've seen so far. Good gawd.



But in our Deadspin gotcha culture that sports has become, you'd think a cellphone pic, a rumor, something would have come out by now. That's how Hamilton got caught in 2009.

All close to Cabrera that I've read comments from have stated that he's been sober this whole time to their knowledge.

But it's true. We don't know for sure.

Mac said...

I do not think that on any blog or any comment that has been posted, that in Miggy's home country, it would probably not have even been mentioned ... The local police would have spoken to him and then either driven him home or escorted him home ... Right or wrong that is the way it would have been ... I spent almost six months on an Island off the coast of Venezuela and it wasnever a criminal act to be driving with buddies in a Jeep S with a case of beer and a bottle of Zambuca ... We were never stopped ... Sometimes people just forget that they are not in their home Country ... Don't get me wrong, what we did on Margarita Island was wrong but their is a chance that Migs was so blasted that he just forgot where he was and acted as if he was home. You do not have to be an alcoholic if U drink to access once in awhile ... But in his state he should of had a desg. driver for sure ...

wilsonm24 said...

@ Ian

How many times in the last year and a half have you had a drink? How many times have you had one or more drinks to many? According to the talking heads if it is more than twice then you are an alcoholic and need to be committed for 90 days.