Thursday, January 20, 2011

Tiger Droppings: Yawn Edition

 Things more interesting than baseball’s offseason:

*Glenn Beck’s views on anything.
*The mating habits of the fruit fly.
*One of those shows on MTV where underage whores are pregnant.
*A Clippers/Grizzlies game.
*Did Brett Favre fart today?
*Anything with George Lopez.
*A preview of the Tiger season written by Jen Cosey of Old English D for (Ha, I kid. It’s actually a good piece by Magglio’s mistress. Check it out.)

So, yeah. Not a whole lot going on. But I’ll do what I can here. Hey…at least I still have my beloved Chicago Bears to root on! (Until Sunday…)

Let’s get the jump out of the way.


So we signed him and then DFA’d him. Dick move or good move? Truth is, I don’t care. Armando sucks and isn’t any better than any schmuck we end up calling up from Toledo if we need a spot starter. Yeah, he had THE GAME. But other than that, he hasn’t done anything other than get shelled the past couple years.

And quit getting misty-eyed about it. Armando will be fine. This doesn’t hurt us, either.  We might even get something in a trade. One game does not give him a pass for life. In the past ten years, Bud Smith, Hideo Nomo, Kevin Millwood, and Anibal Sanchez threw no-hitters. Know what they did afterwards? Zip.

Thanks for making ESPN pay attention to the Tigers for once, Mando. Good luck in Pittsburgh or wherever.

-Emergency Catcher That Makes Max St. Pierre Look Like Mike Piazza

Monday, my girlfriend and I split up. Tuesday, I got some horrible news about a family member. Wednesday, I found all of my CDs stolen from my car and got news that a 17 year old kid that works for me has cancer. I managed to go all day today without anything traumatic happening…then I get home, head over to Bless You Boys, and see this.

F-ck you, Detroit. I’m *this* close to becoming a Blue Jays fan. Don Kelly should be doused in kerosene, set on fire, and thrown off a cliff. Let Raburn catch if Avila gets an ouchie when VMart’s DHing.

-Mark Your Calandars To Watch Third Stringers Play

Detroit will be featured six times on TV this Spring! That must be a recent record. I loved it as a kid as it seemed like George Kell and Al Kaline were on the tube covering a bunch of the games. Nowadays, not so much.

ESPN will have them March 3rd at 1pm against the Braves and on March 29th against, sigh, the Yankees. Fox Detroit will have games on March 16th against St. Louis, March 22nd vs the Mets, March 24th against Washington, and March 27th against Houston. Hate to admit it, but I kinda miss Rod and Mario. Don’t tell anyone.


The Twins re-signed Jim Thome and Carl Pavano. F-ck. Luckily, they have jack and squat in the bullpen still.

-Always A Tiger Updates

Johnny Damon is still a free agent. Rumors have had the Yankees, Rays, Blue Jays and Angels connected to him. There seems to be plenty of interest in last year’s Tiger DH, but clubs are having trouble figuring out who is the bigger whore between Johnny’s agent, Scott Boras, and Johnny’s tramp wife. And with that, I will never make fun of Mrs. Damon again. I thank her and Johnny for their cooperation the past year.

DNR favorite Marcus Thames signed with the Dodgers. I seriously hoped that DD would somehow realize that Marcus offered the Tigers more off of the bench than any of his untalented Clete clones, but oh well. Kick ass in la la land, Marcus.

LA also signed former cheesecake calendar model Gabe Kapler to a minor league deal. I thought he retired ten years ago.

Village idiot Jeremy Bonderman is still looking for a job and has been in contact with Texas, St Louis, and the Yankees. If we end up re-signing him, and Don Kelly ends up catching him, my head will f-cking explode, I swear to Ra the Sun God.

Tim Byrdak is close to signing with the Mets. Tim was a bit wild, but a good lefty reliever. I hope he catches on again after being successful with the Astros.

-But, Plugs

Decent story here on Matt Anderson's return by Jerry Crasnick at espn.  Yes, the octopus was mentioned.  Everyone mentions it.  Dicks.

Ian Casselberry, as always, has a nice piece...this one on Armando's time in Detroit.  Again, I never really cared for the guy, I but I get why others did.  I just prefer players that don't suck.  And Josh Anderson.

JP of MCB covers the start of the Tigers Winter Caravan.  Being that I love in the Toledo area, I probably should have attended the thing yesterday.  But can you imagine Don Kelly and I in the same room?  Authorities would have to be called.  I kid...we've met before and Don's a great guy.  Just a terrible baseball player.

Good day, my friends.  Here's to hoping that my car doesn't blow up tomorrow.  It's been that kinda week.


Anonymous said...

Nate Robertson signed by the Mariners.

Anonymous said...

Good lord, did you really that week of awful news?