Friday, December 17, 2010

Tiger Droppings: Viva Team Venezuela Edition

Hey, party people. Hope your holiday season is going well. As for me, I consider this time of year the worst. It’s f-cking freezing outside. Traffic’s worse than normal. Any money I’ve managed to save up during the year is being spent on crap that people won’t appreciate. (I’m looking at you six-year old son!)  Seriously…Christmastime is the devil’s afterbirth.

/going to hell

Sorry I haven’t been around. So busy in Rogoland. But I’m not going to bore you with that. We’ve got a lot to cover in this edition of the Droppings. I’ll bore you with that, instead. Let’s quit wasting time.

There Are Now Officially More Venezuelans Working in Detroit Than Americans

He’s back.
"Whaddya mean only one year?"
My favorite Detroit Tiger ever (not named Higgy, Tram, or Gibby), Magglio Ordonez, re-signed with the team for one year, $10 million. Thank Allah for that one, otherwise we’d have been stuck with the enigma known as Brennan Boesch, or maybe Jose Guillen, in right field this year. Scary thought.

This sets up the 2011 Tiger lineup as follows:

1.  Austin Jackson, CF
2.  Sizemore/Guillen/Tinkerbell, 2B
3.  Magglio Ordonez, RF
4.  Miguel Cabrera, 1B
5.  Victor Martinez, DH
6.  Ryan Raburn/Boesch, LF
7.  Jhonny Peralta, SS
8.  Brandon Inge, 3B
9.  Alex Avila, C

Not bad…I’ve definitely lived through worse with this team. I’d still like to see them add another hitter to come off the bench and DH when V-Mart attempts to catch. I understand that it would violate Dave Dombrowski’s “only one black guy on the team” rule, but I’d really like to see Marcus Thames back in the D.

But this is about Magglio. He reportedly turned down a multi-year deal from at least one other team (eff you, Texas) to stay in the D. He said he chose to come back to Detroit due to his relationship with the Tigers front office, team owner Mike Ilitch, and his familiarity with the city. I’m sure the presence of fifty of his countrymen on the team didn’t hurt, either. He also said that he would like to finish his career as a Tiger and that 2011 will not be his last season. Magglio’s been amazing in his tenure with us and it’s awesome that we get at least one more season of The Tilde in Detroit. I’m looking forward to it.

The pitching rotation is still a mess though…but we'll get to that and more after the jump.

Seeking Anyone Not Named Nate Robertson

After the “Big Two” of Justin Verlander and Max Scherxer, the Tiger starting rotation looks similar to what I expect it would look like if a gorilla walked into Comerica Park, took a dump on the pitcher’s mound, and then proceeded to throw up on it. We don’t know which Rick Porcello is going to show up this year. Armando Galarraga is awful, except for that one time. And Phil Coke belongs where we need him…the bullpen. We need AT LEAST one more starter if this team plans on competing with the Twins and White Sox in 2011.

Recently, the Tigers have been said to be interested in Brad Penny. Penny turns 33 in May and has been nothing more than an injured sack of dog crap since 2007. He pitched okay for the Cardinals last year (3.23 ERA in 55.2 IP) before, surprise, he got an owie in his shoulder and missed the rest of the year.

The Tigers were said to also have been interested in ex-Blue Jay ace, Shawn Marcum, but he’s been shipped off to Milwaukee for this douchebag, second base prospect Brett Lawrie.

Come on…we couldn’t do better than that? Poor hustle, Mr. Dombrowski.

Who else is out there on the free agent market, you ask? Look it up yourself, asshats. Sigh. Fine…

Brian Bannister (sucks)
Jeremy Bonderman (nooooooooooooooooo!)
Bruce Chen (sucks…but Asian…that’s fun for this blog!)
Kevin Millwood (washed up)
Carl Pavano (only good against us…and expensive)
Nate Robertson (hahahahaha…)
Brian Moehler (he’s still alive?)
Jarrod Washburn (noticing a pattern here?)
Andy Pettitte (Yanks will dump $10M at him)
Ben Sheets (hurt more than Zoom)

Yeah, there’s some others. But nothing attractive that we can afford. I’m on board with those that say we should be doing anything we can to get Joe Blanton from Philly. With the addition of Cliff Lee, the Phillies don’t need Blanton anymore. He’s been successful in the AL in the past and I think he would be great as our #4 starter. Let Armando hold down the five spot and send Cokehead back to the pen where he belongs and is valuable to us. See how it goes.

Dombrowski’s crazy, though. You never know what he’ll pull out of his ass. Word is the ChiSox might be wanting to get rid of Edwin Jackson…I’d love EJax to come back to town. And other reports say that Zach Greinke’s list of teams he can block a trade to does not include the Tigers. Hmmm…I’d let Oliver or Turner walk to get the Zach Attack.

Whatever. Just get us someone. Just not Brad Penny.

Always A Tiger Updates

-Edgar Renteria remains a free agent as he felt the Giants showed him a “lack of respect” by only offering him a one-year, $1 million contract. Edgar, look. In your 15 year career, you’ve had in OPS+ of over 100 exactly four times, and none since 2007. You suck on defense. You got lucky in the World Series. Eat sh-t and die.

Renteria would prefer to finish his career in Florida or St. Louis, reports say. Good luck with that. Speaking of the Cards…

-Gerald Laird signed a one-year, $1 million contract with St. Louis to back up whatever Molina is their starter. G-Money has no self-respect, so that $1 million is sweet with him. I’ve heard his grandfather is upset with the deal though since St. Louis has no NBA franchise. Tough luck, Papa Laird.

-Adam Everett signed a minor league deal with the Cleveland Indians. His hair, though, remains major league in every way possible.

-Alfredo Figaro was sold by the Tigers to the Orix Buffaloes of Japan. But who’s going to start for us down the stretch this year if we’re in the playoff hunt?!? Crap…I hate Jim Leyland.

-Andrew Miller signed a minor league deal with the Boston Red Sox. What a waste of space this kid turned out to be. Still better than Nate, though.

-Finally, our old friend Gary Sheffield says there’s interest between him and the Tampa Bay Rays. Hilariously, Rays manager Joe Maddon responded by saying that the Rays only have limited interest in the former Tiger crazy person. I, for one, hope that Sheff finds a job this year. Since the Tigers are still technically paying him for another decade or so, I’d like to see him earn it by costing other teams in the AL some wins.

But, Plugs

-Ian takes a look at the Magglio signing over at Big League Stew.  Ian's such a sell-out.  (not really)

-Congrats to Lee Panas of Tiger Tales.  His book "Beyond Batting Average" made Baseball America's list of the top ten baseball books of 2010.  Lee's a good guy and a friend of the blog, so please go buy it.  He would have finished in the top five if he had written about the Yanks or the Sawx, I'm sure.

-Jen of Old English D has finally stopped sending me suicidal texts since Maggs re-signed with the Tigers.  Here she gushes about her boyfriend returning to the D.  Make fun of her.

-Tinkerbell has his own website now.  Check it out here.  I make fun of the 'lil stinker, but Rhymes is a great guy and I hope he does well for us.  All the same, please don't let him find out that this blog exists.

Have a nice day, my minions. I’ll try to be back before Christmas with this year’s Holiday Shopping Guide. Here’s a look at last year’s, if you missed it.


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