Thursday, December 9, 2010

Another Visit With the Great One From the East


Ladies and gentlemen, it is once again time for a visit from the great stranger from the East. He is the seer of all seers and Jose Valverde’s personal dance coach…I give you Rogo-nac, the Tremendous!

/Rogo-nac enters and trips on the stage.

Are you okay, oh great sage?

Wonderful, you twit. Let’s do this before I decide to quit the blog again.

Of course, good sir. I hold in my hand a pile of envelopes. A child of four can see that they are hermetically sealed and have been kept hidden within a stack of “Don Kelly’s Greatest Moments” DVDs, where no one would possibly look for them. We now ask you, oh great Rogo-nac, to use your divine powers to give the answer before opening the envelope and reading the question. Are you ready?

I guess so.

Hermetically sealed…

Yes.

Within a stick of “Don Kelly’s Greatest Moments” DVDs.

Where no sane man would look. Please, give me the first envelope.

Ladies and gentlemen, the first envelope!

Rogo-nac must have complete silence.

Most times, Rogo-nac receives nothing but complete silence.

May Phil Coke be your team’s secret weapon in the rotation.

Ho, ho, ho…

/puts envelope to forehead

Bambi and a free agent’s reaction when Detroit makes an offer.

/rip…poof

Name a fawn and a yawn.

Haha…no non-Venezuelans are dumb enough to come here, sir. Haha…

/puts envelope to forehead

2011

2011…

/rip…poof

How many times has Carlos Guillen gotten hurt since coming to Detroit?

Hooo…the walking wounded. Yes, sir.  Haha...

/puts envelope to forehead

Donald, an Egyption king, and Johnny Damon’s wife.

Oh no…not her again…

/rip…poof

Name a duck, Tut, and a slut.

Hoho…you never stop with that poor woman.

May your current #3 hitter be named “Casper”.

Yikes. Next one, sir.

/puts envelope to forehead

Tomas Holmstrom and Jeremy Bonderman.

Holmstrom and Bonderman…

/rip…poof

Name a hockey player and a hockey puck.

Hohoho…let’s pray Bondo’s finally gone, Great One.

/puts envelope to forehead

A Klan meeting, the Republican party, and the Detroit Tigers roster.

/rip…poof

Name three places you’re not likely to see many black folks.

Hi-yooooooooooo! So tasteless, Mighty One!

May your friends constantly make fun of your girlfriend’s age.

What?

Never mind. Moving along…

Continued after the jump...if you dare.
 

/puts envelope to forehead

Roids.

Roids, he says. Yes.

/rip…poof

Who did Fu-Te Ni say was the owner of the McClendon jersey?

Hohoho…Lloyd’s! Again with the cheap racist jokes, Rogo-nac…

May a fellow blogger cry every day to you about Magglio possibly leaving.

May your votes not be counted in the DIBS balloting.

May other GMs make fun of your free agent signings.

Enough, Great One. I apologize. Next envelope, please.

/puts envelope to forehead

Tiny Bubbles.

Tiny…bubbles.

/rip…poof

What does Will Rhymes make in the bathtub?

Haha…he is a wee one, sir. But so scrappy!

/puts envelope to forehead

Al Alburquerque.

Yes.

/rip…poof

Where did the stuttering man tell the cabbie to take him in New Mexico?

Hoho…terrible, sir. Terrible.

May Ryan Raburn be your best defensive corner outfielder.

May new readers that find you through Bless You Boys take you seriously.

/puts envelope to forehead

Gibson, suites on the road, and Gary Sheffield.

Gibby, suites, and Sheff. Yes, sir.

/rip…poof

Name a Kirk, a perk, and a jerk.

Ha! Yes! Sheff…so hated. And still looking for a team. Hoho…

/puts envelope to forehead

Supercalifragilisticexpialodocious and a Lloyd McClendon scouting report.

Hoho…okay.

/rip…poof

Name two things that have no meaning whatsoever.

Hahahaha…poor Lloyd. Can’t believe he didn’t get the Seattle job…

May articles on Bleacher Report get more positive feedback than your work. Next…

/puts envelope to forehead

Executive action.

Executive…action.

/rip…poof

What does Dave Dombrowski look for in a singles bar?

Hi-yoooo….that hound! Heh heh…

/puts envelope to forehead

A 90 degree afternoon.

A 90 degree day…yes.

/rip…poof

Name something you’re more likely to see in Detroit this month than Carl Pavano or Cliff Lee.

Hahahaha…we still believe, sir. We still believe. Just a couple left, Great One…

/puts envelope to forehead

WKRP in Cincinnati.

WKRP in Cincinnati…yes.

/rip…poof

Where will Jim Leyland be working if the Tigers fall apart again in 2011?

Hoho…he’s about out of time, isn’t he, sir? Haha…

/puts envelope to forehead

Adolph Hitler and Osama bin Laden.

Uh oh…be careful…

/rip…poof

Name two people more likable than Scott Boras.

Hooooo, hahaha…indeed, sir! Indeed! He’s as popular as you are, sir.

May Ben Roethlisberger meet your sister at a bar.

Hoho…yikes. Okay, Tremendous One, I hold in my hands the LAST ENVELOPE!

(audience roars)

Thank goodness.

May the president of the Brandon Inge fan club sit on you.

May Mark Schlereth be the only celebrity to show up at your team’s stadium this year.

May Jim Leyland give you a vote of confidence.

Please, sir!

May Will Rhymes call you names on Twitter.

The final envelope, sir!

/puts envelope to forehead

Cheetah, Muhammad Ali, and a Tiger fan.

Hoho…

/rip…poof

Name a chimp, a champ, and a chump.

HOHOHOHOHOHO…yes! Thank you, Rogo-nac, the Tremendous! Have a wonderful holiday, oh great one!

2 comments:

Lisa said...

a stack of "Don Kelly's Greatest Moments" DVDs.....PRICELESS!!!

Lisa said...

a stack of "Don Kelly's Greatest Moments" DVDs.....PRICELESS!!!