Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Silly Pictures Are Fun

I bring some light-hearted fun to you today.  It's the least I can do to reward you for putting up with my Brett Favre-ish nonsense around here.  (No, I'm not sending you pictures of my schlong.)  Here's a few pictures from around the web that I've had sitting on my laptop and haven't had a chance to use in any productive way.  I hope they make you smile in a horrible world where either Matt Treanor or Edgar Renteria is going to be a World Series champion soon.

First up...something that I'm sure all of us has at LEAST suspected for a while...
Not that there's anything wrong with that...

More after el jumpo...

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Everyone Pitches In and Gets Me Motivated

So, I was thinking of quitting the blog…again. Here’s whats happened since then, as I recall it.

Day One

OLD ENGLISH D JEN: As the resident Detroit Tiger Emo Fan Mistress of Sorrow, I COMMAND you to not give up your blog!

/stares at picture of Magglio…starts weeping

ROGO: Meh. Work is killing me. This season wiped me out. They re-signed Inge. A pretty girl talked to me out of pity and I, of course, thought that we were engaged. My mind just isn’t there. Sorry.

OED JEN: You can’t do this! You’re the greatest Tiger blogger in the world! What will we do without you?

/cuts self

ROGO: Meh…

Day Two

ALYSSA MILANO: Rogo, you need to start writing. Your genius work just makes me so…excited. How about I call my good friend Jennie Finch up, we pick up some whipped cream, and we head over to your place and l…

/wakes up

ROGO: Damn. Guess I’ll see what’s on Redtube…

Day Three

JAMIE SAMUELSEN: C’mon, man. No one’s reading my crap anymore without you linking to it and making fun of every inane thing I say. Please come back?

ROGO: I’m busy. And I hate baseball. Get off my lawn.

JAMIE SAMUELSEN: Can I borrow some money for gas?

ROGO: Die of a rectal tumor…

Day Four

FAN LETTER #22: C’mon, dude. Come back. Make fun of Inge.

FAN LETTER #59: Who’s gonna call Don Kelly funny names now? Make me laugh!

FAN LETTER #255: You have won the Nigerian lotto! Just send us your bank info…


/watches Pawn Stars and mopes

Day Five

ROGO: Hmm…Jayson Werth looks homeless. Or like Edge from WWE. Or like the guy that plays Shaggy in the Scooby Doo movies. Buffy was in those, too. Buffy’s hot.

/drools for ten minutes

ROGO: Maybe I could write something funny about him. Ugh…I can’t keep quitting and starting up again. And my time is so precious…

/loud banging on door

ROGO: Who the hell could that be?

/door flies open

Thursday, October 21, 2010

And...I'm Done...Again...For Now?

The Tigers signed Brandon Inge to a two-year extension, with a team option on a third.  I hate baseball.

I can't even watch the playoffs.  The Giants, Phillies, Yankees, and Rangers are full of ex-Tigers.  It's depressing.

I need a break from this.  Thanks for reading and your support the past two years.  Maybe I'll be back in a while.  I hate to keep crying "wolf" on this, but isn't as easy as you may think it is to maintain a thing like this on your own and try and have a productive life at the same time.

And as always, Don Kelly can tongue-jack my sh-tbox.  I hope he falls into a pit of meth-addicted cobras in the off-season.

Take care...

Thursday, October 14, 2010

Making The Grade: 2010 Tigers Position Players

Yeah, it’s that time. The season’s over and Your Party Host, in his infinite wisdom, is here to provide his grades on everyone that took the field for your Detroit Tigers in 2010. As always, I remain fair and balanced. My grades are based on a complicated formula taking into account a player’s stats, the impact they had on the team, expectations I had for the player, and how tall the player is. (Just kidding, Will Rhymes!) Also, no “incompletes” for anyone. The season’s are their grades.

We’ll start with position players and then move on to the pitching staff later on this week. I’ll try to keep things brief since 41 guys in total saw time for the Tigers this year. That’s a lot of mostly interchangeable, below average white guys, Mr. Dombrowski. We expect better in 2011.

Let’s rock.

Sunday, October 10, 2010

Always A Tiger: End of 2010 Edition

Just because they’re wearing a different shirt doesn’t mean DNR has forgotten about them. Here’s the final simple stats on the ex-Tigers that I’ve managed to remember for the 2010 season.

Position, Player, Team: Avg, HR, RBI

C Ivan Rodriguez, Was: .266, 4, 49
C Matt Treanor, Tex: .211, 5, 27
C Brad Ausmus, LAD: .222, 0, 2
C Dane Sardinha, Phi: .205, 3, 8
C Mike Rivera, Fla: .000, 0, 0 (14 AB)
1B Aubrey Huff, SF: .290, 26, 86
1B Carlos Pena, TB: .196, 28, 84
1B Jeff Larish, Oak: .179, 2, 9
2B Omar Infante, Atl: .321, 8, 47
2B John McDonald, Tor: .250, 6, 23
3B Placido Polanco, Phi: .298, 6, 52
3B Mike Hessman, NYM: .127, 1, 6
SS Edgar Renteria, SF: .276, 3, 22
OF Cody Ross, SF: .269, 14, 65
OF Andres Torres, SF: .268, 16, 63
OF Curtis Granderson, NYY:  .247, 24, 67
OF Cameron Maybin, Fla:  .234, 8, 28
OF Matt Joyce, TB: .241, 10, 40
OF Marcus Thames, NYY: .288, 12, 33
OF Gabe Kapler, TB: .210, 2, 14
OF Matt Stairs, SD: .232, 6, 16
OF Frank Catalanotto, NYM: .160, 0, 1
OF Brent Clevlen, Atl: .250, 0, 0 (4 AB)

Starter/Relief Pitcher, Team: Win-Loss, ERA

SP Colby Lewis, Tex: 12-13, 3.72
SP Freddy Garcia, CWS: 12-6, 4.64
SP Edwin Jackson, Arz/CWS: 10-12, 4.48
SP Jair Jurrjens, Atl: 7-6, 4.64
SP Nate Robertson, Fla/Phi: 6-8, 5.96
SP Luke French, Sea: 5-7, 4.83
SP Brian Moehler, Hou: 1-4, 4.92
SP Andrew Miller, Fla: 1-5, 8.54
SP Dontrelle Willis, SF: 1-1, 6.85
RP Brandon Lyon, Hou: 6-6, 3.12
RP Francisco Cordero, Cin: 6-5 (40 SV), 3.84
RP Chad Durbin, Phi: 4-1, 3.80
RP Fernando Rodney, LAA: 4-3 (14 SV), 4.24 (7 blown saves)
RP Kyle Farnsworth, KC/Atl: 3-2, 3.37
RP Jeff Weaver, LAD: 5-1, 6.09
RP Tim Byrdak, Hou: 2-2, 3.49
RP Trevor Miller, StL: 0-1, 4.00
RP Denny Bautista, SF: 2-0, 3.74
RP Wilfredo Ledezma, Pit: 0-3, 6.86
RP Clay Rapada, Tex: 0-0, 4.00
RP Romon Colon, KC: 0-0, 18.00 (2 IP)
RP Juan Rincon, Col: 0-0 4.50 (2 IP)

Just a couple things:

-San Francisco made the playoffs putting our garbage on the field. Wouldn’t it be nice to play in the NL for just one season? (Lincecum, Cain, Sanchez, Zito, Wilson…I know. Blow me.)

-You think Florida might be thinking they could have made a better deal for Miguel Cabrera right about now?

-23 ex-Tigers played on teams that made the playoffs. Sigh.

-Carlos Pena hit under .200 and hit 28 homers. That’s awesome. The spirit of Rob Deer lives on. But give Carlos credit…he, at least, can draw a walk.

-Andres Torres…who knew? Didn’t see that one coming.

-I hope Sardinha gets AIDS.

-Finally, the number one question I have for this offseason: WHO SIGNS NATE?

/prays it’s the White Sox

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Quick Picks: 2010 MLB Playoffs

I have much to say about the 2010 Detroit Tigers season, but am quite pressed for time this week between my workload at my job and my drama-filled personal life.  So for now, I offer you my uneducated half-assed predictions on the MLB Playoffs.

Texas over Tampa, 3 games to 2.
New York over Minnesota, 3 games to 1.

Philadelphia over Cincinnati, 3 games to 1.
San Francisco over Atlanta, 3 games to 0.

New York over Texas, 4 games to 1.

Philadelphia over San Francisco, 4 games to 1.

World Series
Philadelphia over New York, 4 games to 2.

Congrats to Placido Polanco and company.  Keep in mind, I'm an idiot, so expect Atlanta to sweep the Rays in the actual Series.

Good day.

Friday, October 1, 2010

Get Off Jim Leyland's Back

Quick post for this weekend, since my output this week has been much more than my normal lazy updating practices that you’ve no doubt become used to and love.

I’ve touched on the recent articles lately calling the 2010 Tigers season a “failure” and how I think it’s a silly statement. And today, on the scourge that is known as sports talk radio, someone called in complaining about Jim Leyland and the coaching staff being retained for the 2011 season and how ridiculous it is. He was calling Leyland a failure and pointed toward the ’10 season as an example of such.

For the ten thousandth time, I’m not a huge Leyland supporter. But I think he’s done a masterful job this season with the cards he had been dealt. Between the rookies, ineffective veterans he was stuck with, and bad luck, the Tigers were doomed to fail no matter whom was in charge this year.

And throughout it all, the team spent 16 days in first place, was 11 games over .500 at one point, rallied from being 5 games under .500 at another point, went 52-29 at home, and had a winning record in the AL Central for the first time in what seems like forever.

You really want to blame someone? Blame the disgusting beast known as the “injury bug”. Take a look back at our Opening Day lineup.

Austin Jackson, CF: Rookie. Stayed healthy and exceeded expectations.

Johnny Damon, LF: Veteran. Battled injuries. Played slightly below expectations.

Magglio Ordonez, RF: #3 hitter lost after July 24th due to ankle explosion.

Miguel Cabrera, 1B: MVP numbers until ankle failure at end of season.

Carlos Guillen, DH: Brittle as a 90 year old. 3 DL stints.

Brandon Inge, 3B: Weaker than normal power #’s, DL for broken hand.

Gerald Laird, C: Inability to hit Will Rhymes’ weight. Hurt at end of season.

Scott Sizemore, 2B: Rookie. Wasn’t fully recovered from 2009 injury. Spent most of year in minors.

Adam Everett, SS: Hit less than Laird. Released on June 6th. May be dead…

Add in minor league stints and/or injuries to Bobby Seay, Joel Zumaya, Rick Porcello, Max Scherzer, Zach Miner, Jose Valverde, Ryan Perry, Phil Coke, Fu-Te Ni, Danny Worth, and Clete Thomas and I just can’t see how so many people can continue to fault Leyland for this year’s results.

Last year, yeah, I wanted his head on a stick after the final week of the season leading up to Game 163. But this year? Quit giving the man grief. Give him the pat on the back that he deserves. He managed his ass off in 2010.

Seeya in a few…

The Free Press is Trying to Give Me Brain Cancer

Exactly what is it that the Free Press looks for when publishing a writer’s work? Do they encourage prospective authors to have the ramblings of a mental patient? Is it now required that the writers of each piece know jack and squat about professional baseball? Is it top priority that the people writing pieces for the Freep have opinions that are the complete opposite of sane logic?

Apparently so. It’s a reader submitted column from a guy named Aaron Traugh. Keep in mind that the Detroit Free Press has apparently felt that this article was good enough for them to feature on their website.  If anyone has access to the editor, please do us all a favor and beat him/her to death with a tire iron.

Here we go again, kids, after the jump.