Sunday, August 22, 2010

Reminder To All: Will Rhymes Sucks

During  today’s four-for-five performance, I received texts from a couple of people about Will Rhymes (pictured above on the far left).  “He’s trying to win you over.”  “Your boy doesn’t look too bad, haha.”  In fact, since his recall from Toledo after Carlos Guillen’s latest boo boo, Will “The Thrill” has gone eight-for-seventeen for the Tigers.  I even conceded that he might not be as bad as I thought in one text.
Then, I remembered that we were playing the Indians, perhaps the only team in the American League featuring more border line major leaguers than Detroit.  I remembered that Cleveland has had guys pitching this series that even Don Kelly has been feasting on.  And I remembered that I’m not a f-cking moron.  Nice try, though.
Will Rhymes has had 72 major league plate appearances.  Small sample size, I know (pun intended).  But in those plate appearances, he has an OBP of .314, an OPS of .663, an OPS+ of 78 (100 is average), a WAR of -0.1, and 4 walks.  Wait…four walks?  The guy has a strike zone the size of a Hot Pocket and has only drawn four walks?  And this is the guy that every Tiger message board poster and psycho-Inge-fan wants to be our second baseman now?  Am I the only Tiger fan in the world that cares about winning baseball games?
He’s not a horrible baseball player.  But he’ll be 27 by Opening Day in 2011.  He is below average and is not going to improve.  And what of Scott Sizemore?  Remember him?  The guy that hit .308 last year between AA and AAA with 17 homers, a .389 OBP, and .889 OPS?  The guy that struggled with the big club early in 2010, but has responded back in AAA by hitting .293 with 8 homers and an .837 OPS?  Why are we dealing with a guy smaller than the bat boy slap-hitting and needlessly bunting balls around instead of getting a look at our real future second baseman?
And for the love of everything that is holy, good, and not EVER describe Will Rhymes to me ever again as scrappy, gutsy, gritty, pesky, a sparkplug, a throwback, a hustler, a grinder, a gamer, a guy that’s 155 pounds (most of it heart), a guy that does the little things, a guy that gets the most out of the least, a guy with moxie, or a guy with spunk.  If you do, I will throw back my gritty spunk in your face after reading Hustler.
To me, he’s another in a long line of light-hitting, white, cookie-cutter, mediocre AAAA players that Dave Dombrowski keeps cloning and sending up to the big club in an attempt to drive me crazy. 
Except from now on, I will be referring to this one as Tinkerbell.  Ha.
Sigh.  I miss Magglio.  I can't even enjoy wins anymore.


rea said...

155 pounds, most of it heart? The man needs to see a good cardiologist, ASAP!

Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...

Rhymes is an awesome second baseman and an asset to the Tigers baseball. He came in helped us out was sent back and then recalled again. He did a wonderful job for the Tigers who I love dearly. I hope that Dave keeps him on as a second baseman. I know you say you are playing and you don't mean to offend but you must not be a true Tigers fan or you would be grateful for what he has done for us and not knock him down. I say poo on you and go knock on the Yankees or Jeter the cheater! Now that is something to talk about and discard. He shouldn't even be allowed to play ball after what he did last year and his coach is a menace to the young children who look up to the baseball players as idols. That move was ridiculous and nauseating. Can't stand Jeter or the cheating Yankees...get on base however you can, what are we gonna start carrying a gun in our uniform now and if you can't get on base by playing ball you will shoot your way there? Just asking...that is what our children are what you have to do to get on first base. SICK.