Friday, May 21, 2010

Who's My Tiger?

So, the kids over at Bless You Boys had a poll up the other day asking the question, “Who’s your Tiger?” As of this writing, there were 979 votes cast. Here’s the top five.

1. Justin Verlander: 23%
2. Miguel Cabrera: 17%
3. Brandon Inge: 15%
4. Brennan Boesch: 11%
5. Magglio Ordonez: 9%

The only other guys above 2% were Austin Jackson with 6% of the vote and Joel Zumaya with 4%. That’s all fine and well, but what does this have to do with anything over here at DesigNate Robertson?

It pisses me off, that’s what. JV and Cabrera, I get. Inge has a popularity that I will never understand as long as I live. My beef is the lack of respect for the man I voted for, Magglio Ordonez.

I mean, what does he have to do to get some love? He’s in his sixth season as a Tiger and all he’s done over that time is hit .320/.383/.493 and an OPS+ of 128. He’s hit 95 homers, 167 doubles, and drove in 468 runs. Oh yeah, he also hit a little home run in the 2006 ALCS that you may remember (or may not) that sent the Tigers to their first World Series since 1984. He’s never been a problem in the locker room. He’s nice to fans and can often be spotted chatting with them in right field. And who could forget the hair?

But yeah, Boesch and his 85 career plate appearances is the more popular player. Is it because Magglio is Venezualan? Is it because he’s getting older? Is it because people are caught up in the Boesch-A-Mania that will most likely be non-existent two months from now? Does he make too much money?

I don’t know. But I still love you, Maggs. You had me at “Hola”.

You had me at “Hola”. (learn Spanish, jerks)

Okay, enough crying. For poops and giggles, I decided to rank the rest of the Tiger 40 man roster from my most favorite Tiger down to my least favorite. Keep in mind, #4-#35 on this list tends to change by the hour. Here we go.

1. Magglio Ordonez
See above.

2. Justin Verlander
JV is the master and the ruler of the world.

3. Miguel Cabrera

4. Austin Jackson
Yes, the kid has grown on me very quickly. Curtis Granderson? Never heard of him.

5. Johnny Damon
Hate on him all you want. He is the most professional hitter on the team and was the perfect replacement for Polanco in the #2 slot.

6. Joel Zumaya
I’m so glad to see Zoom back in form this year. Chicks dig the heater; guess I do, too. Plus he jumped into me in the crowd celebrating after Magglio’s ’06 homer and we formed a bond.

7. Rick Porcello
Kid Rick is going to form one hell of a duo with JV over the years for us as soon as he can find himself an out pitch to compliment his sinker.

8. Ryan Perry
Coolest tattoos on the team. Granted, that’s not saying much.

9. Jose Valverde
Dance, fatty. Dance. And keep kicking ass.

10. Ramon Santiago
The little Tiger that could. Amazing since I hated him so much when he and Omar Infante first came up.

11. Ryan Raburn
I know. But he’s like the special needs kid on the team. I can’t help but root for him.

12. Brennan Boesch
Take a pitch, son. You remind me too much of Randall Simon. Like the early production, though.

13. Phil Coke
He’s like Nate Robertson, except with talent.

14. Fu-Te Ni
Made in Taiwan, but hopefully has found a home in the D.

15. Max Scherzer
The only guy I’ve been wrong about this year. Hopefully his time in Toledo helps him to figure things out. Still the coolest eyes ever on a human being.

16. Carlos Guillen
I’ve just never been much of a Guillen fan. Probably because of his ability to get hurt while checking his watch.

17. Adam Everett
Best hair on the list. At least until Jeff Larish finds his way back onto the 40 man roster.

18. Jeremy Bonderman
Would be ten spots higher if he was able to learn a changeup.

19. Alex Avila
Has potential and Daddy’s backing. Plus has amusing facial hair growing ability.

20. Bobby Seay
May never pitch for us again. Did a fine job, though.

21. Dontrelle Willis
Classy guy. Still rooting for him to overcome being nuts.

22. Eddie Bonine
Learned a knuckler and got himself out of my bottom five. Eddie’s growing on me.

23. Jacob Turner
Haven’t seen him pitch yet. But I’m enjoying what I hear.

24. Brandon Inge
Sigh. I do love his glove. Hate everything else.

25. Daniel Schlereth
Like Turner, I can’t wait to see what he’s got. Can’t stand his old man, though.

26. Ryan Strieby
Trade bait. The new Mike Hessman?

27. Scott Sizemore
Like Scherzer, I hope he can figure things out in T-Town. His glove is worse than I thought it would be, too.

28. Zach Miner
My feelings change on Zach every time I see him pitch. Probably because he looks like the dentist elf from “Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer”.

29. Armando Galarraga
Scary looking lesbians frighten me.

30. Gerald Laird
My patience is about to run out with G-Lard.

31. Wilkin Ramirez
Needs to cut down on the K’s.

32. Casper Wells
Need to see more of him to have a better opinion.

33. Jay Sborz

34. Brad Thomas
Sorry, Dave. Still don’t understand this one.

35. Danny Worth
Still Worth-less. Prove me wrong, kid.

36. Audy Ciriaco
Has done nothing to offend me. Yet.

37. Brent Dlugach
Our minor league infielders have annoying names.

38. Clete Thomas
Should be taken to the vet and put to sleep.

39. Alfredo Figaro
Fernando Rodney’s cousin. Enough said.

40. Don Kelly

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