Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Drunk Questions For Jim Leyland

Next Wednesday, January 20th, the Toledo Mud Hens are hosting their annual Fandemonium in my hometown of Toledo, OH. For $20, you get to eat a, no doubt, top notch buffet dinner, and at your table will be a member of the Toledo Walleye hockey team or a member of the Tigers/Hens. The baseball guys that'll be there? Jim Leyland, Gene Lamont, Scott Sizemore, Jeff Larish, Eddie Bonine, and Don Kelly. Wow.

I considered going, but A) I work, and B) I don't want to end up sitting with some toothless minor league hockey player. The part I would be interested in is a Q & A with Leyland and company that they're having. Sadly, they're only having that from 7-7:30pm. That is hardly enough time for me to get drunk and ask the fifteen questions that would no doubt start spewing out of my mouth as my friends egg me on and laugh at me.

If you end up going, feel free to steal any of these. Just let me know what Jim's response was.

1. Are you planning on hitting Clete Thomas third a lot this year, like you did last year? I only ask so I can stab myself in the temple with a f’ing butcher knife and save myself the misery of watching.

2. Do you think you could use another lefty out of the bullpen, or will a baker’s dozen of them enough?

3. Remember when you had black guys on the team? Did that scare you or something?

4. Any insight on which Tiger will have the most disappointing season? I only ask so I can tell my San Francisco Giants fan friend whom he can expect the team to sign in 2011.

5. Which name is funniest to listen to Fu-Te Ni pronounce? Justin Velrandel, Calros Guirren, or Miguer Cablela?

6. Do you ever catch Nate Robertson looking at his bank statement and giggling like a drunk nineteen year old girl?

7. Since you and Tony LaRussa are so close and alike, when exactly can we expect Barry Bonds to be named the Tigers’ hitting coach?

8. Any chance that on April 1st you guys are going to announce that the Granderson trade was the most elaborate April Fools joke ever? I only ask because the only two people that seem to like the deal are me and Lynn Henning and that makes me more nervous than George W. Bush vacationing in New Orleans.

9. So…who did Timo Perez piss off to get deported? No room for him…really? And Don Kelly gets a spot? No offense, Don...

10. Why no love for Dusty Ryan last year? He didn’t do anything wrong! It was Sardinha, Jim! Sardinha!!! I’m sorry!

11. Less funny: Carlos Mencia telling jokes or Brandon Inge swinging at a curveball?

12. Rick Ankiel is still out there. Any chance Dave signs him to help tutor Dontrelle on how to play the outfield?

13. Will Lloyd McClendon be awake for any of the games this season?

14. More different colors? Max Scherzer’s eyes or your lungs?

15. If I keep asking smart-ass questions, the Laird brothers aren’t going to beat me to death, are they?

Better yet, kids...come up with your own. Jim seems like a guy with a good sense of humor. Like the time he started Alfredo Figaro in the most important game of the season at that point? Harf harf...


Anonymous said...

it is NOT funny to make joke of someone's accent.

Julie said...

Question 16: DD, why can't you buy a decent looking suit?

Anonymous said...

It is Racist to make joke of someone's accent.