Hey, kids. Do you have trouble trying to come up with the perfect gift for friends and family during the holidays? I know I usually do. So, this year, your good pal and Party Host has done the research for you to find that special present for the difficult Tiger fan on your list. Here's 15 items that I've tracked down on the glorious internet and who you can buy them for. Thank me later...
1. Your White Trash Uncle
$9.99 from amazon.com. Just try and tell me that your dad's classy brother that you don't like to talk about won't look his best when he's gittin' 'er done at NASCAR races and Steeler games in this beauty.
2. Your White Trash Aunt
$13.99 from amazon.com. And if you buy for him, you have to buy for his 80's hair having wife, too! She'll be the belle of the trailer park ball in this bad boy.
3. Your Niece That Cuts Herself
$9.99 from detroitathletic.com. If she's going to wallow in dispair and watch "New Moon" over and over at the theater, let her go in style with this piece of headwear that never fails to bring painful memories back of Tiger pitchers incapable of making simple Little League plays in the 2006 World Series. But will she be Team Zumaya or Team Verlander?
4. Your Visiting Friends From Chicago
$4.99 from detroitathletic.com. Idea submitted by Miguel Cabrera. Harf, harf, Cabrera jokes...I could write for the Freep.
5. Your Drug Dealer
$25.97 at shop.mlb.com. Does your drug dealer wear ugly hats? All of mine do! And this was the ugliest hat I could find online.
6. Fat Person
$63.50 for the 3X size (which is the most probable size for anyone that would like this) at detroitathletic.com. Only fat people and Samoans wear Hawaiian shirts. And all Samoans are fat. It's a scientific fact.
7. Your Mistress
$7.99 at amazon.com. I suppose you could buy your wife this thong, but where's the fun in that? Right, Tiger? Oh, I forgot. Only small ones are left in stock. That most likely leaves her out if she's an Inge fan.
$44.99 at amazon.com Every family has a pathetic loser in it. Get this Bobby Higginson street sign for him to go over his stupid Higgy bobbleheads that he still stares at every day. Wait a minute...
Never mind. Moving along...
9. The Dog
$29.99 at detroitathletic.com. For the record, I think anyone that dresses their dogs up in clothing should immediately be drowned in the closest river, but I've been wrong before. I am the guy that thought Josh Anderson was going to become the next Rickey Henderson as a Tiger in '09.
$18.99 at amazon.com. Only Grandma would like this creepy Tigers garden gnome. Then again, Grandma always appreciated whatever ugly pictures you drew for her as a child, too. Nice lady, that Grandma.
11. The Underachiever Of Your Family/Group of Friends
$99.99 at detroitathletic.com. If Clete's .240/.324/.385 line does it for you, you may BE the underachiever of your family or group of friends!
12. Person You Hate
$9.99 at amazon.com. Get stuck with someone you don't like in your gift exchange at work? Buy this for them...just to see the look on their face! Please take a picture, too, and send it to me.
13. Your Douchebag Cousin
$15.95 at amazon.com. Ever see anyone in a visor that WASN'T a douchebag? Didn't think so.
14. Redneck Neighbor
$16.99 at amazon.com. Rednecks love belt buckles. Good luck getting him to replace his Jim Beam one with this, though.
15. Your Ex
$209.99 at shop.mlb.com. Please, baby! Come back! I promise I won't take you for granted again! Please!