Monday, September 21, 2009

Things I Would Rather Do Than Watch Another Metrodome Series

Goodbye, Metrodome. After Our Hero's clutch 5 inning performance put us back up 3 games over the Twins, we are officially done visiting that wretched stadium for good. (Unless there ends up being a 1 game playoff...shuddup) So, now that we can all breathe a bit once again, here's a list of things that I would rather do than watch our boys play another series in Minnesota's dump of a dome. Enjoy.

-Compliment AJ Pierzinski.

-Buy a Fernando Rodney jersey.

-Get a really boss tattoo of my kid's name on my forearm.

-Be Joel Zumaya's designated driver.

-Join Clete's Cult.

-Take hitting lessons from Lloyd McClendon.

-Be Drew Sharp's publicist.

-Touch whatever masses they cut off of Nate's arm.

-Be a scalper at a Lions game.

-Tell Justin Verlander knock-knock jokes on days where he's the starting pitcher.

-Be in charge of moderating Bless You Boys for a month. How Ian does it without snapping, I'll never know.

-Spend 24 hours in a windowless room with Jim Leyland and a carton of Reds.

-Be the Mud Hens 1st baseman waiting for a call up to the show.

-Eat the 3.6 million Hot 'n' Ready pizzas that Mike Ilitch is going to have to sell to pay Magglio next year.

-Have my boss have the confidence in me that Jim Leyland has in Dusty Ryan.

-Attend a Jonas Brothers concert.

-Play Guitar hero with Joel Zumaya.

-Shave Alex Avila before every game.

-Be in charge of styling Ryan Field's hair for a week.

-Trade Jair Jurrjens for a broken hat rack. (oops, already did)

-Compliment Joe Crede.

-Play fantasy baseball against someone starting Luke Scott when the O's have a four game set against Detroit.

-Move to Vermont to teach spoiled and/or troubled kids. (haw)

-Give the "eat em up Tigers, eat em up" guy a sponge bath.

-Replace Rod and Mario with Joe Buck and Tim McCarver for a month. (shudders)

-Talk politics with Magglio Ordonez.

-See Bobby Jenks naked.

-Purchase all of the marked down Renteria crap still clogging up half of the Tigers Shop at Comerica.

-Go through life being made of glass (cough, Guillen/Bondo/Nate/Zoom, cough).

-Change my facial hair every three days to whatever Nate has going on.

-Compliment Ozzie Guillen.

-Listen to an iPod filled with nothing but the Good Luck Joe's greatest hits. "April...April in the D."

-Be Joel Zumaya's wingman.

Rest in peace, Metrodome. Good riddance.

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