Thursday, August 20, 2009

Random Acts of Nonsense

I'm bored. We won today. What else is going on in Tigerland?

*It's been a while since I checked in on The Human Money Pit, Nate Robertson. In three starts at Toledo, Our Hero has gone 7.1 innings pitched with a 1.77 WHIP. But, hey...he has struck out 8. Give him a raise, Double D!

*Speaking of the Tigers wasting money, Gary Sheffield is causing drama in New York. Shocker. He apparently asked the Mets for an extension and was denied, to no one's surprise except for Sheff. Now, he is unhappy. The Mets placed him on waivers and he was actually claimed by someone. (Probably those dicks in Chicago.) The Mets pulled him back off of waivers and are now unable to trade him. This year, Gary's hitting .286 with 10 homers and 43 RBI's in 248 at bats with a .846 OPS. I remain the only Detroit Tiger fan in the universe that still wishes Gary's presence was in the Tigers' lineup somewhere.

*And our other highest profile ex-Tiger, Pudge Rodriguez, was traded to the Rangers just as his incentives were about to kick in under his deal with the Astros. Brilliant move on their part to save money. Magglio Ordonez had no comment on the issue.

*The Orioles claimed Chris Lambert off of waivers from the Tigers today. No one noticed or cared.

*Rookie catcher, Alex Avila, who is off to a Wieters-like start (if Wieters had good numbers) has his genitilia stroked (figuratively) by Detroit News writer, Lynn Henning. Henning says "Avila has a streamlined swing and a great eye." This is despite Avila having struck out in 1/3 of his official at bats so far and only three walks. Look...I'm loving what I've seen so far out of the kid, especially when comparing the pop in his bat to that of Gerald Laird. But he's only had 21 at bats coming into today. When the inevitable slump comes, don't be shocked. Instead, admire how he can grow a full beard within six innings. It's the most amazing thing I've ever seen in sports.

*Personal story. There's a new girl at my work. She sees my Tigers hat and asks if I like Brandon Inge. I say no. She looks sad. I ask her if she has a tattoo on her lower back. She says yes. I die a little inside. True story.

*WTF is up with Curtis Granderson? In his last three games alone, Grandy is 0-12 with 7 strikeouts. He was given today and tomorrow off by The Marlboro Man since lefties were/are the opposing starters. Curtis is on pace for 145 strikeouts this season...not what we need in the leadoff spot. We're screwed if the table setter doesn't start hitting. No silly joke here as I really am worried about the only Tiger loved by everyone. (including me)

*Finally...sigh...I feel that I must give a hearty congrats to this guy.

Leader of the Cult of Mediocracy, Clete Thomas, had a great 8 pitch at bat resulting in a walk off single against the Mariners today. Thomas, who despite his .242 Avg, .329 OBP, and .735 OPS, keeps getting at bats in the Tigers lineup and keeps getting raves from deranged Tigers fans everywhere I go. I guess there are things in this world that I will never understand. But, Clete, I thank you. Good job. Your reward for your heroics?

Rape. Your biggest fan, The Marlboro Man himself, appears to have given you the loving embrace that only his wife and the RJ Reynolds Tobacco Company have had the pleasure of receiving in the past. Well done. Now enjoy your shower as the water and tears blend together and you try to keep the sobbing noises down.

Eat 'em up 'em up.


Anonymous said...

I haven't read your blog much (yet), but I was curious what Tigers you are a fan of.

Rogo said...


I'm a fan of them all...except for Fernando Rodney and Clete Thomas, I guess.

Don't take my poking fun at the team as anything more than that. There's enough "serious" blogs out there. I'm just trying to have some fun.

Magglio, Granderson, Verlander, and Jackson are my four favs on the current team, though, since you asked.

Thanks for checking it out.

John Parent said...

Not to be a dick, Rogo, but Marlboros are made by Philip Morris, not RJ Reynolds (the tobacco company, not the former Pirate outfielder).

Rogo said...


You're a dick.

But thanks for the correction. I smoked for 12 years. You'd think I'd know better.

Anonymous said...

No problem, mang. You've got a good thing going on.