Kudos to Kurt from Mack Avenue Tigers on getting 20+ of us to take time away from our mother's basement to reunite the Detroit Independent Baseball Scribes (DIBS). With so many Tigers blogs out there now, it seemed like a good idea to get us all together on a project.
What's the point of DIBS? Just another voice, I guess. It's an opportunity to hear from the nontraditional media on subjects. And Kurt put out four catagories for us to vote on. We each wrote our votes down on paper, sealed them in manila envelopes, and drove them to the parking garage of a seedy hotel in the greater Detroit area where a midget named "Screwball" was kind enough to collect them from us. Nice fellow, that Screwball. He thought Jen Cosey was cute. Anyhoo, the catagories and winners?
Tiger Hitter of the Year: Miguel Cabrera
Tiger Pitcher of the Year: Justin Verlander
Breakout Player of the Year: Rick Porcello
Most Improved Player: Justin Verlander
No surprises there, methinks. Those were the guys that my first place votes went to.
Your DIBS contributers...
Bless You Boys -- Ian Casselberry
Daily Fungo -- Mike McClary
DesigNate Robertson -- Your Party Host
Detroit4Lyfe -- Bob Biscigliano
Detroit Tigers Den -- Austin Drake
Detroit Tigers Weblog -- Bill Ferris
Eye of the Tigers -- J. Ellet Lambie
Fire Jim Leyland -- Mike Rogers
It's Just Sports -- Patrick Hayes
Jamie Samuelsen's Blog (Freep.com) -- Jamie Samuelsen
Mack Avenue Tigers -- Kurt Mensching
The Cutoff Man (MLive.com) -- James Schmehl and Scott Warheit
Old English D -- Jennifer Cosey
Roar of the Tigers -- Samara Pearlstein
Spot Starters -- Blake VandeBunte
Take 75 North -- Matt Wallace
Tigers Amateur Analysis -- Erin Saelzler
Tigerblog -- Brian Borawski
Tiger Geist -- John Brunn
Tiger Tales -- Lee Panas
Tiger Tracks -- John Parent
Where Have You Gone, Johnny Grubb? -- Greg Eno
Yikes. Does this mean I'm not allowed to make fun of Jamie Samuelsen anymore when I'm having a bad day?
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Friday, November 13, 2009
Know Your American League Fans
As an overall group, I think Tiger fans are pretty cool people. Think about it. On what other team could you have tens of millions locked up on useless ballplayers like Nate Robertson, Dontrelle Willis, and Jeremy Bonderman...thus causing the team to not be able to resign good players like Placido Polanco and maybe Brandon Lyon...and the early rumors of the offseason are that the team may unload one or more of the most popular players on the team in Curtis Granderson, Brandon Inge, and Edwin Jackson because they're bleeding money?
Just as sure as the was the longest run-on sentence I've ever typed, in damn near any other city, people would be calling for the GM's head on a platter. He screwed up by giving huge deals to guys that didn't deserve them...and the team is now screwed. But Tiger fans that I've spoken to are taking it in stride. Fans elsewhere would be freaking out. If it were New York or Boston, it would be a heavily debated topic on ESPN. But in Detroit? Not so much. Amazing. Is that cool after all? I dunno.
In all, I think Tiger fans don't expect much. It's been 25 years since Detroit won a World Series. The teams have been pretty much terrible since then with a couple notable exceptions. ('87, '06, '09?) Tiger fans take it on the chin and move on. Truth be told, there's more important things than sports to worry about in Detroit. But what are the characteristics of other AL teams' fans? I thought I'd take a quick look at that with this post.
Boston Red Sox
-Racist and homophobic
-Have at least one kid named Tom, Brady, or Nomar
-Thinks JD Drew would be a superstar if he'd just play more like WelKAH does for the Pats!
-Complains about the Yankee payroll when the Sawx are always second in payroll, dwarfing #3
-Since 2004 have done the impossible in becoming more annoying than Yankee fans
New York Yankees
-Probably also fans of the Lakers, Cowboys, USC, and Duke
-Will talk to you about "True Yankees" like Scott Brosius and Paul O'Neill while not being to explain what a "true" Yankee is
-Feel entitled to the World Series trophy every year...and will constantly mention that they have won 27 championships
-Insist that Derek Jeter is the greatest shortstop ever...meanwhile, if he played on any other team, he would be Michael Young
-Are probably Italian...or very hairy in some way
Toronto Blue Jays
-Say funny things like "aboot", "looney", and "hoser"
-Usually polite until they get drunk--Canadian beer has a higher alcohol proof than our American beers
-Think Joe Carter belongs in the Hall of Fame because Mitch Williams hung a pitch in 1994
-Love Bryan Adams
-Think Roy Halladay should play left wing for the Leafs in the offseason
Baltimore Orioles
-Believe that Peter Angelos is Satan (wrong...David Stern is)
-Lay claim to Babe Ruth since he was born there...silly folks
-Think Nick Markakis would be a superstar in another market (sigh)
-80% of fans couldn't tell you the O's manager on any given day
-Believe that baseball was "saved" because their broken down shortstop was hurting the team by not taking a day off
Tampa Bay Rays
-All over the age of 59 years old
-Freak out over the word "Devil" for some reason
-Would attend more games, but are usually in bed by the 7pm starting times
-Wish the grandkids would call more often
-Enjoy Ensure, "60 Minutes", and Jay Leno's "edgy" brand of humor
Chicago White Sox
-Think Ozzie Guillen is a rational human being
-Also own Bulls and Raiders Starter caps/coats
-Cannot be trusted...they cheer for AJ Pierzynski, for crissakes
-Fatter than Cecil Fielder on a month long ice cream binge
-Have no soul
Minnesota Twins
-Think sideburns are dreamy
-For most, the first black man they ever saw in person was Kirby Puckett
-Would be more interested if Brett Favre were somehow involved
-Children think baseball should naturally be played on concrete, surrounded by garbage bags
-Males usually pee sitting down
Cleveland Indians
-Haven't been sober since Pat Tabler was on the team
-Best fans at throwing "Goodbye" parties since every athlete leaves town whenever they prove they are any good (Manny, Thome, Sabathia, Lee, Blake, Belle, soon to be Lebron, etc)
-Believe that "Major League" was a documentary
-Have a group called "Grady's Ladies" who are much like Brandon Inge's female fans, except that they're usually under 200 lbs.
-Think that racist logos are funny
Kansas City Royals
-Forced to get excited by signings of failures from other crappy teams
-Feel inferior to Cardinals fans who are a stone's throw away rubbing their futility in their faces
-Hate the smell of pine tar
-Think fountains are pretty
-Still bitter after being promised that Alex Gordon was the next George Brett
Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim
-Indecisive...can't figure out where their team is located
-Will tell you that rally monkey tastes like chicken
-Feel superior to Dodger fans because they leave games in the bottom of the 7th inning instead of the top of the 7th
-Actually miss Darin Erstad and David Eckstein's "scrappiness", even though they were terrible at baseball
-Own stock in Disney
Oakland Athletics
-Too poor to live in San Francisco
-Think steroids aren't a big deal--I believe they used to be sold in vending machines at the stadium
-Would attend more games if they had cool, scary costumes to wear like Raider fans
-Still think that Billy Beane is a genius despite zero World Series appearances with him in charge
-Couldn't pick a single player on the team out of a police lineup
Seattle Mariners
-Most likely Asian
-Enjoys rain showers, flannel shirts, and heroin
-In extreme denial over Ken Griffey's current talent level
-Think that since they can throw a fish, they could play at a "Jay Buhner" level
-In a band...could be HUGE if they'd just get a break
Texas Rangers
-75% illegal aliens, 25% crooked Texas oil men
-Think that with Josh Hamilton's resume, he could be governor, owner of the team, or president
-Care more about high school football than the Rangers...despite not being in high school, having any kids in high school, or a high school diploma
-Would enjoy team more if they involved cocaine and prostitutes more like the Cowboys do
-Wear funny hats all the time
Be happy that you're a Tiger fan. You may not get to enjoy victory as much as others can, but at least you can look at yourself in the mirror every day and not see a terrible human being.
Just as sure as the was the longest run-on sentence I've ever typed, in damn near any other city, people would be calling for the GM's head on a platter. He screwed up by giving huge deals to guys that didn't deserve them...and the team is now screwed. But Tiger fans that I've spoken to are taking it in stride. Fans elsewhere would be freaking out. If it were New York or Boston, it would be a heavily debated topic on ESPN. But in Detroit? Not so much. Amazing. Is that cool after all? I dunno.
In all, I think Tiger fans don't expect much. It's been 25 years since Detroit won a World Series. The teams have been pretty much terrible since then with a couple notable exceptions. ('87, '06, '09?) Tiger fans take it on the chin and move on. Truth be told, there's more important things than sports to worry about in Detroit. But what are the characteristics of other AL teams' fans? I thought I'd take a quick look at that with this post.
Boston Red Sox
-Racist and homophobic
-Have at least one kid named Tom, Brady, or Nomar
-Thinks JD Drew would be a superstar if he'd just play more like WelKAH does for the Pats!
-Complains about the Yankee payroll when the Sawx are always second in payroll, dwarfing #3
-Since 2004 have done the impossible in becoming more annoying than Yankee fans
New York Yankees
-Probably also fans of the Lakers, Cowboys, USC, and Duke
-Will talk to you about "True Yankees" like Scott Brosius and Paul O'Neill while not being to explain what a "true" Yankee is
-Feel entitled to the World Series trophy every year...and will constantly mention that they have won 27 championships
-Insist that Derek Jeter is the greatest shortstop ever...meanwhile, if he played on any other team, he would be Michael Young
-Are probably Italian...or very hairy in some way
Toronto Blue Jays
-Say funny things like "aboot", "looney", and "hoser"
-Usually polite until they get drunk--Canadian beer has a higher alcohol proof than our American beers
-Think Joe Carter belongs in the Hall of Fame because Mitch Williams hung a pitch in 1994
-Love Bryan Adams
-Think Roy Halladay should play left wing for the Leafs in the offseason
Baltimore Orioles
-Believe that Peter Angelos is Satan (wrong...David Stern is)
-Lay claim to Babe Ruth since he was born there...silly folks
-Think Nick Markakis would be a superstar in another market (sigh)
-80% of fans couldn't tell you the O's manager on any given day
-Believe that baseball was "saved" because their broken down shortstop was hurting the team by not taking a day off
Tampa Bay Rays
-All over the age of 59 years old
-Freak out over the word "Devil" for some reason
-Would attend more games, but are usually in bed by the 7pm starting times
-Wish the grandkids would call more often
-Enjoy Ensure, "60 Minutes", and Jay Leno's "edgy" brand of humor
Chicago White Sox
-Think Ozzie Guillen is a rational human being
-Also own Bulls and Raiders Starter caps/coats
-Cannot be trusted...they cheer for AJ Pierzynski, for crissakes
-Fatter than Cecil Fielder on a month long ice cream binge
-Have no soul
Minnesota Twins
-Think sideburns are dreamy
-For most, the first black man they ever saw in person was Kirby Puckett
-Would be more interested if Brett Favre were somehow involved
-Children think baseball should naturally be played on concrete, surrounded by garbage bags
-Males usually pee sitting down
Cleveland Indians
-Haven't been sober since Pat Tabler was on the team
-Best fans at throwing "Goodbye" parties since every athlete leaves town whenever they prove they are any good (Manny, Thome, Sabathia, Lee, Blake, Belle, soon to be Lebron, etc)
-Believe that "Major League" was a documentary
-Have a group called "Grady's Ladies" who are much like Brandon Inge's female fans, except that they're usually under 200 lbs.
-Think that racist logos are funny
Kansas City Royals
-Forced to get excited by signings of failures from other crappy teams
-Feel inferior to Cardinals fans who are a stone's throw away rubbing their futility in their faces
-Hate the smell of pine tar
-Think fountains are pretty
-Still bitter after being promised that Alex Gordon was the next George Brett
Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim
-Indecisive...can't figure out where their team is located
-Will tell you that rally monkey tastes like chicken
-Feel superior to Dodger fans because they leave games in the bottom of the 7th inning instead of the top of the 7th
-Actually miss Darin Erstad and David Eckstein's "scrappiness", even though they were terrible at baseball
-Own stock in Disney
Oakland Athletics
-Too poor to live in San Francisco
-Think steroids aren't a big deal--I believe they used to be sold in vending machines at the stadium
-Would attend more games if they had cool, scary costumes to wear like Raider fans
-Still think that Billy Beane is a genius despite zero World Series appearances with him in charge
-Couldn't pick a single player on the team out of a police lineup
Seattle Mariners
-Most likely Asian
-Enjoys rain showers, flannel shirts, and heroin
-In extreme denial over Ken Griffey's current talent level
-Think that since they can throw a fish, they could play at a "Jay Buhner" level
-In a band...could be HUGE if they'd just get a break
Texas Rangers
-75% illegal aliens, 25% crooked Texas oil men
-Think that with Josh Hamilton's resume, he could be governor, owner of the team, or president
-Care more about high school football than the Rangers...despite not being in high school, having any kids in high school, or a high school diploma
-Would enjoy team more if they involved cocaine and prostitutes more like the Cowboys do
-Wear funny hats all the time
Be happy that you're a Tiger fan. You may not get to enjoy victory as much as others can, but at least you can look at yourself in the mirror every day and not see a terrible human being.
Friday, November 6, 2009
THE TEAM: Exit Interviews
(Two weeks ago in Dave Dombrowski's office...)
DAVE DOMBROWSKI: Well, Jim, I think having these exit interviews with the players this year was a great idea. We’ve had a chance to go over the positives and negatives from the season, as well as letting the players know what we expect them to work on in the offseason and into spring training. Where did you come up with this idea again?
JIM LEYLAND: (puffs cigarette) Iwasdrunk. (cough)
DOMBROWSKI: Yes, well, wherever the idea came from, I think it has gone splendidly. We only have a few players to go. (into intercom) Rachel, can you send in the next player, please?
(door opens)
CARLOS GUILLEN: (slides to chair, waits 30 seconds, sits in chair) Hey, guys. I think I just sprained my ankle…
DOMBROWSKI: Hello, Carlos. Funny you should mention that. Overall, we still think you are capable of being the kind of player that we are paying you to be. But what can we do to keep you healthy?
GUILLEN: Play me every day. And I don’t want to DH. And I want to play shortstop.
LEYLAND: (cough, cough) Jesusfuc…
DOMBROWSKI: Ahem! Carlos, how can we play you every day when you are constantly on the disabled list? We were actually thinking the opposite. Perhaps a couple days off a week, some extended DH time…things like that. We really need a full, healthy season out of you, especially with Placido, most likely, moving on.
GUILLEN: I want to play every day. I’m sick of changing positons. (raises finger) I want (finger snaps) OWW! (gritting teeth) I can’t perform well if I’m not in the lineup every day.
LEYLAND: Listen (cough) youdumbsonofabi…
DOMBROWSKI: Okay! Let’s make a deal, Carlos. You work on staying healthy and we’ll make a commitment, right now, to you being our everyday left fielder next season. Agreed?
GUILLEN: Si. Gracias.
(leaves)
(trips and falls in hallway)
LEYLAND: (lights cigarette) Areyououttayour (hack) frigginmind?
DOMBROWSKI: I just want the players to leave these meetings on a positive note, Jim. (into intercom) Rachel! Next player, please!
(door opens)
JUSTIN VERLANDER: (glares menacingly at Leyland and Dombrowski)
DOMBROWSKI: Hey, Justin. Thanks for coming in. Great season, by the way. I’m sure we’ll have no trouble coming together on a deal and avoiding arbitration this year. Don’t you agree?
VERLANDER: (glares straight ahead)
DOMBROWSKI: Um, yeah. Now one concern we have is your pitch counts. We need to work on making you more efficient. We can’t keep having you approaching 100 pitches in the sixth inning every night. Can we agree on that?
VERLANDER: (begins sharpening knives)
LEYLAND: (cough) GreatjobJustin. You’re (hack) excused.
(Verlander leaves saying nothing. Stares at Rachel for five minutes while sharpening knives on way out.)
LEYLAND: Youtryingtogetuskilled? (cough)
DOMBROWSKI: Sorry. We need to get him some help. (into intercom) Rachel! Next player, please.
(door opens)
DUSTY RYAN: Hey, guys. Thanks for having me in.
(uncomfortable silence)
LEYLAND: (cough) Whothehellareyou?
DOMBROWSKI: Hey (looks at notecard) Dusty? Okay. Um, we have big plans for you in the future. Keep up the good work. That’s it! See you in Lakeland this spring!
RYAN: Um…thanks. (leaves)
DOMBROWSKI: (shrugs shoulders) (into intercom) Rachel.. Call security on whoever that was. And please send in the next guy.
(door opens)
CURTIS GRANDERSON: Good day, gentlemen! I brought some wine for the two of you.
DOMBROWSKI: There he is! Mr. Franchise!
GRANDERSON: Don’t you mean Mr. Marvin Miller Man of the Year? Say that five times fast, ha, ha. But seriously. It feels great to be recognized for all I do, but I just like the feeling of helping people. Do you know the progress that we’ve made in my Grand Kids charity? The kids we have helped? Not to mention, the hospital visits I do, the charity basketball games, all sorts of stuff! I may be just one man, but I’m enjoying the heck out of making a difference for everyone I can come into contact with!
LEYLAND: (cough) Exceptus.
GRANDERSON: What was that, Skip?
DOMBROWSKI: Well, Curtis, what Jim’s trying to say is that your game seemed to suffer this year and we’d like to see you concentrate a bit more on baseball in 2010 than your side projects.
GRANDERSON: But I hit 30 home runs this year.
LEYLAND: (hack) Andyouhitforjacksquatotherwise. Whoyouthinkyouare? BarryBonds?
DOMBROWSKI: Curtis, we love the player that you are, but what happened to the guy that hit line drives all over the park? Mr. 20/20/20/20? That’s the guy we want being the face of the Tigers!
GRANDERSON: Guys, I’d love to sit and talk to you about this, but I’ve got a charity auction to get to in a half hour. Then tomorrow, there’s this Make-A-Wish dinner. Then, I’ve got union talks to get into. After that…
LEYLAND: Getouttahere.
GRANDERSON: Gotcha, Skip. Have a GRAND offseason, guys! Ha, ha, ha. (leaves)
LEYLAND: Hemakesmesick. (cough) Howmanymorearethere?
DOMBROWSKI: Sigh. Just two guys to go. (into intercom) Rachel? Is our next person ready?
(door opens)
FU-TE NI: Herro, Mistel Domblowski! Herro, Mistel Reyrand. How wonderfur to be hel with you.
DOMBROWSKI: Hello, Mr. Ni. Great to see you. We just wanted to tell you what a fabulous surprise we found you to be this year. Not only did you do more than a quality job out of the bullpen for us, but your impressions are hilarious!
NI: Sank you, Mistel Domblowski. Tly this one. (curls lip and sings) Don’t be cluer. To heart that tlue. I don wan no otha rove! Baby it you I think oooooooof! Sank you velly much!
LEYLAND: (opens mouth) (cigarette drops into lap)
DOMBROWSKI: Great Elvis impression, Fu. You really are too much. Anyways, keep in shape this offseason. We’re expecting your role to expand even more next year. See you this spring.
NI: Sank you. It’s been honol to pray basebarr in Detloit. Ter me, Mistel Domblowski…is Lacherr singer?
DOMBROWSKI: Who?
NI: Lacherr. The leceptionist.
DOMBROWSKI: Oh. I’m sorry, Fu. I believe that she is engaged.
NI: Oh. That is tellibre. Anothel night with plostitute fol Fu. See you ratel. (leaves)
LEYLAND: What (cough) thehelldidhesaythatwholetime?
DOMBROWSKI: You’re one to talk, Jim, quite frankly. (into intercom) Rachel? Is our last meeting here?
(door opens)
(bed is wheeled in by a nurse)
BRANDON INGE: (fighting back tears) Hey.
DOMBROWSKI: Holy hell, Brandon! You okay?
INGE: Great. Never better. I’ll be ready to hit the field whenever you need me. (sobs quietly)
DOMBROWSKI: Brandon, you were a true inspiration this year. You played in 161 games despite being hurt. But I’m worried that maybe you were hurting the team more than helping at times. Next year, if you’re in pain, we’re going to give you some time off.
LEYLAND: Likehellwewill! Gimmiemysmokes! (Inge's nurse hands over a carton of Reds)
DOMBROWSKI: Jim, you have him running errands for you in his condition?
LEYLAND: Helovesit. Shuddup.
INGE: It’s okay, Dave. Ow…I’m happy to do it for my Skipper.
DOMBROWSKI: Brandon, it was a hell of a season. I mean, you started out so great! You were killing the ball! Then out of nowhere, your knees just went on you. I don’t get what could have happen…
(door flies open)
GARY SHEFFIELD: Brendon! You no good piece of sh-t! Where’s Sheff’s sh-t? I know you got into Sheff’s sh-t!
DOMBROWSKI: Gary? What are you doing here?
SHEFFIELD: Sheff was pissed when you punks dropped his ass. I took off…left some of my, um, supplements behind. Brendon’s locker was next to Sheff’s. I know this punk bitch took my sh-t! You owe me money, sucka!
INGE: Um…
SHEFFIELD: You ain’t foolin’ no one, Brendon! Power goes up. Knees break down. Sheff knows the drill. You either give me my sh-t or give me my duckets, Brendon!
DOMBROWSKI: (into intercom) Rachel, please get security up here again!
SHEFFIELD: That’s it. Sheff’s gonna kill all you punk bitches! Unless you want to talk deal, Dave. How’s four years, forty million sound?
DOMBROWSKI: Well, um…
(door flies open)
GUARD: Someone call for a security guard?
DOMBROWSKI: (facepalm)
LEYLAND: ShootmefirstGary. (cough)
DAVE DOMBROWSKI: Well, Jim, I think having these exit interviews with the players this year was a great idea. We’ve had a chance to go over the positives and negatives from the season, as well as letting the players know what we expect them to work on in the offseason and into spring training. Where did you come up with this idea again?
JIM LEYLAND: (puffs cigarette) Iwasdrunk. (cough)
DOMBROWSKI: Yes, well, wherever the idea came from, I think it has gone splendidly. We only have a few players to go. (into intercom) Rachel, can you send in the next player, please?
(door opens)
CARLOS GUILLEN: (slides to chair, waits 30 seconds, sits in chair) Hey, guys. I think I just sprained my ankle…
DOMBROWSKI: Hello, Carlos. Funny you should mention that. Overall, we still think you are capable of being the kind of player that we are paying you to be. But what can we do to keep you healthy?
GUILLEN: Play me every day. And I don’t want to DH. And I want to play shortstop.
LEYLAND: (cough, cough) Jesusfuc…
DOMBROWSKI: Ahem! Carlos, how can we play you every day when you are constantly on the disabled list? We were actually thinking the opposite. Perhaps a couple days off a week, some extended DH time…things like that. We really need a full, healthy season out of you, especially with Placido, most likely, moving on.
GUILLEN: I want to play every day. I’m sick of changing positons. (raises finger) I want (finger snaps) OWW! (gritting teeth) I can’t perform well if I’m not in the lineup every day.
LEYLAND: Listen (cough) youdumbsonofabi…
DOMBROWSKI: Okay! Let’s make a deal, Carlos. You work on staying healthy and we’ll make a commitment, right now, to you being our everyday left fielder next season. Agreed?
GUILLEN: Si. Gracias.
(leaves)
(trips and falls in hallway)
LEYLAND: (lights cigarette) Areyououttayour (hack) frigginmind?
DOMBROWSKI: I just want the players to leave these meetings on a positive note, Jim. (into intercom) Rachel! Next player, please!
(door opens)
JUSTIN VERLANDER: (glares menacingly at Leyland and Dombrowski)
DOMBROWSKI: Hey, Justin. Thanks for coming in. Great season, by the way. I’m sure we’ll have no trouble coming together on a deal and avoiding arbitration this year. Don’t you agree?
VERLANDER: (glares straight ahead)
DOMBROWSKI: Um, yeah. Now one concern we have is your pitch counts. We need to work on making you more efficient. We can’t keep having you approaching 100 pitches in the sixth inning every night. Can we agree on that?
VERLANDER: (begins sharpening knives)
LEYLAND: (cough) GreatjobJustin. You’re (hack) excused.
(Verlander leaves saying nothing. Stares at Rachel for five minutes while sharpening knives on way out.)
LEYLAND: Youtryingtogetuskilled? (cough)
DOMBROWSKI: Sorry. We need to get him some help. (into intercom) Rachel! Next player, please.
(door opens)
DUSTY RYAN: Hey, guys. Thanks for having me in.
(uncomfortable silence)
LEYLAND: (cough) Whothehellareyou?
DOMBROWSKI: Hey (looks at notecard) Dusty? Okay. Um, we have big plans for you in the future. Keep up the good work. That’s it! See you in Lakeland this spring!
RYAN: Um…thanks. (leaves)
DOMBROWSKI: (shrugs shoulders) (into intercom) Rachel.. Call security on whoever that was. And please send in the next guy.
(door opens)
CURTIS GRANDERSON: Good day, gentlemen! I brought some wine for the two of you.
DOMBROWSKI: There he is! Mr. Franchise!
GRANDERSON: Don’t you mean Mr. Marvin Miller Man of the Year? Say that five times fast, ha, ha. But seriously. It feels great to be recognized for all I do, but I just like the feeling of helping people. Do you know the progress that we’ve made in my Grand Kids charity? The kids we have helped? Not to mention, the hospital visits I do, the charity basketball games, all sorts of stuff! I may be just one man, but I’m enjoying the heck out of making a difference for everyone I can come into contact with!
LEYLAND: (cough) Exceptus.
GRANDERSON: What was that, Skip?
DOMBROWSKI: Well, Curtis, what Jim’s trying to say is that your game seemed to suffer this year and we’d like to see you concentrate a bit more on baseball in 2010 than your side projects.
GRANDERSON: But I hit 30 home runs this year.
LEYLAND: (hack) Andyouhitforjacksquatotherwise. Whoyouthinkyouare? BarryBonds?
DOMBROWSKI: Curtis, we love the player that you are, but what happened to the guy that hit line drives all over the park? Mr. 20/20/20/20? That’s the guy we want being the face of the Tigers!
GRANDERSON: Guys, I’d love to sit and talk to you about this, but I’ve got a charity auction to get to in a half hour. Then tomorrow, there’s this Make-A-Wish dinner. Then, I’ve got union talks to get into. After that…
LEYLAND: Getouttahere.
GRANDERSON: Gotcha, Skip. Have a GRAND offseason, guys! Ha, ha, ha. (leaves)
LEYLAND: Hemakesmesick. (cough) Howmanymorearethere?
DOMBROWSKI: Sigh. Just two guys to go. (into intercom) Rachel? Is our next person ready?
(door opens)
FU-TE NI: Herro, Mistel Domblowski! Herro, Mistel Reyrand. How wonderfur to be hel with you.
DOMBROWSKI: Hello, Mr. Ni. Great to see you. We just wanted to tell you what a fabulous surprise we found you to be this year. Not only did you do more than a quality job out of the bullpen for us, but your impressions are hilarious!
NI: Sank you, Mistel Domblowski. Tly this one. (curls lip and sings) Don’t be cluer. To heart that tlue. I don wan no otha rove! Baby it you I think oooooooof! Sank you velly much!
LEYLAND: (opens mouth) (cigarette drops into lap)
DOMBROWSKI: Great Elvis impression, Fu. You really are too much. Anyways, keep in shape this offseason. We’re expecting your role to expand even more next year. See you this spring.
NI: Sank you. It’s been honol to pray basebarr in Detloit. Ter me, Mistel Domblowski…is Lacherr singer?
DOMBROWSKI: Who?
NI: Lacherr. The leceptionist.
DOMBROWSKI: Oh. I’m sorry, Fu. I believe that she is engaged.
NI: Oh. That is tellibre. Anothel night with plostitute fol Fu. See you ratel. (leaves)
LEYLAND: What (cough) thehelldidhesaythatwholetime?
DOMBROWSKI: You’re one to talk, Jim, quite frankly. (into intercom) Rachel? Is our last meeting here?
(door opens)
(bed is wheeled in by a nurse)
BRANDON INGE: (fighting back tears) Hey.
DOMBROWSKI: Holy hell, Brandon! You okay?
INGE: Great. Never better. I’ll be ready to hit the field whenever you need me. (sobs quietly)
DOMBROWSKI: Brandon, you were a true inspiration this year. You played in 161 games despite being hurt. But I’m worried that maybe you were hurting the team more than helping at times. Next year, if you’re in pain, we’re going to give you some time off.
LEYLAND: Likehellwewill! Gimmiemysmokes! (Inge's nurse hands over a carton of Reds)
DOMBROWSKI: Jim, you have him running errands for you in his condition?
LEYLAND: Helovesit. Shuddup.
INGE: It’s okay, Dave. Ow…I’m happy to do it for my Skipper.
DOMBROWSKI: Brandon, it was a hell of a season. I mean, you started out so great! You were killing the ball! Then out of nowhere, your knees just went on you. I don’t get what could have happen…
(door flies open)
GARY SHEFFIELD: Brendon! You no good piece of sh-t! Where’s Sheff’s sh-t? I know you got into Sheff’s sh-t!
DOMBROWSKI: Gary? What are you doing here?
SHEFFIELD: Sheff was pissed when you punks dropped his ass. I took off…left some of my, um, supplements behind. Brendon’s locker was next to Sheff’s. I know this punk bitch took my sh-t! You owe me money, sucka!
INGE: Um…
SHEFFIELD: You ain’t foolin’ no one, Brendon! Power goes up. Knees break down. Sheff knows the drill. You either give me my sh-t or give me my duckets, Brendon!
DOMBROWSKI: (into intercom) Rachel, please get security up here again!
SHEFFIELD: That’s it. Sheff’s gonna kill all you punk bitches! Unless you want to talk deal, Dave. How’s four years, forty million sound?
DOMBROWSKI: Well, um…
(door flies open)
GUARD: Someone call for a security guard?
DOMBROWSKI: (facepalm)
LEYLAND: ShootmefirstGary. (cough)
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
Who's Pitching? Good Sign or Bad Sign?
Last night, I was out having a few drinks with friends, and at one point when I wasn't saying rude things to loudmouth Yankee fans, I was talking to a guy about the Tigers season. He made a remark about whenever Justin Verlander was pitching, he was sure that we were going to have a good chance at winning.
Now, that's not exactly a bold statement, especially with the year that JV put together. But it got me to thinking...is it true? Could I turn on a game in progress and make a conclusion about the outcome based on who is pitching? Probably not, but I have nothing better to do with my time today.
Here's a look at the record of the Tigers this year in games when each pitcher took the mound.
Justin Verlander: 23-12
Edwin Jackson: 17-16
Rick Porcello: 18-13
Armando Galarraga: 10-19
Nate Robertson: 8-20
Dontrelle Willis: 2-5
Eddie Bonine: 5-5
Jarrod Washburn: 4-4
Luke French: 4-3
Alfredo Figaro: 2-3
Chris Lambert: 0-2
Zach Miner: 25-26
Brandon Lyon: 37-28
Fernando Rodney: 61-12
Bobby Seay: 51-16
Fu-Te Ni: 11-25
Ryan Perry: 22-31
Casey Fien: 1-8
Clay Rapada: 0-3
Joel Zumaya: 20-9
Freddy Dolsi: 1-5
Jeremy Bonderman: 3-5
Juan Rincon: 2-5
I admit, this doesn't tell us a whole lot. The closer is going to appear in mostly winning games (unless he's Brad Lidge). Edwin Jackson didn't get a lot of run support. And Zumaya really pitched in 20 winnings games?
It does, however, help to explain why I want to jab a red hot poker into my eyes every time Nate takes the mound.
Now, that's not exactly a bold statement, especially with the year that JV put together. But it got me to thinking...is it true? Could I turn on a game in progress and make a conclusion about the outcome based on who is pitching? Probably not, but I have nothing better to do with my time today.
Here's a look at the record of the Tigers this year in games when each pitcher took the mound.
Justin Verlander: 23-12
Edwin Jackson: 17-16
Rick Porcello: 18-13
Armando Galarraga: 10-19
Nate Robertson: 8-20
Dontrelle Willis: 2-5
Eddie Bonine: 5-5
Jarrod Washburn: 4-4
Luke French: 4-3
Alfredo Figaro: 2-3
Chris Lambert: 0-2
Zach Miner: 25-26
Brandon Lyon: 37-28
Fernando Rodney: 61-12
Bobby Seay: 51-16
Fu-Te Ni: 11-25
Ryan Perry: 22-31
Casey Fien: 1-8
Clay Rapada: 0-3
Joel Zumaya: 20-9
Freddy Dolsi: 1-5
Jeremy Bonderman: 3-5
Juan Rincon: 2-5
I admit, this doesn't tell us a whole lot. The closer is going to appear in mostly winning games (unless he's Brad Lidge). Edwin Jackson didn't get a lot of run support. And Zumaya really pitched in 20 winnings games?
It does, however, help to explain why I want to jab a red hot poker into my eyes every time Nate takes the mound.
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Giving The Freep's Jamie Samuelsen What He Loves
Just when I thought I was out of things to make fun of...here comes Jamie Samuelsen again.
From the Freep...
Oddly, Brandon Lyon is Tigers' top free agent to re-sign
Oddly, Samuelsen is still (I assume) paid to write about the Tigers.
The Tigers obviously don’t have a lot of money to spend, so which one of these four free agents is most necessary to re-sign: Placido Polanco, Fernando Rodney, Brandon Lyon or Adam Everett?
Dude, you already gave us your answer in the headline. But since you asked, I'm going with none of the above. None are necessary. But Lyon and Polanco would be cool with me. Especially, Polanco.
Welcome to the portion of the blog where I praise Placido Polanco and call him one of the most important Tigers of the last five years.
Thank you. You are too kind. Now, in turn, let me welcome you to the portion of my blog where I agree with you for the first time ever, I believe. I love Polly as much as I can possibly love a multi-millionaire with a deformed head, from Santo Domingo, that I've never met.
Then I suggest that maybe his best years are behind him and that the Tigers would be wise not to invest too much money in an aging second baseman.
I'm still with you. Though, I have a feeling that you're about to turn into a sarcastic prick.
Then you, my loyal readers, will crush my e-mail box telling me what a moron I am. I love it.
Really? You love it? May I now ask all nine of my readers to please flood Mr. Samuelsoen's e-mail box with hate mail? He loves it, you know. Come up with an interesting way of telling him to kill himself. Like walking into a spinning helecoptor blade. He loves it.
He's like Drew Sharp...without the readers.
Yes, I am passing on Polanco. Love the guy.
As much as you love being called a moron? I hope your testicles somehow end up in a wood chipper.
He’s a huge reason the Tigers are where they are,
Playing golf?
and at the end of the this season, he was one of their most consistent hitters (even if Jim Leyland did bench him in a clinching game).
Take THAT, Mumbles McMarlboro! I thought Samuelsen usually defended Leyland. Didn't get enough hate mail that way? He loves it, you know.
But with money committed to players like Magglio Ordonez, Nate Robertson, Jeremy Bonderman and Dontrelle Willis, the Tigers simply can’t afford to commit to another player who won’t be able to live up to the terms of his deal.
Magglio beat the hell out of the ball the second half once his personal problems were behind him. Overpaid, still? Sure. But his option for 2010 kicked in because he LIVED UP TO THE TERMS OF HIS DEAL.
Nate sucks, sure. But he showed late in the season that he can still be effective at times. Bondo? Turned 27 yesterday. (Happy Birthday, Jeremy!) Let's not shovel dirt on him until we see him fully recovered from surgery, shall we? Dontrelle...I've got nothing there.
Point is, there are no "terms" on any of their deals. Unlike the NFL, there's nothing we can do about their stupid contracts now. Are they overpaid? Sure. Useless? Other than Willis, not quite. That's your gimmick, Jamie. Proceed.
And at this point, at the age of 34 with almost 1,500 games under his belt, he won’t be able to live up to it. We’ve seen his range on the decline. So if he can’t play second, where do you put him?
Polanco can't play second anymore? Are you fist-f'ing me, Jamie? The guy won the Gold Glove just two years ago breaking the record for errorless games. And sure, I'll agree with you that his range isn't what it once was. But to say that the man isn't capable of playing second base anymore is the dumbest thing I've heard since "Porcello is done and Zach Miner is coming into the game."
Plenty of great second basemen have moved to first after their range disappeared. Joe Morgan, Jeff Kent and Robbie Alomar all shifted around the infield when they couldn’t get those balls up the middle (like the one Polanco couldn’t get that would have WON THE DIVISION!).
You're right! It's all Mr. Potato Head's fault! He's a witch! Burn him!
Did Alomar really ever leave second base? I did black out in the late 90's, but still...
The difference with those players is that they were power hitters whose teams needed to keep them in the lineup.
Calling Joe Morgan and Roberto Alomar power hitters is a bit of a stretch. They were great hitters with more power than Polanco, but power hitters? Was Alan Trammell a "power hitter"? Of course not. But Polanco did hit 10 homers and drove in 72 runs (a career high). And why in the blue hell are you talking about moving Polanco to first base? That's...um, what's a synonym for "f'n retarded" that isn't offensive to people? Maybe, I'll come back to that.
But back to your switching postions nonsense, don't we have one of the best young (power) hitters in the majors at first base? Remember him?
That, and the Tigers already have a first baseman -- assuming he’s not hanging out at the Townsend.
There you go. Nice drunk joke. Next, call his mother a whore. Screw his near-MVP type numbers he put up.
This team already is stocked with poor-fielding players who can’t find a position.
Yeah, Laird. And Granderson. And Inge. And Cabrera. Worthless pricks.
The last thing they need is another one. So let the e-mails begin.
Dear Jamie. I hope you end up as a victim in a copycat reinactment of the latest "Saw" movie. Normally, I wouldn't write this, but I hear you love this "hate mail" stuff. XXOO, Rogo
Try to get Polly to stay for a year at what he was making. Or a slight raise. It doesn't hurt to ask. If he thinks the market is going to be huge for him, I think he's crazy. I don't see anyone offering him 3 years/$24 million. And I don't see this Sizemore kid being ready for an entire season at second base...broken leg or not. He needs another year in AAA to work on defense and cutting down on the K's. Polanco's the only guy in the linup that we can count on to make contact with the ball.
Rodney goes, too, because he’s simply going to be too expensive.
And he sucks.
He had a fantastic year,
4.40 ERA
1.47 WHIP
41 walks in 75.2 IP
9 ER in 8.2 innings after September 24th...ya know, when we kinda needed him to be good?
But he was 37/38 in saves...the most overrated stat in baseball.
That's like my kid coming home with a report card full of D's and an A+ in home ec. I'd rather have Farnsworth back on the team than Rodney. (shudders)
but it had all the trappings of a career year. Unless your name is Mariano Rivera, your best years as a closer come in your 20s.
Go to hell, Dennis Eckersley, Trevor Hoffman, Lee Smith, Goose Gossage, Rollie Fingers and countless others who saved games effectively, WELL into their 30's.
It’s not a fine-wine scenario in which you age and improve.
Wine sucks. Gives me a headache. Like Jamie Samuelsen columns. Thank goodness I only read him once a month when I'm hard up for material.
Again, I fear that Rodney would get a two- or three-year deal, and we’d be kicking ourselves in year two or three for throwing money at a reliever you don’t even trust to close games.
Like Brandon Lyon. Whom you want us to resign.
Probably totally unfair, given the year that he had,
He sucked.
but I’ve seen too many Rod Becks and Robb Nens and Randy Myerses and John Wettelands who lose it as 30somethings. Why should FRod be any different?
Beck, Nen, Myers, and Wetteland had track records. Rodney has had ONE misleading year. If he gets K-Rod money, I'll poop you out a koala bear.
Adam Everett sure was a smooth fielder,
And oh, that hair!
but he became such a liability at the plate in the second half that I can’t justify bringing him back. Second-half numbers: .207 average, .248 OBP, 17 RBIs. I’m more comfortable with Everett defensively than I am with Ramon Santiago, but not more comfortable enough to justify the drop in offense.
Everett sucks at the plate. But at most, he'll cost $1.5 million, methinks. And who else are we going to get that cheap? John McDonald? Lyon, Rodney, and Polly are all $3-$7 million guys. Why is Everett even in this conversation? Huff or Washburn would have made more sense. Your blogs are about as well thought out as that plan hatched by the balloon kid's family. Want to talk about Matt Treanor, too?
So I’m left with Brandon Lyon, which makes me very uncomfortable.
2.86 ERA
1.11 WHIP
31 walks in 78.2 IP
2 ER in 8.1 IP after September 24th...ya know, when we kinda needed him to be good?
Wait...Lyon WAS good. Why are you uncomfortable? Not enough hate mail yet? I know...WHERE ARE YOUR SAVES, BRANDON? That is how you tell what a good year is!
It’s like when you fill out your NCAA bracket from start to finish and get to the Final Four and say, “This is what I came up with?”
George Washington, Davidson, Tulane, and NC State? Thank God I write sports for the Free Press!
Lyon is what I came up with?
I had Col. Mustard in the study with the candlestick, personally.
But he was one of their best relievers down the stretch.
He was the best one. Granted, with guys like Miner, Fien, and Seay getting bombed every night, the competition wasn't that fierce.
And he’s only 30, so he doesn’t violate my Rodney age rule, either.
Rodney turns 33 in March. Can we quit talking about him like he's Dick Cheney's age, you asshat?
Actually Lyon falls into the Todd Jones category (which must THRILL you),
Tigers all-time saves leader...I'm with you...
where he doesn’t throw hard enough to have the age thing really come into play.
Throwing hard...that's all that counts. ZOOM!
Whether he can he close is the biggest question. And I still think he can.
Empty the bank account, Mr. I...Jamie thinks he can.
Pitching is pitching
Unless you're over 30.
and getting people out is the aim, whether it’s in the first inning or the ninth.
Or if you give up 2 runs every game and still get a save. That's a good outing.
I never bought the whole situational thing. Either you can get guys out or you can't. If Brad Lidge can overcome his postseason demons the way he has, then Brandon Lyon should be able to pitch the ninth.
WTF? Lyon and Lidge. Lyon was good this year. Lidge was an abortion. Lidge was great in the postseason last year...and has been on target this year. Quit comparing apples to Volkswagons.
Okay. Let's forget every stupid thing you had to say and (for some weird reason) concentrate on just Polanco, Everett, Rodney, and Lyon. I agree, the Tigers probably can't afford all of them. Double D has said that some people are going to have to go. You offer Potato Head a one year deal, take it or leave it. You offer Everett one-two years, $1.5-3.5 million. Cheap and it sures up the defense. You tell Rodney to walk into oncoming traffic...let the Cubs or someone overpay his dumb ass. And Lyon? Offer him market value.
Again, saves are the most overrated stat in baseball. Can just anyone close? No, but I don't think closers are as special as they're made out to be. Some are just lucky. (Rodney) Some truly are great. (Rivera) And some, just are given the role and they're either good or bad, depending on the year. (Todd Jones) If Lyon takes a fair deal, let him close. He's earned a shot after 2009. If not, let Zoom, Perry, and whoever else fight it out in the Spring. Rodney did it all year and he wasn't even supposed to close for us...Lyon was.
Another year out of Polanco seems to be the most important signing to me. But don't send me any hate mail over it. Send that to Jamie.
He loves the stuff.
From the Freep...
Oddly, Brandon Lyon is Tigers' top free agent to re-sign
Oddly, Samuelsen is still (I assume) paid to write about the Tigers.
The Tigers obviously don’t have a lot of money to spend, so which one of these four free agents is most necessary to re-sign: Placido Polanco, Fernando Rodney, Brandon Lyon or Adam Everett?
Dude, you already gave us your answer in the headline. But since you asked, I'm going with none of the above. None are necessary. But Lyon and Polanco would be cool with me. Especially, Polanco.
Welcome to the portion of the blog where I praise Placido Polanco and call him one of the most important Tigers of the last five years.
Thank you. You are too kind. Now, in turn, let me welcome you to the portion of my blog where I agree with you for the first time ever, I believe. I love Polly as much as I can possibly love a multi-millionaire with a deformed head, from Santo Domingo, that I've never met.
Then I suggest that maybe his best years are behind him and that the Tigers would be wise not to invest too much money in an aging second baseman.
I'm still with you. Though, I have a feeling that you're about to turn into a sarcastic prick.
Then you, my loyal readers, will crush my e-mail box telling me what a moron I am. I love it.
Really? You love it? May I now ask all nine of my readers to please flood Mr. Samuelsoen's e-mail box with hate mail? He loves it, you know. Come up with an interesting way of telling him to kill himself. Like walking into a spinning helecoptor blade. He loves it.
He's like Drew Sharp...without the readers.
Yes, I am passing on Polanco. Love the guy.
As much as you love being called a moron? I hope your testicles somehow end up in a wood chipper.
He’s a huge reason the Tigers are where they are,
Playing golf?
and at the end of the this season, he was one of their most consistent hitters (even if Jim Leyland did bench him in a clinching game).
Take THAT, Mumbles McMarlboro! I thought Samuelsen usually defended Leyland. Didn't get enough hate mail that way? He loves it, you know.
But with money committed to players like Magglio Ordonez, Nate Robertson, Jeremy Bonderman and Dontrelle Willis, the Tigers simply can’t afford to commit to another player who won’t be able to live up to the terms of his deal.
Magglio beat the hell out of the ball the second half once his personal problems were behind him. Overpaid, still? Sure. But his option for 2010 kicked in because he LIVED UP TO THE TERMS OF HIS DEAL.
Nate sucks, sure. But he showed late in the season that he can still be effective at times. Bondo? Turned 27 yesterday. (Happy Birthday, Jeremy!) Let's not shovel dirt on him until we see him fully recovered from surgery, shall we? Dontrelle...I've got nothing there.
Point is, there are no "terms" on any of their deals. Unlike the NFL, there's nothing we can do about their stupid contracts now. Are they overpaid? Sure. Useless? Other than Willis, not quite. That's your gimmick, Jamie. Proceed.
And at this point, at the age of 34 with almost 1,500 games under his belt, he won’t be able to live up to it. We’ve seen his range on the decline. So if he can’t play second, where do you put him?
Polanco can't play second anymore? Are you fist-f'ing me, Jamie? The guy won the Gold Glove just two years ago breaking the record for errorless games. And sure, I'll agree with you that his range isn't what it once was. But to say that the man isn't capable of playing second base anymore is the dumbest thing I've heard since "Porcello is done and Zach Miner is coming into the game."
Plenty of great second basemen have moved to first after their range disappeared. Joe Morgan, Jeff Kent and Robbie Alomar all shifted around the infield when they couldn’t get those balls up the middle (like the one Polanco couldn’t get that would have WON THE DIVISION!).
You're right! It's all Mr. Potato Head's fault! He's a witch! Burn him!
Did Alomar really ever leave second base? I did black out in the late 90's, but still...
The difference with those players is that they were power hitters whose teams needed to keep them in the lineup.
Calling Joe Morgan and Roberto Alomar power hitters is a bit of a stretch. They were great hitters with more power than Polanco, but power hitters? Was Alan Trammell a "power hitter"? Of course not. But Polanco did hit 10 homers and drove in 72 runs (a career high). And why in the blue hell are you talking about moving Polanco to first base? That's...um, what's a synonym for "f'n retarded" that isn't offensive to people? Maybe, I'll come back to that.
But back to your switching postions nonsense, don't we have one of the best young (power) hitters in the majors at first base? Remember him?
That, and the Tigers already have a first baseman -- assuming he’s not hanging out at the Townsend.
There you go. Nice drunk joke. Next, call his mother a whore. Screw his near-MVP type numbers he put up.
This team already is stocked with poor-fielding players who can’t find a position.
Yeah, Laird. And Granderson. And Inge. And Cabrera. Worthless pricks.
The last thing they need is another one. So let the e-mails begin.
Dear Jamie. I hope you end up as a victim in a copycat reinactment of the latest "Saw" movie. Normally, I wouldn't write this, but I hear you love this "hate mail" stuff. XXOO, Rogo
Try to get Polly to stay for a year at what he was making. Or a slight raise. It doesn't hurt to ask. If he thinks the market is going to be huge for him, I think he's crazy. I don't see anyone offering him 3 years/$24 million. And I don't see this Sizemore kid being ready for an entire season at second base...broken leg or not. He needs another year in AAA to work on defense and cutting down on the K's. Polanco's the only guy in the linup that we can count on to make contact with the ball.
Rodney goes, too, because he’s simply going to be too expensive.
And he sucks.
He had a fantastic year,
4.40 ERA
1.47 WHIP
41 walks in 75.2 IP
9 ER in 8.2 innings after September 24th...ya know, when we kinda needed him to be good?
But he was 37/38 in saves...the most overrated stat in baseball.
That's like my kid coming home with a report card full of D's and an A+ in home ec. I'd rather have Farnsworth back on the team than Rodney. (shudders)
but it had all the trappings of a career year. Unless your name is Mariano Rivera, your best years as a closer come in your 20s.
Go to hell, Dennis Eckersley, Trevor Hoffman, Lee Smith, Goose Gossage, Rollie Fingers and countless others who saved games effectively, WELL into their 30's.
It’s not a fine-wine scenario in which you age and improve.
Wine sucks. Gives me a headache. Like Jamie Samuelsen columns. Thank goodness I only read him once a month when I'm hard up for material.
Again, I fear that Rodney would get a two- or three-year deal, and we’d be kicking ourselves in year two or three for throwing money at a reliever you don’t even trust to close games.
Like Brandon Lyon. Whom you want us to resign.
Probably totally unfair, given the year that he had,
He sucked.
but I’ve seen too many Rod Becks and Robb Nens and Randy Myerses and John Wettelands who lose it as 30somethings. Why should FRod be any different?
Beck, Nen, Myers, and Wetteland had track records. Rodney has had ONE misleading year. If he gets K-Rod money, I'll poop you out a koala bear.
Adam Everett sure was a smooth fielder,
And oh, that hair!
but he became such a liability at the plate in the second half that I can’t justify bringing him back. Second-half numbers: .207 average, .248 OBP, 17 RBIs. I’m more comfortable with Everett defensively than I am with Ramon Santiago, but not more comfortable enough to justify the drop in offense.
Everett sucks at the plate. But at most, he'll cost $1.5 million, methinks. And who else are we going to get that cheap? John McDonald? Lyon, Rodney, and Polly are all $3-$7 million guys. Why is Everett even in this conversation? Huff or Washburn would have made more sense. Your blogs are about as well thought out as that plan hatched by the balloon kid's family. Want to talk about Matt Treanor, too?
So I’m left with Brandon Lyon, which makes me very uncomfortable.
2.86 ERA
1.11 WHIP
31 walks in 78.2 IP
2 ER in 8.1 IP after September 24th...ya know, when we kinda needed him to be good?
Wait...Lyon WAS good. Why are you uncomfortable? Not enough hate mail yet? I know...WHERE ARE YOUR SAVES, BRANDON? That is how you tell what a good year is!
It’s like when you fill out your NCAA bracket from start to finish and get to the Final Four and say, “This is what I came up with?”
George Washington, Davidson, Tulane, and NC State? Thank God I write sports for the Free Press!
Lyon is what I came up with?
I had Col. Mustard in the study with the candlestick, personally.
But he was one of their best relievers down the stretch.
He was the best one. Granted, with guys like Miner, Fien, and Seay getting bombed every night, the competition wasn't that fierce.
And he’s only 30, so he doesn’t violate my Rodney age rule, either.
Rodney turns 33 in March. Can we quit talking about him like he's Dick Cheney's age, you asshat?
Actually Lyon falls into the Todd Jones category (which must THRILL you),
Tigers all-time saves leader...I'm with you...
where he doesn’t throw hard enough to have the age thing really come into play.
Throwing hard...that's all that counts. ZOOM!
Whether he can he close is the biggest question. And I still think he can.
Empty the bank account, Mr. I...Jamie thinks he can.
Pitching is pitching
Unless you're over 30.
and getting people out is the aim, whether it’s in the first inning or the ninth.
Or if you give up 2 runs every game and still get a save. That's a good outing.
I never bought the whole situational thing. Either you can get guys out or you can't. If Brad Lidge can overcome his postseason demons the way he has, then Brandon Lyon should be able to pitch the ninth.
WTF? Lyon and Lidge. Lyon was good this year. Lidge was an abortion. Lidge was great in the postseason last year...and has been on target this year. Quit comparing apples to Volkswagons.
Okay. Let's forget every stupid thing you had to say and (for some weird reason) concentrate on just Polanco, Everett, Rodney, and Lyon. I agree, the Tigers probably can't afford all of them. Double D has said that some people are going to have to go. You offer Potato Head a one year deal, take it or leave it. You offer Everett one-two years, $1.5-3.5 million. Cheap and it sures up the defense. You tell Rodney to walk into oncoming traffic...let the Cubs or someone overpay his dumb ass. And Lyon? Offer him market value.
Again, saves are the most overrated stat in baseball. Can just anyone close? No, but I don't think closers are as special as they're made out to be. Some are just lucky. (Rodney) Some truly are great. (Rivera) And some, just are given the role and they're either good or bad, depending on the year. (Todd Jones) If Lyon takes a fair deal, let him close. He's earned a shot after 2009. If not, let Zoom, Perry, and whoever else fight it out in the Spring. Rodney did it all year and he wasn't even supposed to close for us...Lyon was.
Another year out of Polanco seems to be the most important signing to me. But don't send me any hate mail over it. Send that to Jamie.
He loves the stuff.
Friday, October 23, 2009
It's A Little Known Fact...
Cliff Claven, of the televison show "Cheers", used to come up with "little known facts" about any goofy topic you could imagine. Being incapable of coming up with an original idea of my own, I took the Claven approach and dug up some little known facts about our 2009 Tigers that you may or may not have known. As far as I know, all of these things are 100% fact, unless you are telling me that wikipedia could possibly be wrong. Enjoy.
-Two of the '09 Tigers were on the 2000 US Olympic gold medal winning team. They would be Adam Everett and Bobby Seay.
-Although mostly practiced in Texas (I think), three Tigers go by their middle names or nicknames instead of their real given first names. Those gentlemen are Fredrick Alfred (Rick) Porcello III, Charles Brandon Inge, and DNR whipping boy, Michael Clete Thomas.
-Edwin Jackson is one of twenty-seven major league players in history to be born in Germany. Also, when drafted by the Dodgers in 2001, he was actually drafted as an outfielder.
-Ryan Raburn was selected by Tampa Bay in the '99 MLB Draft. Instead, he decided to go to South Florida Community College. Good for us, I guess.
-In high school, Rick Porcello had a 3.93 GPA, was a member of the National Honor Society, as well as a member of the Spanish National Honor Society.
-Porcello is the grandson of shortstop Sam Dente, who played from 1947-1955, including an appearance in the World Series in 1954 for Cleveland.
-Magglio Ordonez has three kids. There's Magglio Jr. Also, there's a girl named Maggliana. His other daughter is named Sophia. No idea why he didn't go with Maglietta.
-Jeremy Bonderman is the only high school junior to ever be drafted by a major league team. (Oakland in 2001)
-You know that we got Armando Galaragga from the Texas Rangers. But Texas originally got him in the deal that sent Alfonso Soriano to the Nationals in 2005 (along with Brad Wilkerson and Terrmel Sledge).
-Fu-Te Ni's given name is the same as the formal name of the Chinese God of the Land.
-Placido Polanco's son has a famous godfather. That man is none other than Albert Pujols. Also, when translated into Spanish, Placido's name means "Placid Burro".
-Adam Everett's wife is from Birmingham, MI. This was one of the major factors in him signing with Detroit last year.
-Miguel Cabrera has over 100 career starts at first base, thrid base, left field, and right field.
-Cabrera was the third player since 1900 to hit a walkoff home run in his first major league game.
-One more on Miguel. He is both a Catholic and a practitioner of Santeria, a syncretic religion of Caribbean origin. In 2006, he became a Babalao (a high priest).
-From 1994-1996, when in high school, Bobby Seay went 30-4 with a 0.79 ERA, with 362 strikeouts in 221 1/3 innings pitched.
-Clay Rapada was with the Cubs minor league team, the Lansing Lugnuts in 2003. During a game against the Tigers affiliate, the West Michigan Whitecaps, Rapada and six others were ejected after a brawl on the field.
-In college, Marcus Thames went by the nickname, "Slick". The name was the result of getting his hair cut much shorter than intended when he was four years old.
-Thames was the 80th player in MLB history to hit a homer in his first major league at bat. It came on the first pitch he saw from likely future Hall of Famer, Randy Johnson.
-On 7/3/06, Justin Verlander, Joel Zumaya, and Fernando Rodney became the first three players on the same team to be clocked at over 100 mph in the same game.
-The first pitch Freddy Dolsi threw in the majors was hit over the center field fence in Comerica Park for a homer by Manny Ramirez.
-When he was six years old, Aubrey Huff's father was shot and killed as an innocent bystander in a workplace domestic dispute attempting to take away a gun from a man who had just shot his wife. Yikes.
That's all I've got for now. Go Phillies, I guess. (Gotta root for Stairs, Bako, and Durbin...always a Tiger, kids.)
Saturday, October 17, 2009
Making The Grade(s): 2009 Final Edition
After giving it some time after the Game 163 fun, Professor Rogo is here to give out final grades for everyone that wore a Tigers jersey in 2009. This will be my second attempt at this since I wrote it all out once and accidently deleted it because I am a moron. (Write it in Word first...I know. Shut up.) So here's how this will look.
Player: Final Grade (Midseason Grade)
2009 Value Over Replacement Player
(for hitters) Avg, HR, RBI, OBP
(for pitchers) W-L, ERA, IP, K's
Commentary
Easy enough? Great. Here's my midseason grades if you have even more time to kill. On we go.
INFIELDERS
Miguel Cabrera: A- (A)
VORP: 57.1
.324, 34, 103, .396
The guy is great but with a bit of patience at the plate, he could be outstanding, methinks. Jim Leyland hinted at that same thing earlier this season by commenting that he thinks Cabrera seems to not concentrate enough in every at bat. His other big stat of the year, the .26 BAC, may be the thing that finally gets him completely serious about baseball, since the media had a field day with it. We'll see. Fine season overall for Cabrera, especially considering the stiffs he had surrounding him in the lineup for most of the season.
Placido Polanco: B (C-)
VORP: 15.0
.285, 10, 72, .331
Mr. Potato Head started the season poorly and spent most of it in the .260 range at the plate. His defense seemed to slip a bit, as well. But down the stretch, Polly was one of the few guys that didn't seem lethargic at the plate and played a key part in winning several games. He looks to be finished as a Tiger due to budget issues, which is a shame. Thanks for everything, Placido. Hopefully, someone on ESPN learns how to pronounce your name properly before you retire.
Brandon Inge: C+ (A)
VORP: 2.4
.230, 27, 84, .314
Only Brandon could hit 27 homers and have a VORP of 2.4. I called him the first half MVP of the team at the All Star Break. Since then, he's battled gimpy knees and a frustrating habit of swinging at curveballs in the dirt. The guy is amazing in the field, yet an abortion at the plate. If he ever learns to put it all together, then I'll finally be able to understand the love he receives from all the fat girls with tramp stamps that scream when he's introduced at the CoPa.
Adam Everett: C (B)
VORP: -6.9
.238, 3, 44, .288
When the Tigers signed Everett, I said that he was possibly the worst hitter in the league and the best fielding shortstop at the same time. He wasn't either of those things, but it was close. Adam produced pretty much what was expected of him. He even managed to stay healthy for the whole year. Who knows if he'll be back, but I'd rather see Ramon Santiago at short, any day.
Gerald Laird: C+ (C+)
VORP: -6.2
.225, 4, 33, .306
Along with Inge and Everett, G-Money was the third member of the "Tigers Black Hole of Suck" where rallies went to die in the batting order. But I feel bad for Laird. The guy deserves a gold glove for his efforts behind the plate this year, and his offense was bound to suffer as Leyland trotted him out there for 135 games this year. The injury to Mr. Misty-May didn't help things to start the season. With Alex Aliva "arriving", hopefully Laird will get some more rest next year and his offensive production will increase. Hopefully.
Ramon Santiago: B (B)
VORP: 4.1
.267, 7, 35, .318
"The Little Tiger That Could" is a DNR favorite that I would like to see get a chance to be the everyday shortstop over a full season. Being a DNR favorite, look for him to be released or traded any day now. (See Anderson, Josh, French, Luke, and Sheffield, Gary) Ramon is great with the glove, has occasional pop in his bat, and looks like he's 12 years old, which is always amusing. If only he'd get to play in more than 100 games in a season. (93 in '09)
Aubrey Huff: D (none)
VORP: -6.8 (Det)
.241, 15, 85, .310 (Bal & Det)
Huff was the bat that Dave Dombrowski acquired for the stretch run to protect Miguel Cabrera. Instead, Huff grounded out to second base almost every time he came to the plate. Aubrey gets a "D" instead of an "F" because I happened to be at the "bat flip" game where he hit the tying home run in the bottom of the ninth against the Blue Jays. That was an awesome moment...his only as a Tiger. Aubrey's a decent ballplayer that I think just crumbled under the pressure of his first playoff race.
Jeff Larish: C- (C-)
VORP: 1.1
.216, 4, 7, .344
Larish was sent down around midseason and got hurt, preventing a September call up. 2010 will be a big year for him to see if he's ever going to be a big league ballplayer or if he's going to be a Mike Hessman.
Alex Avila: B+ (none)
VORP: 7.5
.279, 5, 14, .375
Who saw this coming? Son of one of the bosses. Can grow a full beard in under two hours. Hits the crap out of the ball. Catches a decent game, too? 2010 will intersting to see if Alex is more of a Lance Parrish or a Matt Nokes, a one and done guy. He'll be important for the Tigers in resting Laird and providing some pop off the bench.
Dane Sardinha: D- (D+)
VORP: -6.4
.097, 0, 3, .091
Decent defender. Worst hitter ever. I doubt he'll ever see Detroit again. That's okay because I hear he likes the scenery in Toledo just fine.
Dusty Ryan: D (C)
VORP: -3.0
.154, 0, 4, .267
Jim Leyland seemed to forget that he was on the team at times. So did I.
Brent Dlugach: Incomplete (none)
VORP: -0.8
.000, 0, 0, .000
I can't grade a guy that got into 5 games and had 3 at bats. Annoying last name, though.
Matt Treanor: F (F)
VORP: -3.3
.000, 0, 0, .071
Epic fail. Say hi to the wife for me.
OUTFIELDERS
Curtis Granderson: B (B)
VORP: 25.8
.249, 30, 71, .327
Grandy had the highlight reel catch of the year robbing Grady Sizemore of a home run early in the season. He made the All Star team for the first time. And he hit a career high 30 dingers. But too often, he seemed to be more Marcus Thames at the plate than Curtis Granderson, especially against left handers. Too much boom or bust...not enough gappers to start a rally. Lynn Henning wants him traded...I just want the old Granderson back...the guy from before he was trying to save the world and hit home runs all the time.
Magglio Ordonez: B (D)
VORP: 22.9
.310, 9, 50, .376
It's all been said. The personal problems. The contract. The lack of power. The townsfolk with pitchforks calling for his head. Then a funny thing started happening with Maggs. He started hitting again. Magglio was a beast down the stretch, arguably the offensive MVP the final month of the season. If his head is on straight all season, he stays healthy, and Jim quits pulling him in the 6th or 7th inning every night, Magglio may still have another productive year or two left in him.
Carlos Guillen: C- (Incomplete)
VORP: 3.5
.242, 11, 41, .339
Carlos says he's an everyday player. Well, if he can quit getting hurt every time he rounds second base, maybe he can prove just that. Carlos was too streaky once he started playing this year to be an impact player. He's shown that he can be an asset when healthy. But that's easier said than done with Carlos Guillen. Since the end of the season, he's been running his mouth about his position and playing time. I hope he's just letting off steam from a disappointing season's end and isn't as delusional as his comments seem to make him out to be.
Ryan Raburn: B (B)
VORP: 19.4
.291, 16, 45, .359
Other than the first 20 at bats of the season, Ryan Raburn seemed on a misson this season to prove that he should be in the lineup every day. So, of course, he only got 261 at bats playing for Jim Leyland. But the guy produced, putting up the 4th highest VORP on the team behind Cabrera, Granderson, and Ordonez. Maybe 2010 will be the year that Ryan Raburn gets his shot at an everyday role. But with expensive guys seemingly manning the corner outfield spots, who knows...
Clete Thomas: C- (C+)
VORP: -0.5
.240, 7, 39, .324
Ladies and gentlemen, our #3 hitter for much of the year...a guy with a negative VORP. Regular readers of my little poop joke blog here know that I'm not much of a fan of 'ol Clete. But much of that stems from the fact that he was put in a position in the lineup where he just did not belong. He was set up to fail. The guy has a cannon for an arm, but not much else other than a goofy name, a goofy face, and a weird fan base. The man sucks at hitting a baseball. He sucks a LOT at hitting a baseball. Clete's a #4 outfielder at best. He is not a #3 hitter in a major league lineup. He gets a C- from me, overall, for his defense and a couple timely hits that he did manage to get during the year.
Marcus Thames: C- (C)
VORP: 5.9
.252, 13, 36, .323
Ahh, Marcus. For the 3rd straight year, at least, I read that THIS was the year that Marcus was going to get some at bats for the Tigers. But due to injury and his usual streaky play, Marcus only made 294 plate appearances. His power numbers dipped and he wasn't called upon in Game 163 to bat for Gerald Laird (even though I was drunkedly screaming for Leyland to do so...three different times). Marcus may be done as a Tiger, I'm afraid.
Don Kelly: D (D)
VORP: -0.8
.250, 0, 3, .311
The Tigers sure do love their generic, white outfielders, don't they? I honestly don't know what they see in this guy. Even the Pirates didn't want him. And that fly ball he lost in the Metrodome...don't get me started.
Wilkin Ramirez: B- (A)
VORP: 2.5
.364, 1, 3, .385
Trade bait. That's what I see in this kid. Sell high. There's no room in Detroit for him for another couple years with the contracts we have unless Carlos or Magglio's legs fall off. Then again, that could happen at any time. Wilkin seems like a good player, but he's another that I just haven't seen enough of. I do know that he's good at getting picked off of base at crucial times.
Josh Anderson: C- (C+)
VORP: -4.8
Sold to Kansas City like a side of beef, Josh Anderson never got enough consistant playing time in Detroit to show what he could be. He hit over .300 with the Braves, but was part of platoons in his limited Tiger action. I loved his speed and thought he'd be crucial off the bench as a pinch runner late in the season. Dombrowski disagreed and kept Clete Thomas instead. Sigh.
STARTING PITCHERS
Justin Verlander: A+ (A)
VORP: 60.6
19-9, 3.45, 240.0, 269
When I grow up, I want to be Justin Verlander. Rebounding from a poor 2008 season, JV was a beast this year. Despite averaging around 345 pitches per game (look it up), Verlander survived the season and led the AL in strikeouts by 27 over Zach Greinke. Oddly enough, when balls were put in play against Justin, batters had an BABIP of .325. The only Tiger with at least 32 innings pitched with a higher BABIP? Nate Robertson at .342. Other than that weird stat, JV was an ace in every way for Detroit.
Edwin Jackson: B+ (A+)
VORP: 49.2
13-9, 3.62, 214.0, 161
Anyone miss Matt Joyce? Didn't think so. EJax in the first half was the suprise of baseball. The second half? He ran out of gas. It'll be interesting to see how he pitches in 2010. Will he be one of the best #2 starters in baseball? Or will he be the guy that both the Dodgers and Rays gave up on? My guess is somewhere closer to the first as his stuff is just too good to not be an asset to the rotation. He would have won 17 or 18 games if he had any run support.
Rick Porcello: B+ (B-)
VORP: 32.2
14-9, 3.96, 170.2, 89
Dreamboat Rick surprised everyone that was calling for him to start the season in AAA (including Your Party Host) by putting together a Rookie of the Year type season. His lethal sinker led to ground ball after ground ball and was the guy the Tigers turned to in Game 163 to get them the win. He did his part, but perhaps an early yank by Jim Leyland was the difference in that game. Regardless, Kid Rick's first season was hopefully a sign of things to come in the future.
Jarrod Washburn: D- (none)
VORP: -5.7 (Det)
9-9, 3.78, 176.0, 100 (Sea & Det)
He had one good start against the mighty Royals, at least. Other than that, Washburn was a failure in every sense of the word after being acquired from Seattle at the trade deadline. Sadly, the Tigers knew of his knee injury when they traded for him and have no one to blame buy themselves. He won't be back in Detroit next year...most likely returning to Seattle.
Armando Galarraga: D (C-)
VORP: 3.4
6-10, 5.64, 143.2, 95
Sophomore slump or was he just an optical illusion last year? Armando started well and went to hell quickly afterwards. His control left him and he just couldn't be counted on to give solid innings throughout the season, so much so that Leyland and company went with unproven starter Alfredo Figaro on the final Saturday of the season against the White Sox. We'll see where his head is at come springtime, I guess.
Nate Robertson: D+, (F)
VORP: 0.4
2-3, 5.44, 49.2, 35
Our Hero battled injury and the fact that he sucks for most of 2009. Surprisingly, he did manage to put together a decent start or two down the stretch before getting yet another ouchie to end things. Here's something positive. His 0.4 VORP is miles ahead of the -13.4 he put up in 2008. Way to go, Nate! Earn that cash!
Eddie Bonine: C-, (D)
VORP: 4.1
1-1, 4.46, 34.1, 19
Hey, he pitched a decent game in Chicago for us. Other than that, Bonine was useless as one of the 20 #5 starters we tried this year. He did his best, but Eddie Bonine in your rotation does not make you a playoff team.
Dontrelle Willis: F (F)
VORP: -5.3
1-4, 7.49, 33.2, 17
When's he off the books again? Great idea signing him to an extension before he ever took the mound, Dave. Wish I had your job security.
Alfredo Figaro: D (C)
VORP: -1.7
2-2, 6.35, 17.0, 16
Figaro didn't belong in the majors, making the jump from AA since no one pitching and wearing an Old English D could stay healthy this year. Check back on him in a couple years.
Chris Lambert: F (F)
VORP: -6.2 (Det)
0-1, 10.22, 12.1, 11 (Det & Bal)
Sigh. Thanks for taking him, Baltimore. Idiots.
Luke French: B (B)
VORP: 6.5 (Det)
4-5, 5.21, 67.1, 42
"The Tickler" pitched well in his brief time as a Tiger before being shipped to Seattle in the now regretted Washburn deal. In Seattle, French got hammered, doing his best Washburn imitiation for the M's. He was never a top prospect, but he would have been a better option down the stretch for us than Figaro, Bonine, or Lambert.
RELIEF PITCHERS
Fernando Rodney: B (C)
VORP: 12.3
2-5, 37 SV, 4.40, 75.2, 61
Captain Crooked Hat is probably done as a Tiger. I couldn't be happier. Yes, he went 37/38 in saves. That's why I gave him a "B". But my blood pressure couldn't possibly stand another season of watching this guy save games for us. And that one blown save against Cleveland at Progressive Field? Yep...I was there. I hate you, Fernando.
Brandon Lyon: A- (C)
VORP: 27.0
6-5, 2.86, 78.2, 57
People were calling for "The Cowardly Lyon's" head early in the year after a poor start. But as the season went on, Lyon became "Lyonheart", the leader of the Tigers' bullpen. No one down the stretch was better than Brandon out of the pen and I'm hoping the Tigers can sign him for another season as either the closer or to be competition for Zoom and Perry to be the 2010 closer.
Zach Miner: C (C-)
VORP: 12.6
7-5, 4.29, 92.1, 62
I like Miner better as a starter. Leyland likes him better out of the pen. Either way, Zach Miner is nothing more than an average big league pitcher with a decent sinker. Orlando Cabrera took him deep for the big drive in Game 163, but I don't think Zach had any business being in there. If you give a chimp a gun and the chimp shoots someone...do you blame the chimp? No...blame the moron that handed him the gun.
Ryan Perry: B- (C)
VORP: 11.0
0-1, 3.79, 61.2, 60
Perry's still just a cub, yet another rookie that wasn't expected to make the team, but did. He did okay...just needs to work on his control. They're calling him the closer of the future. Then again, they did that with Joel Zumaya, too.
Bobby Seay: C+ (A)
VORP: 9.3
6-3, 4.25, 48.2, 37
Started well, ended poorly. Sound familiar by now? Bobby's a solid workhorse out of the pen, but we do have cheaper options in lefty relievers with Ni and Rapada. Don't expect Bobby to be with the team for more than another year.
Fu-Te Ni: A- (A)
VORP: 11.5
0-0, 2.61, 31.0, 21
"Made In Taiwan" was very impressive for the Tigers. He led the team with a .205 BABIP and showed good control. That and he can do impressions! What more do you need in a lefty out of the pen?
Joel Zumaya: D (C)
VORP: 2.6
3-3, 4.94, 31.0, 30
"Glass Joel" disappointed his legions of fans again in '09. He can't stay healthy and his fastballs aren't as difficult to hit as they used to be. However, I do understand him a bit better now. I recently bought "Guitar Hero: World Tour" and managed to hurt my wrist playing "Schism" by Tool. Add in my drinking problem and Joel and I are two peas in a pod. All kidding aside, they expect Zoom to compete once again for the closer role in 2010 if he's healthy. Insert your own "Joel getting injured" joke here.
Casey Fien: F (none)
VORP: -3.4
0-1, 7.94, 11.1, 9
Fien was great as a Mud Hen. As a Tiger? Not so much. Another year in the minors will tell us what we have in Casey Fien.
Freddy Dolsi: B+ (B+)
VORP: 1.0
1-0, 1.69, 10.2, 3
Dolsi continues to do well in the majors when called upon. Thing is, they hardly ever call upon him. Not sure what it is, but Leyland doesn't seem to have much faith in him.
Jeremy Bonderman: F (incomplete)
VORP: -3.0
0-1, 8.71, 10.1, 5
Bondo was el busto in 2009 again. Hurt all year, he came back late in the year to get smacked around out of the pen. Entering 2010, he's a mystery if he'll ever achieve the promise that people have had for him for years now.
Clay Rapada: D (C-)
VORP: 0.2
0-0, 5.40, 3.1, 2
I like Rapada. Of course, that means he's doomed to a career in the minor leagues.
Juan Rincon: D (D)
VORP: 0.8 (Det)
4-2, 6.87, 36.2, 35 (Det & Col)
Great spring. Sucked in real games. Got bombed in Colorado, too. May be about over for Senor Rincon.
DA SKIPPER
Jim Leyland: C+ (D)
Expecting a lower grade after I took pot shots at him this whole time? I constantly disagree with Mumbles McMarlboro's decisions, but he got the Tigers to a second place finish...exactly where I predicted them to finish at the beginning of the year. Look it up...right here. (That Mets pick...what was I thinking?) So yeah, I can't totally crap on the skipper. With all of the injuries to his rotation, it's a miracle that we finished where we did. When you can't score more than 3 runs a game, it's hard to win games. But the Tigers did. And as much as Jim Leyland drives me crazy at times, you have to respect the fact that the Tigers were there at the end.
We'd have all taken that at the start of the season. Class dismissed.
Player: Final Grade (Midseason Grade)
2009 Value Over Replacement Player
(for hitters) Avg, HR, RBI, OBP
(for pitchers) W-L, ERA, IP, K's
Commentary
Easy enough? Great. Here's my midseason grades if you have even more time to kill. On we go.
INFIELDERS
Miguel Cabrera: A- (A)
VORP: 57.1
.324, 34, 103, .396
The guy is great but with a bit of patience at the plate, he could be outstanding, methinks. Jim Leyland hinted at that same thing earlier this season by commenting that he thinks Cabrera seems to not concentrate enough in every at bat. His other big stat of the year, the .26 BAC, may be the thing that finally gets him completely serious about baseball, since the media had a field day with it. We'll see. Fine season overall for Cabrera, especially considering the stiffs he had surrounding him in the lineup for most of the season.
Placido Polanco: B (C-)
VORP: 15.0
.285, 10, 72, .331
Mr. Potato Head started the season poorly and spent most of it in the .260 range at the plate. His defense seemed to slip a bit, as well. But down the stretch, Polly was one of the few guys that didn't seem lethargic at the plate and played a key part in winning several games. He looks to be finished as a Tiger due to budget issues, which is a shame. Thanks for everything, Placido. Hopefully, someone on ESPN learns how to pronounce your name properly before you retire.
Brandon Inge: C+ (A)
VORP: 2.4
.230, 27, 84, .314
Only Brandon could hit 27 homers and have a VORP of 2.4. I called him the first half MVP of the team at the All Star Break. Since then, he's battled gimpy knees and a frustrating habit of swinging at curveballs in the dirt. The guy is amazing in the field, yet an abortion at the plate. If he ever learns to put it all together, then I'll finally be able to understand the love he receives from all the fat girls with tramp stamps that scream when he's introduced at the CoPa.
Adam Everett: C (B)
VORP: -6.9
.238, 3, 44, .288
When the Tigers signed Everett, I said that he was possibly the worst hitter in the league and the best fielding shortstop at the same time. He wasn't either of those things, but it was close. Adam produced pretty much what was expected of him. He even managed to stay healthy for the whole year. Who knows if he'll be back, but I'd rather see Ramon Santiago at short, any day.
Gerald Laird: C+ (C+)
VORP: -6.2
.225, 4, 33, .306
Along with Inge and Everett, G-Money was the third member of the "Tigers Black Hole of Suck" where rallies went to die in the batting order. But I feel bad for Laird. The guy deserves a gold glove for his efforts behind the plate this year, and his offense was bound to suffer as Leyland trotted him out there for 135 games this year. The injury to Mr. Misty-May didn't help things to start the season. With Alex Aliva "arriving", hopefully Laird will get some more rest next year and his offensive production will increase. Hopefully.
Ramon Santiago: B (B)
VORP: 4.1
.267, 7, 35, .318
"The Little Tiger That Could" is a DNR favorite that I would like to see get a chance to be the everyday shortstop over a full season. Being a DNR favorite, look for him to be released or traded any day now. (See Anderson, Josh, French, Luke, and Sheffield, Gary) Ramon is great with the glove, has occasional pop in his bat, and looks like he's 12 years old, which is always amusing. If only he'd get to play in more than 100 games in a season. (93 in '09)
Aubrey Huff: D (none)
VORP: -6.8 (Det)
.241, 15, 85, .310 (Bal & Det)
Huff was the bat that Dave Dombrowski acquired for the stretch run to protect Miguel Cabrera. Instead, Huff grounded out to second base almost every time he came to the plate. Aubrey gets a "D" instead of an "F" because I happened to be at the "bat flip" game where he hit the tying home run in the bottom of the ninth against the Blue Jays. That was an awesome moment...his only as a Tiger. Aubrey's a decent ballplayer that I think just crumbled under the pressure of his first playoff race.
Jeff Larish: C- (C-)
VORP: 1.1
.216, 4, 7, .344
Larish was sent down around midseason and got hurt, preventing a September call up. 2010 will be a big year for him to see if he's ever going to be a big league ballplayer or if he's going to be a Mike Hessman.
Alex Avila: B+ (none)
VORP: 7.5
.279, 5, 14, .375
Who saw this coming? Son of one of the bosses. Can grow a full beard in under two hours. Hits the crap out of the ball. Catches a decent game, too? 2010 will intersting to see if Alex is more of a Lance Parrish or a Matt Nokes, a one and done guy. He'll be important for the Tigers in resting Laird and providing some pop off the bench.
Dane Sardinha: D- (D+)
VORP: -6.4
.097, 0, 3, .091
Decent defender. Worst hitter ever. I doubt he'll ever see Detroit again. That's okay because I hear he likes the scenery in Toledo just fine.
Dusty Ryan: D (C)
VORP: -3.0
.154, 0, 4, .267
Jim Leyland seemed to forget that he was on the team at times. So did I.
Brent Dlugach: Incomplete (none)
VORP: -0.8
.000, 0, 0, .000
I can't grade a guy that got into 5 games and had 3 at bats. Annoying last name, though.
Matt Treanor: F (F)
VORP: -3.3
.000, 0, 0, .071
Epic fail. Say hi to the wife for me.
OUTFIELDERS
Curtis Granderson: B (B)
VORP: 25.8
.249, 30, 71, .327
Grandy had the highlight reel catch of the year robbing Grady Sizemore of a home run early in the season. He made the All Star team for the first time. And he hit a career high 30 dingers. But too often, he seemed to be more Marcus Thames at the plate than Curtis Granderson, especially against left handers. Too much boom or bust...not enough gappers to start a rally. Lynn Henning wants him traded...I just want the old Granderson back...the guy from before he was trying to save the world and hit home runs all the time.
Magglio Ordonez: B (D)
VORP: 22.9
.310, 9, 50, .376
It's all been said. The personal problems. The contract. The lack of power. The townsfolk with pitchforks calling for his head. Then a funny thing started happening with Maggs. He started hitting again. Magglio was a beast down the stretch, arguably the offensive MVP the final month of the season. If his head is on straight all season, he stays healthy, and Jim quits pulling him in the 6th or 7th inning every night, Magglio may still have another productive year or two left in him.
Carlos Guillen: C- (Incomplete)
VORP: 3.5
.242, 11, 41, .339
Carlos says he's an everyday player. Well, if he can quit getting hurt every time he rounds second base, maybe he can prove just that. Carlos was too streaky once he started playing this year to be an impact player. He's shown that he can be an asset when healthy. But that's easier said than done with Carlos Guillen. Since the end of the season, he's been running his mouth about his position and playing time. I hope he's just letting off steam from a disappointing season's end and isn't as delusional as his comments seem to make him out to be.
Ryan Raburn: B (B)
VORP: 19.4
.291, 16, 45, .359
Other than the first 20 at bats of the season, Ryan Raburn seemed on a misson this season to prove that he should be in the lineup every day. So, of course, he only got 261 at bats playing for Jim Leyland. But the guy produced, putting up the 4th highest VORP on the team behind Cabrera, Granderson, and Ordonez. Maybe 2010 will be the year that Ryan Raburn gets his shot at an everyday role. But with expensive guys seemingly manning the corner outfield spots, who knows...
Clete Thomas: C- (C+)
VORP: -0.5
.240, 7, 39, .324
Ladies and gentlemen, our #3 hitter for much of the year...a guy with a negative VORP. Regular readers of my little poop joke blog here know that I'm not much of a fan of 'ol Clete. But much of that stems from the fact that he was put in a position in the lineup where he just did not belong. He was set up to fail. The guy has a cannon for an arm, but not much else other than a goofy name, a goofy face, and a weird fan base. The man sucks at hitting a baseball. He sucks a LOT at hitting a baseball. Clete's a #4 outfielder at best. He is not a #3 hitter in a major league lineup. He gets a C- from me, overall, for his defense and a couple timely hits that he did manage to get during the year.
Marcus Thames: C- (C)
VORP: 5.9
.252, 13, 36, .323
Ahh, Marcus. For the 3rd straight year, at least, I read that THIS was the year that Marcus was going to get some at bats for the Tigers. But due to injury and his usual streaky play, Marcus only made 294 plate appearances. His power numbers dipped and he wasn't called upon in Game 163 to bat for Gerald Laird (even though I was drunkedly screaming for Leyland to do so...three different times). Marcus may be done as a Tiger, I'm afraid.
Don Kelly: D (D)
VORP: -0.8
.250, 0, 3, .311
The Tigers sure do love their generic, white outfielders, don't they? I honestly don't know what they see in this guy. Even the Pirates didn't want him. And that fly ball he lost in the Metrodome...don't get me started.
Wilkin Ramirez: B- (A)
VORP: 2.5
.364, 1, 3, .385
Trade bait. That's what I see in this kid. Sell high. There's no room in Detroit for him for another couple years with the contracts we have unless Carlos or Magglio's legs fall off. Then again, that could happen at any time. Wilkin seems like a good player, but he's another that I just haven't seen enough of. I do know that he's good at getting picked off of base at crucial times.
Josh Anderson: C- (C+)
VORP: -4.8
Sold to Kansas City like a side of beef, Josh Anderson never got enough consistant playing time in Detroit to show what he could be. He hit over .300 with the Braves, but was part of platoons in his limited Tiger action. I loved his speed and thought he'd be crucial off the bench as a pinch runner late in the season. Dombrowski disagreed and kept Clete Thomas instead. Sigh.
STARTING PITCHERS
Justin Verlander: A+ (A)
VORP: 60.6
19-9, 3.45, 240.0, 269
When I grow up, I want to be Justin Verlander. Rebounding from a poor 2008 season, JV was a beast this year. Despite averaging around 345 pitches per game (look it up), Verlander survived the season and led the AL in strikeouts by 27 over Zach Greinke. Oddly enough, when balls were put in play against Justin, batters had an BABIP of .325. The only Tiger with at least 32 innings pitched with a higher BABIP? Nate Robertson at .342. Other than that weird stat, JV was an ace in every way for Detroit.
Edwin Jackson: B+ (A+)
VORP: 49.2
13-9, 3.62, 214.0, 161
Anyone miss Matt Joyce? Didn't think so. EJax in the first half was the suprise of baseball. The second half? He ran out of gas. It'll be interesting to see how he pitches in 2010. Will he be one of the best #2 starters in baseball? Or will he be the guy that both the Dodgers and Rays gave up on? My guess is somewhere closer to the first as his stuff is just too good to not be an asset to the rotation. He would have won 17 or 18 games if he had any run support.
Rick Porcello: B+ (B-)
VORP: 32.2
14-9, 3.96, 170.2, 89
Dreamboat Rick surprised everyone that was calling for him to start the season in AAA (including Your Party Host) by putting together a Rookie of the Year type season. His lethal sinker led to ground ball after ground ball and was the guy the Tigers turned to in Game 163 to get them the win. He did his part, but perhaps an early yank by Jim Leyland was the difference in that game. Regardless, Kid Rick's first season was hopefully a sign of things to come in the future.
Jarrod Washburn: D- (none)
VORP: -5.7 (Det)
9-9, 3.78, 176.0, 100 (Sea & Det)
He had one good start against the mighty Royals, at least. Other than that, Washburn was a failure in every sense of the word after being acquired from Seattle at the trade deadline. Sadly, the Tigers knew of his knee injury when they traded for him and have no one to blame buy themselves. He won't be back in Detroit next year...most likely returning to Seattle.
Armando Galarraga: D (C-)
VORP: 3.4
6-10, 5.64, 143.2, 95
Sophomore slump or was he just an optical illusion last year? Armando started well and went to hell quickly afterwards. His control left him and he just couldn't be counted on to give solid innings throughout the season, so much so that Leyland and company went with unproven starter Alfredo Figaro on the final Saturday of the season against the White Sox. We'll see where his head is at come springtime, I guess.
Nate Robertson: D+, (F)
VORP: 0.4
2-3, 5.44, 49.2, 35
Our Hero battled injury and the fact that he sucks for most of 2009. Surprisingly, he did manage to put together a decent start or two down the stretch before getting yet another ouchie to end things. Here's something positive. His 0.4 VORP is miles ahead of the -13.4 he put up in 2008. Way to go, Nate! Earn that cash!
Eddie Bonine: C-, (D)
VORP: 4.1
1-1, 4.46, 34.1, 19
Hey, he pitched a decent game in Chicago for us. Other than that, Bonine was useless as one of the 20 #5 starters we tried this year. He did his best, but Eddie Bonine in your rotation does not make you a playoff team.
Dontrelle Willis: F (F)
VORP: -5.3
1-4, 7.49, 33.2, 17
When's he off the books again? Great idea signing him to an extension before he ever took the mound, Dave. Wish I had your job security.
Alfredo Figaro: D (C)
VORP: -1.7
2-2, 6.35, 17.0, 16
Figaro didn't belong in the majors, making the jump from AA since no one pitching and wearing an Old English D could stay healthy this year. Check back on him in a couple years.
Chris Lambert: F (F)
VORP: -6.2 (Det)
0-1, 10.22, 12.1, 11 (Det & Bal)
Sigh. Thanks for taking him, Baltimore. Idiots.
Luke French: B (B)
VORP: 6.5 (Det)
4-5, 5.21, 67.1, 42
"The Tickler" pitched well in his brief time as a Tiger before being shipped to Seattle in the now regretted Washburn deal. In Seattle, French got hammered, doing his best Washburn imitiation for the M's. He was never a top prospect, but he would have been a better option down the stretch for us than Figaro, Bonine, or Lambert.
RELIEF PITCHERS
Fernando Rodney: B (C)
VORP: 12.3
2-5, 37 SV, 4.40, 75.2, 61
Captain Crooked Hat is probably done as a Tiger. I couldn't be happier. Yes, he went 37/38 in saves. That's why I gave him a "B". But my blood pressure couldn't possibly stand another season of watching this guy save games for us. And that one blown save against Cleveland at Progressive Field? Yep...I was there. I hate you, Fernando.
Brandon Lyon: A- (C)
VORP: 27.0
6-5, 2.86, 78.2, 57
People were calling for "The Cowardly Lyon's" head early in the year after a poor start. But as the season went on, Lyon became "Lyonheart", the leader of the Tigers' bullpen. No one down the stretch was better than Brandon out of the pen and I'm hoping the Tigers can sign him for another season as either the closer or to be competition for Zoom and Perry to be the 2010 closer.
Zach Miner: C (C-)
VORP: 12.6
7-5, 4.29, 92.1, 62
I like Miner better as a starter. Leyland likes him better out of the pen. Either way, Zach Miner is nothing more than an average big league pitcher with a decent sinker. Orlando Cabrera took him deep for the big drive in Game 163, but I don't think Zach had any business being in there. If you give a chimp a gun and the chimp shoots someone...do you blame the chimp? No...blame the moron that handed him the gun.
Ryan Perry: B- (C)
VORP: 11.0
0-1, 3.79, 61.2, 60
Perry's still just a cub, yet another rookie that wasn't expected to make the team, but did. He did okay...just needs to work on his control. They're calling him the closer of the future. Then again, they did that with Joel Zumaya, too.
Bobby Seay: C+ (A)
VORP: 9.3
6-3, 4.25, 48.2, 37
Started well, ended poorly. Sound familiar by now? Bobby's a solid workhorse out of the pen, but we do have cheaper options in lefty relievers with Ni and Rapada. Don't expect Bobby to be with the team for more than another year.
Fu-Te Ni: A- (A)
VORP: 11.5
0-0, 2.61, 31.0, 21
"Made In Taiwan" was very impressive for the Tigers. He led the team with a .205 BABIP and showed good control. That and he can do impressions! What more do you need in a lefty out of the pen?
Joel Zumaya: D (C)
VORP: 2.6
3-3, 4.94, 31.0, 30
"Glass Joel" disappointed his legions of fans again in '09. He can't stay healthy and his fastballs aren't as difficult to hit as they used to be. However, I do understand him a bit better now. I recently bought "Guitar Hero: World Tour" and managed to hurt my wrist playing "Schism" by Tool. Add in my drinking problem and Joel and I are two peas in a pod. All kidding aside, they expect Zoom to compete once again for the closer role in 2010 if he's healthy. Insert your own "Joel getting injured" joke here.
Casey Fien: F (none)
VORP: -3.4
0-1, 7.94, 11.1, 9
Fien was great as a Mud Hen. As a Tiger? Not so much. Another year in the minors will tell us what we have in Casey Fien.
Freddy Dolsi: B+ (B+)
VORP: 1.0
1-0, 1.69, 10.2, 3
Dolsi continues to do well in the majors when called upon. Thing is, they hardly ever call upon him. Not sure what it is, but Leyland doesn't seem to have much faith in him.
Jeremy Bonderman: F (incomplete)
VORP: -3.0
0-1, 8.71, 10.1, 5
Bondo was el busto in 2009 again. Hurt all year, he came back late in the year to get smacked around out of the pen. Entering 2010, he's a mystery if he'll ever achieve the promise that people have had for him for years now.
Clay Rapada: D (C-)
VORP: 0.2
0-0, 5.40, 3.1, 2
I like Rapada. Of course, that means he's doomed to a career in the minor leagues.
Juan Rincon: D (D)
VORP: 0.8 (Det)
4-2, 6.87, 36.2, 35 (Det & Col)
Great spring. Sucked in real games. Got bombed in Colorado, too. May be about over for Senor Rincon.
DA SKIPPER
Jim Leyland: C+ (D)
Expecting a lower grade after I took pot shots at him this whole time? I constantly disagree with Mumbles McMarlboro's decisions, but he got the Tigers to a second place finish...exactly where I predicted them to finish at the beginning of the year. Look it up...right here. (That Mets pick...what was I thinking?) So yeah, I can't totally crap on the skipper. With all of the injuries to his rotation, it's a miracle that we finished where we did. When you can't score more than 3 runs a game, it's hard to win games. But the Tigers did. And as much as Jim Leyland drives me crazy at times, you have to respect the fact that the Tigers were there at the end.
We'd have all taken that at the start of the season. Class dismissed.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
